Lighten Up!

Normal is someone you don't know very well. Anonymous

I have never liked the idea of being considered 'normal'. Normal seems too confining, restrictive, boring. Perhaps it's my Zodiac, (I am a Sagittarius -- whimsical, passionate, mercurial), or perhaps it's just that there was little that was 'normal' about my childhood. We moved across the Atlantic, lived in four different countries, spoke different languages, both my parents worked, I was the youngest of four and, as my siblings will attest, was spoiled -- I got away with everything, they liked to say.

Merriam Webster-Online defines 'normal' as:

2 a: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
3: occurring naturally 'normal immunity'
4 a: of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development b: free from mental disorder : sane.

Growing up, I could never figure out what normal was. My home often felt 'insane'. I knew anger and tears were not 'normal'. I just didn't know what was the alternative, given the dynamics of those of us living under the same roof. I'd go to friends homes and observe the dynamics amongst their family members and think -- Oh, this is normal.

Truth is. Nothing was 'normal'. I just didn't know what was going on underneath the shiny patina of being in the company of 'outsiders'.

A 'normal' in my home was, Disagreement EQUALS Rejection. If any of my siblings or I chose to disagree with my father, anger blew in swiftly. If we disagreed with my mother, tears flowed quickly.

As an adult, I know, Disagreement DOES NOT Equal Rejection.

But once upon a time, it was normal for me to believe otherwise.

Which is why, for most of my life, I avoided confrontation at all costs. Or at least, backed out of it when the cost got so high I felt unsafe.

See, that was my contradiction. I seldom accepted the status quo. Always questioned the 'abnormal' in the apparent normality of whatever was going on.

My inquisitiveness inevitably rubbed up against discord.

In the 10th lesson of A Course In Miracles, the meditation is on the phrase. "My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world."

Growing up in a household filled with music and anger, laughter and tears, I began to perceive the world to be a contradiction at all times. Thus, it stood to reason that the world was as I perceived it -- unstable, dichotomous, unpredictable, unsafe. Filled with wonder. Filled with joy. Filled with laughter.

The world is filled with unpredictability and wonder. It's filled with joy and sorrow. It's where I focus my thoughts that makes the difference because, reality is, I perceive the world through my thoughts. What I focus my thoughts on, creates the world as I perceive it.

Which brings me back to the concept that 'normal is someone I don't know very well.'

I never wanted to be considered normal. Never wanted to be thought mundane, trivial, inconsequential.

But I didn't know myself well enough to embrace my uniqueness.

As I mature, as I grow into myself, I am seeing my unique self in the light of my knowing, I am a Child of God. A wondrous being on the journey of her lifetime, living it up for all I'm worth.

I don't have to be normal. I simply have to be me. All of me. I simply have to love myself exactly the way I am, and focus on sharing my unique gifts -- because no one else in the world can share the gifts I have exactly the way I do.

And no one else in the world can share your unique gifts exactly the way you do.

The gift of you and me is to be shared. To be celebrated. To be cherished.

If you perceive the world to be a place that does not want your unique gifts, take a look at your thinking. Are you focusing your thoughts on what you fear? Are you creating the world around you as a mirror of your negative thinking?

Lighten up!

Look up!

Listen up!

You are a unique human being. A wondrous miracle of life created to share your unique gifts as only you can.

Live it up!

The question is: Are you stubbornly searching for a 'normal' that doesn't exist and avoiding being your most incredible self? Are you willing to spread your wings and shine your light as only you can?

Being of infinite wonder

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm. As you get older, remember you have another hand: the first is to help yourself, the second is to help others. Audrey Hepburn

I work in a sector that is considered one of the 'helping' sectors. We reach out to those who have lost themselves on the street and cannot find their way back without some help. In the course of what we do as a shelter, we need to evaluate what we do in context to individuals -- are we abling or enabling? Are we helping or disenfranchising? Are we lending a hand up or being a hand out?

It is sometimes a delicate balance to determine where 'the line' is drawn, particularly when addictions muddy the waters of self-realization. We don't quantify the 'help' we provide. We don't qualify it by saying, "We'll help you, but not you. You're eligible. You're not." -- until someone wants to access more than just food or shelter. Then there are criteria to be met, and expectations made on behaviour such as sobriety.

This is a pretty big philosophical question. And I don't pretend to have the answers. What I do have is a desire to inspire individuals to find themselves again, where ever they're at, so they can love themselves enough to 'get up', get on, get out of where ever they are stuck -- to whatever degree it is possible for them to do so.

Some days, it's not easy.

Yesterday, I had a talk with one of our supervisors about a client who is extremely gifted. Since awakening to his creative talents, ones he always had, used to use and then put aside as he fell into an alcoholic haze, he has progressively moved closer to sobriety. But still, he falls. On the weekend, he was in the art studio and he was drunk. I had to ask him to leave.

He left without a fuss, but the challenge remains on balancing the benefits of his access to the studio versus the impact his drunken appearance has on the other artists. They are all in recovery of some sort. When someone appears drunk, it triggers them.

I believe triggers are often gifts that can help us grow. When I am 100% accountable for everything I do, say, think and feel, then I cannot target someone else for my bad behaviour. However, having someone blatantly ignore the rules is wrong. Where to 'draw the line'. How do I create harmony? How do I maintain the integrity of the program?

And I have answered my own question as I wrote it out.

Each individual is accountable for their behaviour. When they come to the studio is up to them. The one criteria is, they come sober.

The integrity of the space requires their adherence to this rule.

I am not responsible for the artists. I am responsible for holding the space open for them to explore their creative selves. I am responsible for ensuring the studio is a safe space. As one of the artists described it, "This is a sacred space. We will not do anything to jeopardize our being able to use it."

The artist who said that happens to be the one who appeared drunk.

And so I have my answer. Whether or not we are alcoholics, drug addicts, sober, we are accountable for our actions. Reaching out, in this case, is about, reaching in to touch the spirit of the man, to hold him accountable for his behaviour and to mete out a consequence that does not undermine his progress, but does uphold the integrity of the 'sacred space' which he violates every time he turns up drunk.

It is part of life. I am accountable for how I turn up. When I turn up in my life out of sorts with my environment, I am violating one of my core beliefs.

Life is sacred. Every individual a unique voice filled with gifts only that individual can share.

There are always choices. Towards my passions. Away from my dreams. Every step I take is in a direction I determine.

Anyone can choose to drink. No matter how much I would like someone to stop, it is not up to me to determine that they do. Like abuse, I cannot stop an abuser being an abuser. I can stop abuse happening in my life by standing up for me, turning up in my life filled with the wonder of all I am when I step free of limiting beliefs that would have me believe, abuse is all I deserve.

When someone chooses to drink in a space that is sacred, they are negatively impacting 'the whole'. They are undermining the sacredness of the place and space where beauty is created by those who are willing, no matter how faltering their steps, to step clear of limiting beliefs and explore all that is great about being human.

The question is: Where are you stepping today? Into your belief you are less than you want to be, or into that sacred space where you are a being of infinite wonder?

The time is always right

You cannot afford to wait for perfect conditions. Goal setting is often a matter of balancing timing against available resources. Opportunities are easily lost while waiting for perfect conditions. Gary Ryan Blair

Winter has descended once again in a blanket of snow borne in on a frigid north wind. I want to cocoon. To light a fire, curl up with a hot cup of cocoa and disconnect from the world outside to explore some warm clime within. Alas, weather or not I'm ready, the day beckons.

On Saturday, I held The Passion Test at the shelter where I work. Two staff, six clients, a staff member's friend and my daughter ,Alexis, attended. And, once again, I was struck by the similarities we share, no matter our address.

Each person struggled to write down ten things they love to do. "That was hard," said one of the staff members.

A client chimed in, "Yeah. I thought it would be easy."

We worked through the three hours, talking and writing, exploring what it is that makes our lives worthwhile, what it is that makes us feel like we are worthwhile.

One of the clients commented that he loves to write, "But I haven't written in about three years," he said.

"And that's because..." I asked.

"I just don't want to."

"And you don't want to because..."

"Oh, I don't know. I figure one day the time will feel right and I will."

"What if you chose to make the time right, right now?" I asked.

"That would be forcing it," he replied.

Earlier another client had told me he hasn't spoken to his mother in five years. He wants to but, "I'm not ready."

"How will you know when you are ready?" I asked.

Like the man who loved to write, he had no idea.

"What if you simply decide, 'I am ready. This is the right time'? I feel right today."

"That won't work," he replied.

"Because...?"

"I don't know," he replied.

And in the end, he did know. He was scared to call, just as the writer was afraid to write.

Using the excuse, the time's not right or I'm not ready, is not unique to those experiencing homelessness. We all do it. Think about the last time you had to do something you didn't want to do -- make a phone call you didn't want to make, break-up with someone, get a chore done you were stalling on. Was one of your excuses, I'm not ready? Time's not right?

We are all connected. What connects those experiencing homelessness to their state of living is not an address, it is their lack of pursuit of what they want more of in their lives.

What connects those who are housed to feeling 'less than' in their lives, is not their address, it is their lack of pursuit of what they want more of in their lives.

On Saturday, listening to the discussion, to the open sharing of what makes us 'happy', of what fulfills us, of what it means to be human, I listened to hope come alive.

We can all live the lives of our dreams, it just takes knowing what that dream is, and connecting with our Be. Do. Have.

Be committed to Do what it takes, to Have what I want.

For those in the room on Saturday, that commitment started with identifying what they want more of in their lives.

It started with accepting, the best time to start living a passionate life is, Right Now.

The question is: Are you using excuses to keep you from living the life of your dreams? Are you telling yourself, I'm not ready or the time's not right, to have what I want in life?

Soften your heart

Wonder is music heard in the heart, is voiceless. Rosemary Dobson

I received a link to the rough cut of the song we've been recording for the shelter where I work. It is uplifting. Inspiring. Fun! I played it for C.C. last night, and he was in awe. "That's got commercial value," he said. "It could be a real hit."

Many of the clients heard it and they too were in awe. Wow. Imagine! That's some of us!

I can't share the link here, but you can catch a glimpse of what it's all about in this clip from The Calgary Herald last week.

http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/videos/Video+Musicians+stand+Drop+Centre/1354228/story.html

One of the musicians was in a watercolor workshop held at the shelter yesterday afternoon. At the beginning of the session Richard Boulet, the visiting artist, asked each person to introduce themself and to talk about what art means to them. In his self-introduction he told about his battle with mental health issues. How schizophrenia drove him into homelessness and how in the 90s he was once a client of the shelter. "Art saved me," he told us. "It keeps me on track today."

The musician/artist spoke up. "I've always been passionate about my art," he said. "But now, after being here at the shelter for a few months, after being given the opportunity to experience not only art but music and all the people supporting me, I'm passionate about life. I've never felt passionate about life before. It's pretty exciting."

He too suffers from mental health issues. Bi-polar, he cycles in and out of depression. When he stays on his meds, he's stable, but life lacks the vibrancy he craves. With art and music, life takes on a whole different hue.

I am in awe every day of the power of the creative spirit. I am in awe of its power to awaken the soul to its beauty. Its power to ignite imagination, touch hearts and set spirits free. I wonder at what would be possible if everyone, the whole world over, were to stop fighting their own magnificence and sink into the beauty and wonder at their core. To set their spirits free to soar and create and dance and laugh and sing and be all the wondrous things we can be.

What a different world we would be.

On Thursday night, lying in bed feeling crummy, my eldest daughter called to chat. "I just wanted to tell you mum what a difference 'softening my heart' has made. I was angry with someone and by softening my heart, I no longer feel anger."

It's all about compassion.

She had called the night before to talk about her angry feelings about someone dear to us. "Soften your heart," I counselled. "It is all we can do to help them as they struggle with their inner demons."

Soften your heart.

She wrote an amazing blog about her grammie. A woman of contradictions. Generous yet stingy. Caring yet angry.

It is an amazing piece. A true reflection of my daughters beauty and soul. She is a woman of a soft and loving heart. If you'd like to read it (and it is worth the read says the proud Mama bear) follow this link to wonder! http://alexismcd.wordpress.com/2009/03/06/88/

And, no matter what you do today, soften your heart. Open your senses to the wonder around you and be free of all that would hold you down.

The question is: Are you letting hard-headed attitude keep you from opening up to the wonder and joy of the world around you? Can you soften your heart?

Doin' what needs to be done

Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. Wayne Gretzky

I have this thing about forms. I hate them. Loathe them. Avoid them. That includes things like the forms I need to fill in to declare my taxes.

Yesterday, while I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, feeling yucky, I got a phone call.

"Hello," I croaked into the phone.

"You owe the government almost ten thousand dollars. And they want their money," the voice said.

"I do?" I stammered. "How on earth can that be? I know I paid the taxes."

Well, it can be because even though I'd paid the taxes I had omitted to file one of the necessary forms to indicate what I'd paid the taxes on. I had all the paperwork compiled. I just hadn't put the information onto the prerequisite form and sent it in.

Within a short period of time, the form was faxed in, the owed monies down to zero. And, because when I paid, I overpaid, they now know how much they owe me.

Cool.

I could have saved myself the angst had I just filed the right forms at the right time.

But there's that fear thing. That aversion thing. That procrastination thing.

See, I wanted to pay the taxes without having to touch the paperwork. I figured I'd at least get the 'important' part done. But it wasn't just the money that was important. It was keeping the money in order, connecting the dots to where it belonged that mattered.

For me, what mattered most was keeping the angst going -- even though I told myself it was becuase I was afraid of the 'paperwork'. That's my excuse. Truth is, while I tell myself paper work creates angst in my life, the reality is, I am the source of all my angst. My avoidance of paper work created this particular angst. -- I used to be one of those, I work better under pressure kind of students too!

Had I just done what needed doing when I needed to do it, I could have saved myself the angst.

Sometimes, I know what to do as I stubbornly refuse to do it.

Knowing I avoid paperwork is great knowledge for me. When the discomfort arises of filling it in, I can remind myself what a joy it was to have it out of the way this morning.

What we know and what we do are sometimes polar opposites.

I know letting unfiled paperwork hang around my office does not get me more of what I want.

But I did it.

I know the anxiety it creates ('cause when does the government ever give up?) is not worth the turmoil. But I kept putting off filing the papers until tomorrow, that ethereal place where nothing ever happens.

Maria Nemeth writes in, The Energy of Money, "Remember, pain is a great teacher. Knowing who you really are -- what you value and what gives you joy -- can help you face whatever discomfort arises on your journey

This morning, my paper work is filed. I've got a cheque coming back to me, and while my cold still clogs my thinking, my mind is clear -- the details have been taken care of.

This morning, I read my daughter Alexis' blog and felt the warm glow of love permeating my being. What a beautiful woman she is. What a loving heart she shares so graciously.

This morning, while sitting at my desk, looking out the window at the world beyond, I laughed as I watched two giant bunnies, their white coats mottled in anticipation of spring's transformative grace, chase each other around and around in circles as they played tag beneath the sweeping branches of a bush across the street.

This morning, the sun is shining. Snow still covers the ground but spring is awakening just around the corner of tomorrow. It won't procrastinate in its arrival. It will come, like the ebb and flow of the tide, never wasting energy on thinking about what it would rather be doing, how it would rather the world spun. It will come because that's how its energy flows, year after year; day in, day out.

And I am in a positive space to let my energy flow freely. Unburdened by details I haven't taken care of, by forms I haven't filled in, I breathe deeply into the beauty of the morning and greet my day with a loving heart and open arms as I throw my hands up into the air and exclaim, "How fascinating."

I fell into one of my own self-defeating traps. I've been released. I move along my journey joyfully leaping into the freedom to explore all I can be.

The question is: Are you focusing your energy on how you could change the world if only you were in charge? Or, are you putting your attention on creating the life of your dreams and living your reality with a joyful heart and accepting arms?

Under the weather

It's snowy outside and in my head, very foggy.

I've come down with a cold. A cold I've been staving off for many days. It's got the better of me and so, for today, I'm back to bed to coddle myself and nurture my energy. It's the medicine of self-care I need today.

See you tomorrow.

The question is: Are you giving yourself the medicine you need today?

To the wall

The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure. Sven Goran Eriksson

He wasn't going to do it. He didn't want to. Wasn't ready. Figured he'd wait.

Earlier when we'd first arrived at the recording studio, where we are recording Stand By Me for an advertisement with singers and musicians from the homeless shelter where I work, B. had asked if he could re-record his singing from the previous session. "I know I can do better," he said.

"Sure," the producer replied. "I'm sure we can find some time today to fit you in."

Time opened up and we had the perfect opportunity for him to re-record. "Thanks," said B. "I don't think I'll do it."

I looked at him, surprised. We'd spent fifteen minutes earlier on in the session talking about why he wanted to re-record. Talking about his angst, his disappointment at what he perceived to be a second rate job. "Did you do your best?" I asked him.

"For that moment, yeah. But I know it's not my best. I know I can nail it. I was way too nervous."

And then the opportunity presented itself and he turned it down.

I walked over to where he sat. "What's going on? You wanted to do it again and now you don't?"

"I just don't know if I'm ready," he said. "Now's not a good time."

I smiled. "And how will you know when that good time is unless you step into the moment that's available."

"I'm just not in the mood."

"B., is this fear talking?"

He nodded his head up and down.

"Do you want fear to dictate your life?"

"I'm tired of fear dictating my life," he quickly responded.

"Then kick it out of the way."

He slumped back into the chair. "I can't." he sighed.

"I believe you can," I replied. "I believe you are powerful beyond your imaginings. I believe you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to. I believe in you."

I walked away to do an on-camera interview with one of the performers. Ten minutes later, I looked into the studio and there he was. B. The microphone. Headset on his head. Listening intently to the beat of the song.

He nailed it.

Pushed the notes. Poured his emotions into the music.

He nailed it.

And nailed his fear to the wall.

The question is: Where does fear keep you stuck in self-defeating patterns that limit your experience of life? Where does fear keep you down?