Joyce Wycoff Everyday Beauty: Día de los Muertos: Romerillo, Chiapas

Joyce Wycoff Everyday Beauty: Día de los Muertos: Romerillo, Chiapas

The Window

The Window Through Which We Look





A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next

morning while they were eating breakfast, The young woman

saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside. 'That laundry is

not very clean,' she said. 'She doesn't know how to wash

correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.'

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, The young

woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see

a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:

'Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this.'

The husband said, 'I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.'

And so it is with life.

What we see when watching others depends on the window through which we look.

I'm over at A Year of Making a Difference!

I have been absent from this place for awhile.

Oh, I've been writing every day -- just not here.

And in case you're looking for me and wondering where I'm at....

I'm over at A Year of Making a Difference.

Every day.

Hope to see you there if  we haven't connected in awhile.

Blessings!

Life is an act of creation

When I was a child my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll be the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.  Pablo Picasso

When I was a child, my sister and I spent hours re-enacting scenes from our favourite movies. Gone with the Wind. The Parent Trap. We knew all the characters, all the parts and we each had our favourites.

It didn't matter that our stage was a stretch of lawn or that Tara was a sheet draped over a tree or that we each had to play three or four different parts, differentiating the characters only through our voices as we didn't have time to change wardrobe --  we didn't really have any wardrobe to change into anyway. This was a low budget reproduction -- very creative, just not very accurate.

But none of that mattered. What mattered most was that we spent the time together. Laughing. Sharing. Creating.

When I was a child, I liked to draw. To sing and dance and to play piano. I liked to write and make up stories. To play dolls and the now politically incorrect, "Cowboys and Indians".

It didn't matter to me what the game or activity. What mattered most was that I was being creative. Expressing myself through arts of all nature.

And then, I grew up.

I still liked to write. To create. To make something out of nothing.

But the tone was different. There was something lacking in my creation.

I kept thinking it needed 'A Purpose.'

To create for creation sake just didn't seem to be viable, make sense, have meaning. If I was painting, there needed to be a reason. If I was writing, there needed to be an audience. And, if I was dancing, there needed to be 'the right steps'.

I've grown beyond those 'grown-up' days of believing I need 'A Purpose' to my art. I've grown beyond thinking there are right steps, wrong moves, perfect brushstrokes or perfectly turned phrases.

I've grown into being me. Creatively. Expressively. Passionately.

Today, I know that at my core I am a creative being. That life is an act of creation.

Today, I express myself in ways that fulfill on my belief, and need, to create beauty in the world around me.

Today, I let go of the right steps and move with grace and ease into being each step I take to create beauty in the world around me.

There's freedom in each movement. Freedom in being my creative self.

And, there's joy in knowing every breath I take is an act of creation. Every step I take is an expression of the beauty I want to create in the world. 

************************************************

I am teaching at The Peace Academy on Thursday night next week. My 2 hour course is a guide to making peace with your inner muse -- based on my course -- Right Your Heart Out -- I'll be guiding participants in how to create with joy and freedom from your core creative self.

Do come and play if you're in town!  It will be fun!

In Liberty's Gaze (a 4th of July Repost)

You can protect your liberties in this world only by protecting the other man's freedom. You can be free only if I am free. Clarence Darrow

She didn't know her own strength. She'd never been tested. Never been put up against man's nature to tear things down.

No one knew what would happen when the winds of advertsity blew. When the gales howled. When the hurricanes ripped through the foundations of her belief. Give me your tired, your poor...

No one knew the measure of her strength under pressure of another's assertions he knew best, that his truth was the righteous belief of mankind's salvation. No one knew.

And, when the winds came, as they often do, they howled and careened around her body, pummeling her righteous stance, her insistance that she not be swayed. Her belief that she must hold fast. Be strong.

The winds screamed like a thousand banshees roaring through desert sands, a storm of idealogies cast upon the winds, swirling around her, rising up into a hailstorm of dissent, rising up with hatred and condemnation, fear and loathing. A typhoon of evolutionary calamity in the making of war that would never know peace until quietened in an oasis of calm at the sheer strength of her steadfast gaze through time. ...Give me... Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore...

The winds roared and she stood strong and true as she stands strong and true today. True to the foundation upon which she was built, a symbol of friendship, freedom and peace, this lady of liberty. This lady of the strength to hold fast the belief of nations and the dream of all mankind. Liberty for all. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me...

Hers is the strength of a dream woven into the fabric of their collective nationhood aspiring for equality, justice, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness for all mankind. A nation of people who stand true in their belief in the rightness of all men to worship from their own separate pew. The strength of a nation that stands true to the right of all men, women and children, where ever on earth they may stand to rise up and be heard, be seen and be free. I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

The above is the inscription inside the base of the Statues of Liberty in New York harbour, Swan Ally Island in the Seine River in Paris and Paris' Luxembourg Gardens. The lines are found in a sonnet by Emma Lazarus, The New Colossus written in 1883.


The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles.
From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
Emma Lazarus, 1883

I have reposted this in honour of our American neighbour's July 4th Independence Day celebrations.

Happy July 4th my friends!

PS -- having since written a piece on the African term, Ubuntu -- I can see the connection in all things -- We are all connected. Ubuntu from the Bantu language, represents the philosophy that -- "I am what I am because of who we all are."

May we all be free together. May we all know our magnificence together. May we all be together.

In Wine Country

I am relaxing in the 'sitting room' of the B&B where C.C. and I are staying in Sonoma County. Yesterday we drove along the coast from San Francisco, the top down on the mustang convertibe we rented for the next three days we'll be here in wine country.

Can you say 'supercalifragilisexpealidocious'?

The sun pouring down, the sea breezes wafting all around. Eagles soaring above. A view that just won't stop. We drove through forests, along winding roads and along cliffs bordering the Pacific. Sublime.

Today, we visited vineyards. Small, out-of-the-way places I've never heard of. Arista. Moshoin. Iron Horse.

At each, we were greeted by friendly and knowledgeable staff who poured and chatted and shared stories of the places. At Moishon we bought a Pinot Noir and a book on Dogs of the Vineyards. At Arista, a beautiful desert wine and at Iron Horse, a lovely bubbly that ticked my nose with delight. Also a at Iron Horse, the daughter of the owners poured bubbly into tall flutes, while sharing stories of growing up in this magical place.

Sigh.

I think I'm in heaven. Seriously. Heaven must be a vineyard somewhere and why not here?

When I was a little girl the story of Eden enthralled me. I imagined palm trees, ocean breezes, birdsong and flowering plants everywhere. I didn't know then the joys of wine, but if I had, I would have imagined vineyards sprawled out along valley bottoms, climbing up hillsides, green shoots shooting out into the sun.

Sort of like the Sonoma valley, in particular, the east side of the Russion River in Sonoma valley country.

Lush. Verdant. Towering redwoods. Olive groves and citrus. The world is a tapestry of rich, full and vibrant sights, sounds and smells here in the valley.

Just like the Eden of my imaginings long ago.

Unlike my childhood imaginings, this particular Eden is also filled with people, my beloved and the wayfarers along the way we've met and shared a story here, a tasting there. Like Len and his wife, Gegina (and I'm not sure I've got that right -- she is originally from Sweden, or was that Denmark?) and their friend Moat. A delightful couple sharing their trip up from LA with Len's best friend, and former police partner, Moat. The laughter and repartee between all three was engaging. Both C.C. and I were enchanted by their warmth, their humour and their generosity of spirit.

We met them at the Arista Winery. A small, 5,000 case a year winery specializing in Pinot's. We laughed and joked and agreed to meet up at Iron Horse.

C.C. and I got lost. When the map showed a right, I said left -- I am directionally challenged, I cannot deny it. Even turning the map upside down does not always make sense of East, West. North. South.

Twenty minutes later, after insisting that we must be going in the right direction, there are hills with vineyards and Iron Horse is on top of a hill I told him, we decided we'd best turn around.

Sure enough, we were headed in the opposite direction.

Laughing, (okay so I was laughing and C.C. was more being patient than anything else -- but then, he's accustomed to getting lost with me as navigator) we made our way back, and up and over hills to arrive at Iron Horse.

Len and Moat and Gegina were waiting for us. "We figured you must have been lost!" they said when we drove up. "If it wasn't for GPS, we'd never have found the place either."

We laughed. Even with GPS Louise can get us lost, C.C. mentioned and then told them about my artistic navigation skills.

We're found now, I insisted and we walked up to the tasting table and began 'the task' of sipping on bubbly from the Iron Horse vineyards.

Divine.

Standing on a hilltop overlooking the Russian River and the 320 acres of grapes ripening, rolling hills, eagles soaring, palm trees standing sentinel, we spent a delightful hour with, as Gegina said, "Our new best friends" and agreed to meet again, some other time, some other place.

It is the way of the wine country.

Strangers meet. Share a glass of nectar, a tall tale or two and form fast friendship -- maybe we will, or not, meet up again. In the moment, beneath the sun and heat of the day, the pleasure of eachother's company is intensified by shared experience..

Contact info exchanged, we parted ways. C.C. and I to Guernville, the trio back to Santa Rosa where they are staying.

And between us, a delightful encounter that has the promise of becoming a deeper friendship like a new wine settling into old.

I hope we do stay in touch. I hope we do connect again. The realness of their presence, the laughter and the depth of their conversation left me wanting to know more.

You're a real social animal," C.C. laughed when we parted with our new friends.

"I am," I agreed. "And most of all, I just really like people. And they were nice people to like in this place that feels like heaven on earth!"

Breathless I fall (a poem from wine country)

BREATHLESS I FALL

In this place,

ocean breezes carry me

senseless

thoughts unravelling streaming out like clouds floating by without regard to time or space into fantasy

where sun and sand and sea meet on the playing field of dreams

running naked into untold stories of men with hooded eyes who

sit and sip fingerprinted glasses full of absinthe

voices rich with tall tales woven into visions of walruses and sailing ships pushing out

my breath catches on your lips red rimmed with the wine we tasted together laughing at a bar

sighing I fall

into the fragrance of this soft summer night

captive in the pages of a story yet untold beckoning

I unravel the chords of life killing me softly

upon the sultry notes of a jazz piano spinning me

senseless into the night

satiated I let go of needing to know for whom the bell tolls

and find myself running breathless into the arms of my beloved waiting to catch me

senseless I fall into the night.

In this sacred space

We met, six peace-makers in a room, plotting, scheming, designing peace. It is all in aid of Summer of Peace Calgary 2012 which kicks-off Friday night at Drumming Up Peace!

I won't be there. C.C. and I will be in San Francisco for a long-needed and joyfully anticipated break. And that's good. For in the hands of my fellow peace-makers, Drumming Up Peace! will unfold and we will launch a grassroots movement to create a million acts of peace.

As we plotted, the muse awoke and created a song of peace. And as we stood in our closing circle, I knew -- peace is everywhere. Like love, it is limitless. It is just we humans who forget how to connect to that which brings us peace... Love.

Mary Oliver. I am breathing ( a poem)

Mary Oliver:  I am breathing

Breathing just a little

life flows

without thought

of each moment passing

away

draining into the next

every drop of anticipation

sucked dry

of life's rich bounty

unfolding

in the unexpected joy

of being alive.

Breathing together

of all things

I find myself

awakened

revelling in every drop

of anticipation

dripping wet in the ripe, rich fruit

of life

flowing

effortlessly

into the unexpected joy

of being alive.

©2012 Louise Gallagher

In That Place (a poem)

Recently, a young woman from England dropped in here to say hello. I wandered over to her place and was touched by her courage, her wisdom and her awareness.

She's not had it easy. And yet, despite what she's had, and not had, she keeps taking one step and putting it in front of the last creating a new path into a place where sadness and darkness no longer invade the quiet of her journey into the light.

Today, she shared a song by Tom McRae and it resonated -- in particular, this phrase.

I'm livin' up here where the air is thin
where gravity don't bring you down.

And, as often happens when I hear or read or see something that stirs my soul, the muse awakens and words appear from that thin place where I breathe into the moment, free of air, free of expectation, free of anything other than sensing in the moment, the aliveness of possibility.

Thank you On My Way for touching my soul.


In That Place.
©2012 Louise Gallagher

Let me be
in that place
where gravity
don't bring me down
and rain
drops
don't flood
the fire
burning
in my heart.

Let me run
into that space
where gravity
holds me up
against
the wind
pushing me down
and I don't feel
the rain
falling
I don't feel
the cold
clawing
I don't
feel
cold
no more.

Let me run
and be
that one
who always sees
the brighter side
of life
the upside
of down
the other side
of inside
out.

Out there
somewhere
other than in that place
where I pull
against
gravity
urging me
to stand
up.

Let me be
in that place
where gravity
don't hold me
down.


 

We are here to be our miraculous selves

It has been over two weeks since I posted here. How time flies.

I sometimes wonder.... if I didn't post here any more would I miss it. And then I realize -- I would. Because this place was my launching pad for healing -- deep, deep emotional healing. From the past. From the sadness within me. From the events that clung like fog to my thinking.

I didn't realize it at the time, five years ago when I started writing here. I didn't realize how connected I was still to the sadness and horror of those days when I lost my way in the arms of a man whose love was not true.

Funny isn't it how we don't realize what was until we're no longer in the place of being there. In those times. In that place. In that thinking.

Since beginning to write here, so much has changed. So much has evolved, shifted, opened up, expanded.

I have learned through writing here that I am my thoughts. And what I write reflects my deep belief that we are all miracles of life. Life is miraculous.

I have learned writing here that we are all on this earth to live as our highest expression of life. We are here to be the sacred nature of our soul's desire to express itself through our beauty, truth, holiness and divinity. We are here to be miracles of life.

I have learned that my thinking can keep me playing small, or open me up to my magnificence.

I have learned that trusting in the Universe is the foundation of my belief, life is filled with limitless possibilities and I am powerful beyond my wildest imaginings when I trust in the Universe. The Universe is not against me it is always there, encouraging me to trust in the evolutionary impulse  to evolve and grow and expand and become. To be all that I am when I let go of fearing the Universe is not with me. The Universe is with me. For me. Of me. It is in the best interests of humanity that I shine, that you shine, that we all be our greatest expression of Love.

I have learned that fear will always want to steal my peace of mind and being courageous is the only antidote to fear.

I have learned that people are amazing. People make the world a better place.

And I have learned that Love is the answer. Love always wins.

I am blessed to have had this place as I moved more deeply into living joyfully in the rapture of now. I am blessed to have shared this journey with you, to have your words of support, encouragement, strength.

It is amazing to me the friendships I have made through this virtual world. It is amazing and it brings me joy, warmth, pleasure to know so many of you are my friends, my companions, my guides on this journey.

As I look back at over five years of writing almost every day here, I am in awe of the journey, and the mystery we have shared. I am in awe.

It's been a wonderful experience writing at A Year of Making a Difference. The focus and the subject are very important to me. But, what I've realized is that there is still so much more to explore in my life as well.

Why, just last week at meditation I dove deeply into the waters of self-discovery and found myself in the ocean of humanity once again.

Today I spoke with a woman whose mother just passed away. "We are all part of the ocean of life," she said in response to my question about her well-being. "Though my mother is gone, we're still connected. The essential part of ourselves will always be connected, if not on this physical plane, then some other place."

And I felt the ocean of humanity wash over me again.

We are all connected.

We are all spirit. We are all human. We are all miraculous beings of life and light.

It is a deep realization that has continued to open up within me the possibility and the knowing that there is nothing to fear in this world. Not failure. Not success. Not falling. Not flying. Not life. Not death.

There is nothing to fear. For no matter what happens on this earthly plane, we are eternal. We are soul. One humanity. One spirit. One people.

I haven't written here for over two weeks, and I have missed this space. I have missed the reflective nature of who I am when I am here, musing with you, sharing with you my wonder and joy in being alive.

I have missed you.

And.... yet, just as there is nothing to fear, there is nothing to miss. We are all connected.

Isn't life just the most awesome thing you can imagine?  I think so!

When time stopped.

May 21. A momentous day. A day worth noting. Remarking. Celebrating.

A day like any other day, except, this day was 'the day'. Nine years ago today, at 9:14 am. This is the day it all ended and began again. This is the moment that changed, everything. Forever. This is the time when for one moment, time stopped.

And began...

...again.

and between the stopping and the beginning, in between the moments of time passing on, everything changed. Everything shifted.

In between the stopping and the beginning, the past began to unravel. The future began to turn. In a new direction. A different way. Another path.

It was on this morning, nine years ago today, that two police officers walked in and arrested the man who promised to love me, to never hurt me and then who set about hurting me in ways I never could imagine.

It was on this morning, nine years ago today, that life began again filled with the promise of all that I could be when I gave up believing that his abuse was all that I deserved.

I am blessed.

Nine years ago today at 9:14 am I received the miracle of my life.

Nine years ago today I was set free from his abuse. Free to live this one wild and precious life fully alive in the rapture of now.

Nine years ago today, I got my life back and life has never been the same.

I am remembering today. Not the bad times. The pain and sorrow.

No. I am remembering the joy, the freedom, the love I have experienced since that moment at 9:14 am when time stopped...

... and my life began again.

I am grateful.

I am blessed.

I am in Love.

Namaste.

In the comfort of not moving

It is Saturday. A day of relaxation. Togetherness. Shopping. Errands. going to the market on our list of 'to do's'. Getting dinner ready to share with friends.

C.C. came home last night. He is still travelling back and forth from Saskatoon. Still organizing 'the move'.

But now, it's a move in the opposite direction. Where we had talked about my moving there, we've agreed it makes more sense for him to move his Head Office here, sooner, rather than later.

At least, that's the goal. That's the target, the destination, the view from here.

I am...

relieved.

I was willing, and able to go. Excited about a new adventure. Eager to be together again on a daily basis.

Not moving from here opens different doors, other possibilities.

It gives me time and space and opportunity to settle back into being present without worrying about clearing and packing and shuffling and setting up all over again. It gives me space to create anew. Rather than endings, I see beginnings.

Not moving, physically, gives me room to be okay with being here without feeling urged, or feeling like I must, make being there... okay.

It was a big decision, the decision to move.

It is not a 'big' decision to stay as much as a choice to simply not move. This is home. And for both of us, here is where we want our home to be.

I am...

relieved.

And on this cloudy, moody Saturday morning, I am at ease in this place where I sit at my desk in my office, looking out the window at a world of colour exploding with greenery and pink blossoms. Music plays softly, Olafur Arnalds -- Eulogy for Evolution. It is on my playlist of "Music to write by". Coffee cools in my mug, the motor of the pump in the fishtank hums softly. In the bedroom on the other side of the wall behind me, C.C. sleeps in our bed, Ellie, the wonder pooch, curled up on one side beside him, Marley the great cat on the other.

This is the beginning of my day. Soft, gentle feelings of being at home. Of being at ease and comfortable in my life.

I am grateful and content.

I am at ease.

How's your Saturday?

Here's a little Olafur Arnalds to immerse your day in comfort and grace.

Summer of Peace Calgary 2012

It is time.

Time to awaken, to rise up, to celebrate.

Time to open our hearts, shift our minds and lift our spirits up!

It is time to put down arms without fearing for our lives and hold out our arms in love for every life on this planet called Earth.

It is time to move away from discord and unease into harmony and joy.

To move beyond self-righteousness into acceptance.

To let go of fearing our differences and embrace what makes our uniqueness in love.

To step beyond fear into the courage to act. In Peace.

It is time.

To think peace. Be peace. Know peace. In our hearts and minds, in our families and communities, in our cities and provinces, states and countries. It is time for peace in our world.

It is time.

We're making time for PEACE here in Calgary. June 22. We'll be pounding the drums. Feeling the beat and heeding the call of Peace.

Inspired by the brilliance of Kerry Parsons whose Centre for Inspired Living has helped thousands of people move beyond conflict, discord and unease into living within harmony, peace and joy, a team of co-creators has woven together a plan to unleash PEACE in Calgary.

"Drumming Up Peace!" will take place Friday, June 22 at 7pm at the Inglewood Community Centre as part of Calgary Community Drum Circles' Friday night meet-up. "Drumming Up Peace" will launch  Summer of Peace Calgary 2012 -- with song and dance and drumming and a Declaration of Peace for all to sign and commit to.

Summer of Peace Calgary 2012 is a grassroots movement embedded in the global SHIFT Network that, along with Barbara Marx Hubbard and other evolutionary leaders, is preparing for Birth 2012 -- the conscious evolution of our human species that will unleash our natural creative potential to live cooperatively with peace, sustainability, health and prosperity.

And we're excited.

Peace is possible.

Peace is necessary.

Peace is in the air and our hearts!

Peace is within all of us to give, to make, to extend, to hold onto and hold out.

It only takes one act, one choice, one decision to give peace a chance.

It only takes one move, one shift, one action to set in motion a ripple of peace throughout the world.

What's your ripple?

Will you be an agent of peace?

Will you make your difference be counted in moments of strife, or will you make your difference count in moments of joy?

Will you put down anger to take up harmony?

Will you let go of fear to embrace change?

Will you be a peace destroyer or, a Peace Builder?

We can all make a difference in how we create peace in our lives. Moment by moment we can choose to build every action  we take upon our conscious decision to Choose Peace.

Peace is possible when we let go of believing it's impossible.

Peace begins now when we let go of believing it will happen at some distant time when the stars and planets align to make room for peace.

There is room for peace in all our hearts. There is a place for peace, everywhere in the world.

It is time. To make peace, right here, right now.

It is time to shift our planet out of the way of war and turbulence and self-destruction.

It is time to make peace, today, so that we can create harmony for our world tomorrow.

It is time.

Will you act in peace today?

Will you raise your consciousness up to become aware of every step, every word, every action you take and it's ability to destroy, or create peace, love and harmony in your world?

You can. I can. We can. Make peace happen. Now.

Let's do it!

Happy Mother's Day! (repost from A Year...)

It is Mother's Day. A time to celebrate.  A time to give thanks. A time to say, I love you mom.

I was the final note in a quartet of children. The 'baby' of the family, I had my way. I was spoiled, rotten, my siblings would tell you. My mother despaired for me. "How will you ever get by in life if you always do it your way?" she would ask. "Why can't you just listen to me?" she would plead. "Why can't you be like the others?"

My mother and I often fought. We argued about hair and make-up, the shortness of my skirts, the length and colour of my fingernails. We disagreed on most things from the boys I liked to the dreams I held dear. We saw the world through different eyes, from how safe it was, to how beautiful it is. We seldom saw the same colour. She saw blue. I saw cerulean. She saw red. I saw crimson. We seldom heard the same song. She heard a lark singing. I heard an eagle calling.

When I was a little girl, I remember my mother fussing with my hair, straightening my blouse, insisting I dress the same as my older by 2 and a half years sister. I didn't want to dress the same. I didn't care if my blouse was straight. I just wanted to get on with life. To get out into the world and explore. And my mother feared for me.

I used to think it was because she didn't trust me. Didn't believe I knew how to be, out there, out beyond the ties that bound me to the umbilical cord of her love. I thought she didn't want me to grow, to achieve, to become all I wanted to be.

It wasn't until I became a mother that I understood. It wasn't until I struggled to achieve my impossible dream of being there for my daughters in every way they needed me that I saw the truth. It wasn't because my mother didn't trust me or  love me that she worried about me so. It was because she never wanted me to be hurt. She never wanted me to fall down. She never wanted me to know the pain she felt, out there, in the world.

My mother wanted to keep me safe. Always. And in her fear she could not hold me forever in her arms, in her fear she would not be able to stop the inevitability of my falls, she knew she had to let me go so that I could fly free. And she did.

Motherhood is an act of courage. Of faith. Of letting go when all you want to do is hold on as tightly as you can to the one you love.

I had no intention of becoming a mother. In fact, according to the doctors, after two ruptured ectopic pregnancies, it wasn't supposed to be physically possible. And then, the miracle of Alexis arrived and eighteen months later, Liseanne followed along, a laughing, squirming bundle of joy and life became a never-ending story of Love. In Love, life unfolded in wonder with every breath they took and every moment of their lives that took my breath away.

I am grateful to my mother. She taught me well to love and let go. To be and let become.

My mother is almost 90 now. Frail. Delicate. A tiny sparrow of a woman, my mother still hears larks singing. She still sees the beauty of a red sunset and she still knows the gifts of love. Her life has not been easy. She has lost her husband and her only son, been distanced from two of her granddaughters through the grief that followed. My mother sits quietly now. She no longer fights back. She no longer cries out for me to 'be careful', 'slow down'. She no longer cautions me to be like the others, to stop doing it my way, to quit making waves.

And now, despite our differences, despite the distance between our perspectives, my mother and I share the same heart. It is kind and caring, soft and gentle. My heart is founded in my mother's love, and I am grateful. For in her heart I have learned to give and receive. In her ways, I have embraced the joy of being kind and caring, soft and gentle. In her love, I have discovered what it means to be a mother.

A mother loves the tiny seed within her womb, nurturing the possibility of life with all her being. A mother gives birth to a child's dreams and schemes, breathing as her child breathes, crying as her child cries, falling as her child falls. A mother watches over her child, holding on with all her heart to their dreams of flight, fearing with all her being the inevitability of their falling, and letting go of holding on in the certainty of their flying free.

In the constant presence of my mother's love, I have learned to fly free, learned to soar high knowing, no matter where I go, my mother's heart will always be the tie that binds me back into the circle of love that connects us.

Mothers are the difference in a world of Love. Happy Mother's Day!

Without our mothers, the Circle Game would never unfold. Enjoy one of my favourite songs-- Joni Mitchell's Circle Game.

Judgments hurt

Something has changed in how blogger notifies me of comments, and I keep finding comments in my notifications that I thought I'd approved but somehow didn't get posted! My apologies if I seem to be ignoring comments. It's more that I am slow to adapt to Blogger's new ways of doing what they've always done and suddenly changed!

Which, is what got me thinking about inner-speak. When I discovered this morning that there were several comments not posted that I had thought I had posted, my inner voice got busy.

"How rude, Louise."

"Seriously, you are such an.... idiot, fool, incompetent... Pick your favourite word, my inner-judge likes to pick many.

The affirmation for the week in an online "Soul Coaching" course I am taking is, "My evaluation of myself is not who I am."

Hmmm....  it's not?

You mean, I'm not really who my inner critic tells me I am?

That's right!  You're not your judgments!

Hallelujah!

Being self-critical does not serve me well. Judging myself as a loser, incompetent, or any host of negative feedback the critic likes to deliver, does not strengthen, nourish or nurture me.

In any self-assessment there is that place where absolute honesty is essential to growth and healing.It feels at times like an oxymoron. Be honest. Be kind. -- what if in my honesty I find myself lacking? Is it kind to point out my areas of lack if I'm being honest?

Don't judge how you judge myself.

When I know I've acted out, being kind means that in my honesty I must name what I've done. It does not mean I have to name myself as less than, or other than, who I am as a human being.

Behaviour and my human essence are separate. Behaviour can be changed, worked on, modified. My human essence is fundamentally 'good'. It is light. It is beauty. It is life.

Where I am in my life is not as important as the judgments I make about where I am, or how I am in my life.

Judgments hurt. Me. Those I judge outside of me. The world around me.

Judgments limit my experience of being all I am meant to to, all I am when I let go of judging how I'm doing and moving into accepting that in this moment, I am doing my best.

When I honour my intention -- to be a kind, caring, loving human being -- and accept that sometimes, my actions turn up on the dark side of the curtain -- I love myself in all my complexity, light and dark, yin and yang, beauty and the beast, shadow. When I let go of judging myself, I step into the sea of healing that is all around me.

I discovered I missed posting some comments on my blog this morning. I didn't intend to miss them. My intention is that I honour the people who connect with me here.

And I do.

My commitment is to continue to do my best, to figure out how to work with Blogger's new way, and to continue to honour those who share their thoughts by posting and commenting and engaging in the conversation.

Thank you everyone who posts a comment. Thank you everyone who reads. I appreciate your presence and your light on my journey.

Namaste.

Spinning through time and space. I beat the drum.

Yesterday's walk. Before the snow.

I went drumming last night. I pound upon the drum skin. I beat the rhythm of my heart. And I was refreshed, renewed, revitalized.

It was an amazing two hours of rhythm and beat. Of people joined in a circle creating music that lifted spirits and soothed souls.

It was fabulous!

I have participated in a couple of drum circles before, but never one this large. Over 100 people, ranging in age from below 5 to over 65, were gathered in the community centre in Inglewood, a round building with a tee-pee like roof. "This is Blackfoot land" a woman beside me whispered. "It's sacred."

And I felt it. The sacred nature of the space and the drumming and the people gathered together. Just as I feel it every Wednesday night at meditation with my group. The sacred connection to all that is alive and beautiful and wondrous and Divine about our spiritual essence living out our human presence on this planet called Earth, spinning through time and space, believing all that is, is us, here on earth, spinning through time and space.

Last night, as I sat in the drum circle and closed my eyes and just listened to the beat of the drums, I felt the spinning stop. I felt time and space fall away as I settled into me, into being present, in the moment, right there, right then.

Ripples of Peace

It can be challenging in this busy, gotta get it done, get to it, get at 'er world to find that moment of present being, that space where 'the stuff' falls away and we become one with the One, one in the moment of being, here, right now, exactly the way we are, exactly as we are in being here.

I felt it last night. I breathed into it, lived it, embraced it and let it become me and me it. And in my being, it, I knew that this world, this life, this moment is all there is, all I need to be alive and well and living on earth.

I beat the drum last night and in the pounding of my heart, I felt the rhythm of my soul calling me to be at peace, to be at One with being right here, right now where all is well.

This morning, snow falls -- yes, it is May 5 and snow is falling. Ellie sleeps on the floor behind me, C.C. sleeps in our bed a cat on each side (my daughter's cat is visiting). Snow falls in big white fluffy flakes, wet and heavy, it clings to the boughs of the fir tree outside my window. And here, inside, I am warm. I am complete. I am surrounded by love. Peace fills my heart. Joy lifts my spirits. And, harmony fills my soul with eternal bliss.

I beat the drum last night and the beat continues to resonate in my being this morning as I watch snow falling to the ground in the sacred nature of this moment, right now, where I am and all is well.

Choosing my thoughts carefully.

I am doing contract communications work for an agency in the city. It is a retainer based situation -- which means I commit to a certain number of hours a week. Which is great. But...

There is always that but!

Initially it requires more hours than I wanted to commit -- but their needs at the moment require the extra time. I have several projects on the go and caught myself this morning thinking about how harried and pressured I feel to 'get it all done'.

And then I breathed.

Yes, I have lots to do.

Yes, time is limited.

And yes, I have a tendency to over-commit. What I don't want to do is under-deliver!

I breathe some more.

My fear of under-delivering is a trap. It sucks my energy out. It undermines my confidence in my ability to get the work done.

I breathe.

I have lots to do, which as a consultant is an enviable and great place to be!

Breathe.

I have all the time and the talent and the energy I need to get the work done.

What I don't have time for is giving into my self-defeating game of stressing out, or over, what I need to do.

What I do have time for is organizing my day, my workplan, my time to ensure I give my best at all times.

What I do have time for is moving with grace and ease, being open and forthright, delivering my best and communicating where I'm at in meeting the various deadlines of the tasks before me.

What I do have time for is life.

And this is life. It's all part of the process. Part of what it takes to live the life of my dreams.

I feel better having just written it out. I feel calmer knowing -- I am in control of how I spend my time, and energy. I am in control of what thoughts I give into, what thoughts I cast light on, what thoughts I let empower me to do what I need to do to live my best day yet.

We all do -- have the power to cast light on what works for us and let go of what doesn't.

I am focusing my energy on doing what it takes to have what I want in my life. I am living my Be. Do. Have. Letting go of those things that distract me, that undermine and confuse me.

I am holding onto the things that create value -- and that includes my thinking.

I can't always predict what thoughts skitter into my mind. Depending upon how tired I am, or stressed out, thoughts enter that are a reflection of my state of being. Regardless of the thoughts, however, I can choose what thoughts I give energy to, I shine light on, I give attention to.

I can choose how I let my thoughts determine how I move through my day.

I choose to focus on my thoughts that uplift and empower me to shine today.

Hope you do too!

Still Saturday.

Sandra Heska King's Still Saturday inspires me to "gaze long and drink deep" with her invitation to "pause after a busy week, move in quiet pilgrimage, maybe linger a while in some still place, and soak in the beauty of images and words."

If you'd like to join in the stillness and beauty of breathing quietly this Saturday, slip into Sandra's place and link up.

The Ocean Refuses No River

The ocean refuses no river.  Mirabai Ceiba

I listened to Mirabai Ceiba for the first time this morning singing their beautiful song of life, The Ocean. The opening line of the song really resonated -- The ocean refuses no river.

Ferry Crossing from Vancouver Island to Horsehoe Bay

I thought about life and my sometimes refusal, or resistance, to accept all that life offers. I thought about my desire to carve my path, regardless of life's terrain. To determine my course, regardless of life's flow, sometimes paddling upstream, sometimes drifting aimlessly in back eddies, steering along tributaries that take me further away from the ocean of life waiting to accept me, exactly the way I am.

And I breathe.

Last night in meditation I shared my experience of bliss with the group, of seeing the separation of personna (ego) and spirit, of knowing the separation is man-made, not universally directed, and I cried.

I seem to be crying a lot in meditation these days. Not tears of sorrow or sadness. Tears of stillness, of awakening, of knowing -- this is my one and only life.

Be the condition, Dal our meditation guide encourages me. Be the condition and let the rest fall away.

I breathe into being and become the condition I am. In the moment. Alive. At peace. Free. I breathe into the condition and become all that I am when I let fear fall away and surrender and fall into Love.

The universe refuses no life

Just as the ocean refuses no river, life refuses no spirit, God refuses no soul. No matter your belief, or colour of skin or size of your bank account or education, there is a sacred place for each of us within this universe. A sacred chant that sings of your beauty, your wonder, your brilliance. It is rising up within you, just as it rises up within me, calling out to your heart to dance free, to spin about and laugh and turn cartwheels. To sit in silence and dream. To leap for joy and be.

I experienced it last night in meditation. The universe refuses no life. And in that knowing is the truth -- That sacred knowing that this life, this beauty, this brilliance is mine, and yours and each of ours to live as best we can, as best we allow, in Love.

No matter how small, how big, how rusty or difficult, how tired or weary, how young or old, the universe refuses no life.

The ocean refuses no river.

The open heart refuses no Love. The open mind no knowing.

And life refuses no body, not me or you or him or her or them.

Life refuses no life.

In that acceptance, in that awareness is the knowing, deep and profound and healing. We are not alone. We are one with life flowing in the ocean of Love flowing all around.

Namaste.