Being the change

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of your heart. Mort Walker

When my youngest daughter, Liseanne, was a little girl, she loved to laugh. Her giggle was a deep, rumbling gurgle that erupted up from her belly, cascading out of her body, creating ripples of 'I feel good' all around her. She seldom cried, in fact, when she was about four, I asked her older sister to teach her how to throw a tantrum -- the theory being, what we don't do in childhood we'll end up doing in adulthood. Liseanne never did learn to throw a very good tantrum, and as an adult, she would still rather stuff emotional distress full of humour than have it eat away at her equilibrium with regret and anger. I admire her, she is adept at 'letting it go'.

Me, on the other hand, well, I'm not so adept at just letting it go. I tend to 'take myself too seriously'.

Last night, C.C. and I had a long chat about my tendency to 'give it all', to weigh myself down with wanting to change the world.

"It's a beautiful quality, your desire to want the best for people," he said. "It's one of the many things about you I love. I wonder though if in caring so much you are remembering to give yourself medicine, to nurture yourself so you have the energy to keep doing what you do without depleting yourself?"

I laughed. Okay, so it wasn't a very humorous laugh, more like a nervous giggle. Like when your funny bone gets hit and it doesn't really feel all that funny but who cries over a hurt funny bone?

I knew he'd hit a nerve.

"I wonder why when you said that I felt tears immediately rise?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "Only you can answer that."

Good point.

It's like when my friend C.S. said the other day, "I don't know how you do what you do."

I felt tears rise.

Don't they get it, someone has to. If not me, who?

And therein lies the crux of my dilemma. I know it has to be done. I know we need to care for those who can't care for themselves -- but I gotta keep my sense of humour about it. I gotta keep myself balanced. I can't care so much it's at the expense of those I love and me.

When you give so much to people 'out there' and have nothing left to give to people 'in here', there's a problem.

And I've been creating a problem. I've lost my sense of humour. Lost my perspective on the world around me.

Time to imbue it with a little bit of fun and laughter. Joy and frivolity. Love and tenderness.

It's like when my brother died in a car accident and we went to the funeral. People spoke of him as this amazing man who did so much for them, who always gave, always laughed. Always smiled. Always lent a hand, stood by them when they were in need. I was moved to hear their eulogies of my brother. He was a wonderful man. My memories of him were tainted by our familial angst, the tug pull of the alcohol that consumed him and my desire to protect myself from the barbs of his angry outbursts.

In his passing, I have come full circle to love the brother who taught me how to ride a bike. Who made me laugh with him, dance with him, leap for joy with him when we were young and carefree. My brother cared a lot. About people, animals, the world around him. My brother laughed a lot too. He was very funny and always wanted people to smile and 'feel good'.

Something I can learn from him, and my daughter is, when I create a world around me that 'feels good', I am letting the change I want to see in the world begin with me.

C.C. last night said, "One of the things I find most powerful at Choices is the statement, Changing the world one heart at a time. No one can change the world in one fell swoop, Louise. We can all create change though by starting with ourselves and letting love grow outward from where we're at, one person at a time."

Time to breathe. To move back into the circle of love that is my family and friends. To reconnect with what is really important to me -- the legacy of being known by those I love as a woman of integrity, love, kindness and caring. A woman who knows the value of what she has is greatest when she's creating value from the inside out. Time to let love be expressed in the laughter I share, the smiles I create and the 'feel good' changes I make in me.

I can still keep doing what I'm doing, being who I am, I just need to let go of taking myself so seriously I forget, I am not responsible for the world. My job isn't to change the world. My job is to be the change I want to create in the world around me -- and that comes with a whole bucket full of laughter and joy.

The question is: Are you taking yourself too seriously? Are you giving yourself the medicine of laughter, sunny days and buckets of joy? Are you being the change of love and joy?

Ripples

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams

It was late in the day and M.C. really wanted to chat. "I've got important news to tell you," he said, his smile a cheshire grin, his eyes twinkling.

Who can resist such an invitation?

"I'm here late this evening," I told him. "Why don't you drop into my office later?"

He came around five, sat down and said, "I wanted to tell you, I've decided to quit drinking."

It's been a long road, he told me, but he's finally realized he's not living to his potential. "I deserve better," he said.

"What I really wanted to tell you though, is I met a couple of your friends." he paused. "Police officers."

Oh oh. Not a run in with the law!

"It's okay. I've had a couple of warrants outstanding for the past few years. They've just sort of played at the back of my mind, causing unease, but I was scared to deal with them." He laughed. "Amazing how something that's so easy to deal with can cause so much internal distress."

When the officers had approached him they were respectful and kind. He decided then and there to give them his real name, not a fictitious one like, "Bob Gallagher". He laughed. "In the end, your name was a good omen anyway."

In the end, the officers discovered the two outstanding warrants and M.C. agreed to walk to police HQ with them. "You'll probably have to spend a night in jail," they said.

M. laughed. "Like it could be worse than a night on a mat in Intox?"

As they walked, they talked about homelessness, living in a shelter, the officers experiences on the street. At one point, one of the officers asked, "Do you know Louise Gallagher?"

M.C. laughed when he told me their question. "Do I know Louise Gallagher," he said. "Of course I do."

"Well," said one of the officers. "There's a guy at the shelter she often speaks about. An artist. She always speaks highly of him. That wouldn't be you would it?"

"Well, it could be," he replied. I'd asked M's permission long ago to use his story in my talks, but neither of us knew it would have such value today.

The officers went on to tell him how in my talks I encourage them to shift their perceptions and their attitudes towards individuals experiencing homelessness. "We don't go about hassling them," they told him. "We really approach individuals now with an attitude of concern. How can we help? What can we do? It's made a difference."

In the end, the difference for M. was rather than spend a night in jail, they processed him in fifteen minutes and gave him a notice to appear. The next morning, he appeared in front of a Justice of the Peace and had his issues dealt with in minutes.

His past mess is cleared up and his conscience is clean. Sobriety is taking hold.

M knows he may fall, "But I can get back up again," he said. "I know I'm worth more than being drunk. I know I have a lot to give, a lot of value."

"I really wanted you to hear the story about how I was treated," he said. "I know how hard you've worked to change perceptions, to shift attitudes. It's working. Don't give up."

Gratitude. Appreciation. Healing. Love. Grace

All those emotions swept through me as I listened to Ms story. All those emotions live within me as I realize, I can make a difference, as long as I don't give up.

We all can make a difference. Those two officers made a difference to M. He shifted his perceptions and attitudes towards police because they took the time to be considerate, caring and respectful.

We never know the ripple from our actions and words. We never know how something we do or say will resonate in the world beyond the sphere of our influence.

I felt gratitude yesterday to know that something I had said or done, had rippled out beyond the block where the shelter stands into the city beyond, into the hearts of those who serve and those who are served.

The question is: What kind of ripple will you make today?

Counting Chickens

The more we refuse to buy into our inner critics - and our external ones too - the easier it will get to have confidence in our choices, and to feel comfortable with who we are…. Arianna Huffington (www.huffingtonpost.com)

When I went through Choices three years ago, I created a contract with myself that is designed to remind me everyday of what I need to be to have more of what I want in my life. "I am a Fearless Woman" has become my mantra. My personal cheerleader spurring me on to take on more challenges, to do what I must, need, can to create the life of my dreams.

"I am a Fearless Woman" works well for me because, fear is the biggest stumbling block I face in my attempts to attain my goals. In fact, 'fear' is what keeps me from setting goals in the first place. When I remind myself that "I am a Fearless Woman" I remind myself that it is up to me to BE committed to DO what it takes to HAVE what I want.

In Laura Day's fabulous book, The Circle, she writes, "Sometimes you have to count your chickens before they hatch, or they may not hatch at all."

Sometimes, we have to 'pretend' to be who we intend to be in order to become who we are meant to be.

Being fearless is sometimes a pretend act. Yet, when I exercise my fearless muscle, it becomes stronger. In its strength I become that which I have been pretending to be.

As I get into the rhythm of being fearless, I set up a vibration in harmony with the world around me -- a world filled with abundance waiting for me to claim as my birthright. Believing that I am fearless, gives me options I never before dreamt were possible.

When I first set out to become a writer I was in my thirties. Most of my life I had dreamt of being a writer, but had always been too afraid to articulate my dream. So, I became a closet writer, squirreling away notebooks and journals of stories and ideas that I dreamt of one day publishing. In my fear of expressing my dream, I held myself back from acknowledging my inner desire. And in that fear I lived a life without passion. Sure, I appeared passionate on the outside doing all sorts of exciting and interesting things. But, on the inside, I was a quaking puddle of fear searching for a path to run free from my dreams. Rather than focusing on making my dream come true, I spent my time working on pushing it down.

A lot of spent energy in the wrong direction!

My fear of articulating my dreams is founded on the notion that other people will tell me I am wrong/stupid/conceited/self-centered/misguided (fill in the negative opinion) to even dream of doing what I dare to attempt. In my fear of their opinion I give away my power, my voice, my right to live the life of my dreams and give into the notion that it's okay to live my life by other people's measuring sticks.

It's not.

Firstly, often my concept of what other people are thinking is faulty. I'm projecting my fears onto them, constantly listening for the negative in their opinions to confirm I have a right to be afraid.

And secondly, I am grasping onto fear to keep me grounded in the valley of unrealized dreams. In my fear of reaching for the stars, I let gravity pull me down into the mire of the self-fulfilling prophecy that life is a struggle rather than an act of courage inspiring me to greater and greater heights.

In my fear of 'going for it', I seek out all the reasons why I can't. I weigh my opinions upon anything I can find that will reaffirm that going for it is out of the question. What would... people think? The neighbours say? The government do? What if.... I fail. How embarrassing would that be?

Well, having failed a few times and lived through every failure, I know that failure isn't the measure of my success. Learning from mistakes, taking chances to try new ways, to create value from everything -- that's the measure of my success.

And today, I'm one successful woman. I've quit playing chicken and am dancing on the frying pan of life sizzling with opportunity I've set on fire!

The question is: Are you playing chicken, counting only the hatched ideas of someone else's making? Or, are you willing to unhook the door to your chicken coop, throw open the windows and start hatching new ideas on how to live your life fearlessly beyond the edge of reason?

Wisdom within

Wisdom consists not so much in knowing what to do in the ultimate as knowing what to do next. Herbert Hoover

It was a week of sitting on the dock, feeling the gentle up and down motion of its sway pulling me away from stress into tranquility and calmness. It was a week of sun and fun and laughter and wine. A week with good friends doing what good friends do when faced with an empty calendar and lots of time to share being friends -- laughter, food, wine, stories, exploring and having fun.

We were on Kootenay Lake. A deep basin of water situated in the southern interior of British British Columbia. Mountains dress in fir trees and dying pines soared up from the shore touching the blue, blue sky high above. It is the dying pines that seemed so sad, so out of place in such a vibrant area. The pine beetles have had their way, chewing through tree bark into the delicate life force at the core of every tree. Amidst the green boughs of fir and spruce, the dry, red needles of the pines are a stark reminder of nature's fury. There is no cure for the pine beetle, no defence. Entire mountainsides are decimated by their hunger. Valleys are stripped bare, denuded of all vegetation.

And yet, there is a beauty in the deforestation. The trees are burnt red. Ochre. Tinder dry they remind us that life is an impermanent journey. No matter how much we know, life always has a surprise or two in store. Life always has its own way of bringing us back to what is important.

On this trip I was reminded of what is important everywhere I looked. C.C. and I drove out Thursday morning, a meandering route through Rockies, into the interior along the vastness of lakes lying like jewels in the centre of the surrounding peaks. He drove. I read and slept and occasionally chatted. Comfortable. Serene. Quiet. We were relaxed.

It set the tone for the week. Quiet. Serenity. Time unfolding at its pace as we flowed with it, into it, through it.

It was a week to refresh, to rekindle, to reconnect. A week to sink into the truth of what it means to be 'in relationship', to have a relationship, to be relational.

it was a week to cherish.

I am refreshed. Reinvigorated. Refocused. I spent a lot of time this week writing in my journal in the early dawn hours while C.C. and our two friends slept in the house. I'd awake, make a pot of coffee, gather up my book and journal and yoga mat and wander out onto the dock. Beneath the clear blue sky, the gentle swaying of the dock beneath me, I spent a couple of hours doing yoga, meditating, writing and reading. It was an ideal start to my day. As the rest of the crew awoke, I returned, refreshed and clear minded.

I have some decisions to make, some changes to set in motion, some ideas to flesh out. I am wiser for having taken the time to get to know where I'm at, and where I want to go, discerning what to do next. I am wiser for the time spent getting in touch with me, myself and I.

The question is: Are you sinking into the wisdom within, willingly letting yourself dip into the clear waters of your intuition, your knowing? Are you listening to your knowing what to do next?

Success is not found in perfection

Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person. Dr. David M. Burns

It is a small but significant distinction. Strive for success not perfection. When I am busily going after perfection, fear is constantly whispering in my ear. "No, not like that. Like this. Stop. That could be wrong. What if it doesn't work? How did the last person do it? What will people say if they find out it didn't work? What will people think if...." And on and on and on.

Striving for success however, gives me room to be human, to learn and grow from my mistakes, to find joy in each step I take. Measuring success is much more profound and fulfilling than measuring perfection. Like the Stand by Me video we just created at the shelter where I work. If I had been focused on perfection -- I'd be unhappy with the results and I'd be dissatisfied with my role in making it all happen. I'd have spent the entire process worrying about am I doing it right? Is this the right singer? Are they the right client? Is this the right way to get everyone together. Is that cut better than this cut to use? There would have been angst and drama around every step, every choice, every decision.

For me, that video is a success. Not because it's perfect -- believe me, I could show you all the flaws, of which there are many, and prove to you it is 'not perfect'. The flaws however, don't make the video. What makes the video is the spirit, the generosity, and the willingness of everyone who came out to participate. They came and gave their best, their 100%, without fearing whether or not they were 'doing it perfect' -- they were doing what they love to do with passion, purpose and grace. They were perfectly perfect in all their human imperfections. The outcome is a perfect reflection of all their efforts, of the spirit imbued in every moment of its creation.

And in the end, the project was a huge success. Not because I did everything right -- in fact its success comes through the lessons learned, the challenges overcome, the willingness to let go of being right so that everyone could be happily involved in creating something of significance.

Striving for success raises lots of questions. First, I need to know, what makes me happy? Do I know what brings joy and fulfillment into my life? How much of my day is spent being contented with where I'm and what I'm doing at versus how much is spent bemoaning what's going on for me?

These are important questions. Questions we need to stop and answer if we are to live a passionate, fulfilling life.

If you don't have any answers to 'what makes me happy', take some time today (remember, Start Right Now), and ask yourself, when was the last time I felt truly contented, satisfied with what I was doing, or how I was living my life? What was I doing? Am I doing any of that in my life today? Am I willing to make room for more of it? If not, why not? How important is it to me that I keep whining about what's going wrong in my life today? Am I willing to take action to change? What's in it for me to stay where I'm at, feeling what I'm feeling, doing what I'm doing if it makes me unhappy.

We can all get caught in the trap of measuring ourselves against a yardstick of perfection that cannot be attained. For some of us, it can become a habit to be constantly striving for the unattainable, working to achieve something we know we can never measure up to. The challenge is, to step away from the ruler and into the joy of being who we are truly meant to be aligned with everything we are doing to create a better world around us. Letting go of the need to 'be right', 'do it right', have it the 'right way' gives us space to start flowing into the joy of knowing we are successful when we joyfully align who we are with everything we are doing.

The question is: Are you feeling alive today? Eager to leap into action, to step forth with confidence into a day well lived, your best day yet? Do you know what makes you happy?

PS: C.C. and I are off on a five day adventure and I won't have access to a computer until we return Monday night. See you Tuesday morning!

Being Canadian

No man can produce great things who is not thoroughly sincere in dealing with himself. James Russell Lowell

He walked alone. A tall man. Slender. Black hair. Black t-shirt. Black jeans. Native. He was steady on his feet. Arms swinging freely by his sides. I didn't really notice him as I drove towards him until a police car swept in front of me from the opposite lane, stopping abruptly, nose to the curb, beside the man.

I approached slowly. Unsure why the car had so suddenly catapulted across the road. A tall, heavy-set officer got out. I recognized him immediately. B. Known by staff at the shelter where I work to be officious and not particularly kind to our clients. I passed him as he stepped around his car. He pulled on black gloves as he approached the native man who kept walking away.

"Stop right there," the officer screamed. "Stop."

The native man stopped and slowly turned towards the officer.

I kept driving slowly by. My eyes watching. The officer turned and saw me. I nodded my head. Raised my hand. He didn't smile back but he did stop pulling on his gloves.

I drove up the street, the girlfriend in the car with me visibly confused by what was going on. "Do you mind if we just stop and watch for a second?" I asked her.

"No problem," she replied. "Why'd he stop the guy?"

"I'm not sure. The man looked as confused as we do."

We pulled up against the curb further down the road, our eyes glued to the rearview mirrors.

The officer eyed my vehicle. Eyed the man standing in front of his car. The man spoke, obviously confused as to what he'd done wrong. The officer motioned to the lane from which the man had exited. The man shrugged his shoulders. He still seemed confused.

I watched as the man passed over what appeared to be his ID.

The officer got back in his car. The man waited. I waited.

A few minutes later another man came walking down the street. He was obviously under the influence. Staggering. Lurching from side to side as he walked. He saw the man standing in front of the police car. Stopped to chat. He was laughing. Pointing at the officer. The man in black motioned for him to move away. The man kept laughing. The man in black gave him a shove as if to say, "Go away." The other man persisted. The tall man in black took the man's arm and started to lead the man down the street towards the shelter. Suddenly, the officer leapt from his car, yelling at the man in black. The man let go of the other man's arm and stepped back towards the parked police car. The officer waved his arms in the air, still yelling.

I was too far away to hear distinctly what was being said. It was obviously not very kind. The tall man hung his head and stood silently in from of the officer. The officer passed the man back his papers. The man walked away.

I waited a few more minutes. The man kept walking. The police officer kept watching. He glanced back towards where I was parked. Looked towards the man walking away. Got in his car. Backed up and sped off.

It lasted only ten minutes but the pain of that encounter permeated my being. My girlfriend was also affected. "Why'd he stop the guy?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, it happens all too often" I told her. "Homeless individuals are often harassed for the fact they are homeless. For this man, compound his 'condition' with the fact he's Native and it's a double whammy."

"He looked so," she paused searching for the word. "Defeated."

Defeated.

It is the word I use most often to describe the people we serve. Defeated. Beyond depressed. Beyond angry. Beyond frightened. They carry their defeat like a blanket protecting them from the harsh winds of life that constantly swirl around them.

Defeated. A posture. An aspect. An outlook.

I hadn't wanted to get out of my car and approach the officer. I knew my presence alone would deter him. To confront him would have forced him to make up a story to validate why he'd stopped the man. I didn't want to risk worsening the situation. I wanted him to know he was being watched.

It is the sad reality of homelessness. So often, encounters with authority happen out of sight of watchful eyes. So often, encounters are pointless exercises of the authority given to someone by a badge, a gun, an oath to serve and protect that does not extend to someone the person in authority believes is criminal by the very label he carries.

I knew the officer last night. We had worked with the District to have him removed as his attitude has been excessively aggressive towards the people we serve. He's obviously still in the district. Still flexing his muscle when a kind word, a helping hand would go further to aid those suffering from homelessness.

I breathe.

I cannot change his attitude. I can adjust mine to accept that being watchful is as important as being present.

No question today. It is Canada Day. A holiday here on the northern side of the 49th Parallel. A day to celebrate what makes us uniquely Canadian. I wish being fair and kind and humane with all human beings, regardless of their socio/economic status was one of our attributes. I wish being Canadian meant everyone has the same value, equal representation, fair treatment, fair consideration, no matter their address.

I wish, Being Canadian meant everyone is special. Everyone experiences the joy of living their best without fear that where they're at is where they'll fall one day because no one was there to catch them. No one was willing to help them get back up.

I wish, Being Canadian meant the same for everyone. I wish it meant no one was defeated by life.

I breathe into my Canadian roots. Regardless of my land of birth, my birthright is the same as every human being. This is the journey of my lifetime. How I walk it is up to me. I cannot change the world. I can change how I walk through my world to create a gentler, kinder place all around me.

Change one thing

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. Benjamin Disraeli

I am feeling happy this morning. The sky is blue. Birds twitter and tweet in the pine tree outside my office window. Ellie is lying on the rug behind my desk. The morning unfolds and I awaken in its embrace opening me up to possibility.

Happiness. That sweet nectar of life flowing in my being. Joyful. Peaceful. Replete. I feel happy. My happy thoughts create a sense of well-being around me.

We each have a 'happiness set-point' that is genetically imprinted on our DNA. According to the American Happiness Association, (AHA), in a study by Tellegen and associates conducted comparing twins reared apart and together, this set-point was attributed to account for 50% of our happiness disposition(1). Life the cup half-full or half-empty, our set-point, can be raised by our actions, thoughts and the world around us.

Want to be happier?

Get busy doing things that make you feel better about yourself, that make a difference in the world around you. Get thinking about yourself in ways that honour your beauty, get thinking about yourself in love.

Yesterday, I loaded the video of Ben E. King's Stand by Me, which we created at the shelter where I work. Working on this project made me happy. It also made everyone we worked with happy too, including the director who had lost his wife of twenty-eight years to cancer during the filming. "This project was a God-send to me," he told me one day as we sat in the editing suite. "I feel better listening and watching it. It has given me something positive to focus on at a time I desperately needed it."

Last night I sent the you.tube link to all our staff at the shelter, as well as to people in my contact list. It was wonderful to hear back from people I don't communicate with very often. It made me happy!

Last night, my daughters invited me to join them for yoga. It made me happy to spend time with them doing something we all enjoy. In my gratitude of time with them, and time meditating in yoga, I felt happy.

In a newsletter published by AHA! they suggest, if you are not feeling particularly happy in this moment -- Change one thing.

If your face is feeling tight. Smile.

If your body is tense. Consciously relax.

Make a list of things you like to do and ask yourself, am I doing enough of this? If not, what's holding you back? Can you fit it into your day today? If you like gardening, can you go out and water your plants every morning before going to work? If you like walking, can you go out for a ten minute walk every morning before starting your day?

If the news makes you unhappy, turn off the news for a day. Don't watch TV. Don't read the paper.

If you lie on the couch every night watching two or three hours (or more as is the case in most Canadian homes), turn off the TV and go for a walk with your loved ones, or play a game. Do something different to rev up your happiness set-point -- and your intimacy level with those you love.

Is your bedroom closet cluttered? How about de-cluttering? Put on some wild and crazy music -- Liseanne my youngest daughter used to clean her room to opera music blaring -- dance and clean at the same time. Get wild.

Do you love to bake? How about baking some cookies and taking them to the senior's residence down the street, or sharing them with a neighbour? The act of baking married with the goodwill of sharing will raise your happiness set-point.

Change one thing.

Look at your life today and ask yourself -- what one thing can I change that will raise the bar on my happiness today?

And then do it!

Happiness is a state of mind that is strengthened in our gratitude for all we have. If all you can do today is make a gratitude list, Do It Now! Write a list of five things you are grateful for.

This morning, my gratitude list is:

1. I have a computer I can type on, the ability to write, and people I connect with through my writing.
2. I have a warm cup of coffee -- yummy!
3. I have a job I love to go to.
4. A man I love who loves me.
5. A family who are outstanding!
6. Two daughter whom love to spend time with me.
7. A painting I'm working on that brings me joy.
8. A home of my own.
9. A car to carry me around.
10. Good health and well-being.
11. Eyes to see the beauty of the world around me.
12. An email from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile.
13. Friends who are incredibly giving and kind and caring.

And I could go on. Get the picture? Gratitude is the starting point of all that makes me happy. As my friend Joe wrote to me yesterday, I believe that expressing gratitude - to ourselves and to those around us - may be the perfect expression of self love. Wouldn't it be wonderful to live there all the time?

Yes, it would. Living there is a choice. Gratitude is the road we walk to get there.

The question is: What's one thing you can change today to raise your happiness set-point? Are you willing to let yourself be happy by being the change you want to have in your life?

(1) Tellegen, A., Lykken, D.T., Bouchard, T.J., Wilcox, K.J., Segal, N.L., and Rich, S. (1988). Personality similarity in twins reared apart and together. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 54, 1031-39