Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Forever in the arms of love. (a story)

She waited. Patient. Patiently. I'll wait for you forever, she told him. And so she waited. She waited and waited but still he never came.

She called. Impatient. Impatiently. She called and she called and still he never answered.

She searched. For him. For answers. For hope. And still her hands came up empty.

I am your only hope, he'd told her. I am the one you've been waiting for.

And so, she waited. In the dark. Through the dawn. Throughout the day. And still, he never came.

He'd promised to come. Promised to bring her the keys to their new home. The money he owed. He promised to give back the dreams he'd killed. The trust he'd broken. The hopes he'd dashed. Today, he'd promised. Today.

She believed him. She was patient. She had to, believe him. Give him the space and time and support. It was all she could do. She had run out of options. Run out of strength to fight. To make anything else happen.

She waited.



And still. He never came.

She started to cry. It had been so long. So long since she could remember a time when fear and shame and self-loathing were not her constant companion.

She prayed. Please, please, somebody make it stop. Somebody come and take away this horror that I am living. Please.

She was patient. Oh so patient.

And still, nothing changed. Nothing ever happened. She stayed locked. Locked up in this hell that was her life. On the outside smiling. On the inside dying.

And nobody could see. Nobody knew the truth.

She was patiently waiting for death to come knocking at her door.

But death was busy. His scythe was slicing through other life-cords. Setting others free to rise up and find their place in that time and plane where all beings unite with the One who lives eternal. That other-world beyond this fearsome world that had become her reality.

She opened her arms to death. Her life-cord remained intact. And she cried.

Please come, she begged. Please come.

But still, he didn't call.

Her phone remained silent. Her mind screamed in agony. Her body writhed in pain.

Somebody make it stop. Somebody please make it stop.

And all the patience in the world couldn't awaken her to the truth. Nobody out there could make it stop. Nobody out there could make him go away.

She had to do that. She had to wake up.

And she told herself she couldn't. She was too frightened. Too weak. Too alone.

Be patient, he said as he held her in the dark. Just a bit longer and then you will see, it was all worth it.

Nothing would ever be worth the terror of his embrace. She knew that. But she couldn't see it. Feel it. Breathe it. She couldn't feel. She couldn't breathe.

She was suffocating beneath the lies. Suffocating in the sea of fear that held her up to the mirror of her shame. She couldn't see. She was lost in the dark of his embrace.

And so she waited.

And nothing changed except the fear.

The fear engulfed her. The roaring in her head grew louder. She lost all sense of time. Of place. Of being.

She lost.

And fell into the sea of despair that had patiently waited for her to surrender all hope and fall. She fell. She fell and closed her eyes.

Patiently waiting for death to come.

But it never came.

And then, in the dark of despair, the dream of his coming to save her died and she awoke and lost all patience with him.

She lost all patience with his lies, his deceit, his manipulations. She lost all patience with hiding from the truth and found her voice to speak up.

I have run out of patience! She cried. I have no more time for you.

And in her voice she found the courage to speak up. To stand up. To walk away from waiting for him to come and make it all better. For him to sweep his magic wand across the night and raise the dawn. She lost all patience for him and turned her back on waiting.

She turned her back and reached out. Oh God, she cried. Help me.

And He did.

I am here, my child, she heard Him whisper inside her head. She felt the blood flowing in her veins. The warmth of dawn caressing her face. She felt His breath rise and fall within her and she wept. Tears streamed down her face and then she felt a hand upon her brow.

Cry no more, the voice whispered. Cry no more. You are free.

She opened her eyes and saw the wonder of the world around her.

It had been there throughout time. Waiting. Patiently. Waiting for her to open her eyes. To open her ears and heart and mind to the truth within. For her to awaken to the truth of who she was and who she was meant to be. She opened her eyes and her heart beat a wild tattoo of joy upon her breast.

I am free. I am free she whispered to the dawn. And she opened her arms wide and Love flooded in. Love engulfed her. Picked her up and carried her through her fear that what was would be forever more.

Truth is, the voice called out. Truth is. Within you. Always. Always present. Ever patient. Truth is Love and you are your truth. Love yourself. Love your wounded heart. Your battered spirit. Love your beauty and your beast and let yourself surrender and fall, In Love.

And she did.

And Love embraced her.

And she danced forevermore in the arms of Love.

Today is another Blog Carnival Tuesday for which the one-word prompt is "patience". I am always amazed when I let myself free-flow into a word or phrase and let the muse have her will to create. This piece surprised me. And pleased me.

Surprise yourself. Please yourself and hop on over to Blog Carnival sponsors - Bridget Chumbley of
One Word at a Time and Peter Pollock of Rediscovering the Church. Blog Carnival is a bi-weekly event open to everyone. For a list of links to all of today's contributors to today's carnival, go here.


Anonymous said...


This is so powerful and so accurately describes where I am in life right now.

Thank you.

Maureen said...

Louise, this reads like a page-turner (I'd be turning the pages were this between covers).

I'm pleased by it, too. You are in a good place.


(P.S. I'll put the link on Twitter.)

katdish said...

Oh, wow...

May I link this post to mine? Yours has a much more hope-filled ending.

CZBZ said...

This piece is beautiful, Louise!


Glynn said...

This is so powerful that I think it's a place where you have been. Thank you for sharing it -- thank you for the courage to tell it.

Anonymous said...

Your posts always leave me breathless, Louise. I find myself in tears, then I get chills... and end up cheering at the end!

Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

Louise Gallagher said...

My oh my, thank you eveyrone!

And yes Kat -- please link it. Tonight is one of my favourite nights. I get to go home, curl up in bed with my laptop (a glass of wine) and read the Blog Carnival!

Looking forward to feasting on everyone's words!



Kathleen Overby said...

What Bridget said, I too am cheering like a crazy person. When someone lives free, it is the most inspiring thing. You and your writing both - captivating.

Sandra Heska King said...

This is raw. Real. And I love the twists and turns of the word, "patience."

Michelle DeRusha said...

Everyone already said this first, but I will repeat: this is powerful, captivating writing. Really powerful. Thank you, Louise, for being so courageous with this story.

And thank you for stopping by my blog, too -- it's nice to meet you here!

Kevin said...

Very powerful post! I am blessed for reading it!