Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Fare thee well my good friend.



Fare thee well my good friend. God speed.
Your work is done here.
Your road has come to an end.
There is no more pain to bear.
No more sorrow to endure.
Fare thee well, my good friend.
Be at peace.


He is gone.

This man of gentle heart and quiet spirit. This man who graced our world for 58 years, four of them with the homeless shelter where I work.

Terry Pettigrew is gone.

He passed away on May 31 at approximately 3:30 a.m. At his bedside was his brother, a man he hadn't seen in 34 years but with whom he recently reconnected. A man with whom the bond of love was never broken, only sometimes distant, strained, stretched. And while he had been absent from his life for so long, Larry, his brother was there in the end when it really counted. He gently held his brother's hand, spoke soothingly to him as he passed over. And so, it came to pass that Terry had his wish. He was not alone in those final hours. He was with family. His journey to the other side softened by his brother's love. The brother who searched for him and when he found him, embraced him in love and compassion, kindness and support.

Terry Pettigrew is gone and I am saddened, yet grateful. For in his passing through my life I am richer for his acquaintance. I am a better person for having known him.

Thank you everyone who has followed the journey of Terry. He read your words of encouragement, of support, of love. And his heart beat more fiercely for your words touched him, deeply. Your words gave him strength, encouragement, hope.

And now, he is gone. Peaceful now. At rest.

May he always be remembered as a kind and caring man, a man of dry wit, of clever repartee. A man for whom life was a constant adventure. And while it was sometimes challenging, it was always filled with his belief the sun would come out tomorrow -- no matter what. Whether behind grey clouds or stormy skies, the sun would be there. He always knew that.

And that is the joy of life he shared. Generously. Graciously. It was a reflection of who he was. Constant. Dependable. Fiercely independent.

And no matter the skies, his humour, his laughter, his smile could always be counted upon.

Now he is gone.

May he rest in peace.

Throughout Terry's journey over the past few months, reporter Sean Myers of the Calgary Herald has written sensitive and moving articles on Terry, his journey through cancer, and his reconnection with his brother which was prompted by one of Sean's stories. This is Sean's article on Terry's passing.

Namaste.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Memories of the farm.

When I was a little girl, about six or seven I'd say, we lived in a town at the edge of the prairies. It was a small town, maybe 1,000 people except for the air force base which swelled the population by another 2 maybe 3 thousand. But I could be wrong. The town could have been larger, or even smaller. And there could have been more military, or less.

Memory's like that. It's not good with numbers.

On a good day, and only if I rode my bike to the top of the hill that rose behind the 'base' where we lived, I could see the mountains, far off in the distance, sprawling across the western skyline. "Blocking the view," as one farmer called it.

There was a farm there. An old woman and a man owned it. At least, in my memory they seemed old. I don't remember their names, though I like to think they were 'The Frasers'. Mr. and Mrs. Fraser. I don't remember any children either. Just Mr. and Mrs. Fraser, a black and white dog, lots of cats, chickens and a cow.

On Saturdays my father and I, and sometimes my sister, would drive to the farm and buy eggs. Farm fresh eggs were the best, my father told us. Clear of everything. No pollutants. And when we got home he'd demonstrate. Show us the difference in the colour of the yolk. Pale yellow for store bought. Bright orange for the farm fresh. "See. Clear. Fresh. No pollutants," he'd say.

Like the prairie sky above us. Clear of everything. No pollutants.

He used to say that every time we drove down the highway towards, 'the city' to the south. My father would drive and point out the gas flares and say, "That's pure Alberta air. Best clean air in the world."

On the farm, Mr. and Mrs. Fraser grew accustomed to my arrival during the hot summer days. Short legs pedalling my bike up the gravel drive. Long black hair flying about my face. I'd pull into their yard unannounced, wave, jump off my bike, (I think it might have been green), drop it to the ground and walk over to pet the dog. He'd always greet me, black tail wagging, mouth open, tongue flopping. He'd make a fuss and Mr Fraser would admonish him, "Down Rufus," and while I don't clearly remember if that was his name, it somehow seems fitting in my memory to call him that, "Rufus."

After the greetings were over Mrs. Fraser would invite me in for a glass of lemonade. "Come in. come in, child," she'd say as she opened the creaking screen door to their kitchen. And I'd go in. Happily. I'd sit at their Formica kitchen table, its surface covered by a sheet of clear plastic and drink my lemonade and watch the goings on of the farmyard.

I chattered a lot back in those days. Everyone said so. I chattered up a storm, no matter the weather, and asked lots of questions. Question after question after question.

I imagine I asked Mrs. Fraser where all her children were. And in some dim recess of my memory I feel the fragment of a memory tingling. There was a tragedy, somewhere in the not too distant past. A son. Lost. An accident I think, involving some piece of farm equipment.

It happens, Mr. Fraser said. It happens. And I imagine he put one arm awkwardly around Mrs. Fraser's shoulders as she twisted a corner of her apron in her hands.

Those days on the Fraser's farm happened many years ago.

We moved to France after that where I stayed for many years. I remember the day our plane landed. I looked out at the patchwork network of farms neatly stitched together as far as the eye could see. Occasionally, a town was stitched into the fabric of the land, a pocket of activity where people met and lived and talked and led lives beyond my prairie imaginings.

Those farms were vastly different than the prairie farms of my childhood. Those farms were small and compact. You didn't live 'on the farm' in France. You lived in the town and rode out to your land on tractors, and sometimes your bicycle. Not much had changed on the land, though centuries had passed and farmlands had passed down from hand to hand to sons and daughters who still worked the land and lived in the towns where they were born.

On the prairies, farms were vast and lives unfolded far from neighbours and other folk. Farms passed from hand to hand but those hands were not as caked in the mud of years gone by. Those hands were not as worn into the soil of centuries passing by.

On the prairies, wide open spaces called. Children left their father's farms and ventured into the cities. Children wandered far from the land upon which they were born, the land their father's father and mother cultivated by hand a few short decades ago, their dreams for the years to come expanding out across the prairies, as far as the eye could see.

I remember that farm of childhood wonder. There was freedom there. Freedom and comfort. A place to call home. A place to belong, to be welcome, to be happy. Those wide-open spaces call to me still. They beckon me to leave the city sidewalks and wander out beneath the cerulean arc of clear blue sky calling me to open up to the expansiveness of life all around me.

Prairie grasses sweep out to that place where the horizon gobbles up the east. To the west, jagged peaks soar skyward touching the heavens with every upward thrust of their craggy tips, "blocking the view," as that farmer said long ago.

And still the prairies sprawl. Vast. Golden. Inviting.

I've never gone back to visit The Frasers. Never gone to see if their farm still stands, rusted mailbox at the edge of the drive where it meets the road taking you away from farmhouse to city life to living off the land far away.

I've never gone back. Perhaps someday I will.

*********************

It's blog carnival Tuesday and today's one word prompt is "Farm".

To read more wonderful posts on the prompt, FARM, drop on by and set awhile at Peter Pollock's place. You'll be grateful for the rest on the dusty road of life.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Common Ground

For the first three months of the year, I met once a week at 7am with police officers from District 1 to talk about homelessness, their concerns, issues, ideas and suggestions on what can be done to work more effectively with the homeless shelter where I work.

At times, the discussions became heated, tense. At times, their comments bordered on what I judged to be -- the ridiculous, the hard-nosed, hard-lined, hard-hearted perception of the agency I work for and the people we serve, that did not provide a common ground upon which to create a cooperative working relationship.

My judgements did not serve my purpose well. My judgements did not create harmony -- and had I stayed mired in their sticky mass, my 'mudgements' would have kept us working on two sides of the fence. They would have held us pinioned to the 'us and them' thinking that did not serve anyone well.

Something had to give -- it may as well be my judgements.

After three months of meeting and talking and listening to their frustrations, their perceptions of what we do and why we do it and how we could do it better, we found a common ground. In our conversations I discovered places where, because we did not understand the parameters of their job, we were actually making their job harder. In our procedures we were contravening the tenets of the lawful execution of their job. And so, we made changes. On both sides of the fence. And in those changes, the fence lowered, common ground appeared and we found ways to work cooperatively and effectively together.

As I told the officers in each session. "You work in the black and white landscape of the law. Our world isn't even in the grey. It's a multi-coloured rainbow of humanity swirling together in a big vat of hues mixing up everything we do."

Since those meetings we've created Standard Operating Procedures that are working to align our services and our attitudes.

This morning, I begin the round of talks with another district. This district is across the river from the shelter. One of their beliefs is.... their problems are stemming from the people on 'our side' of the river, moving over to 'their side'. As police crack down on drug dealing on 'our side' of the river, the 'bad guys' are moving over to 'the other side' of the river, causing discord and criminal activity in their neighbourhood to rise.

In these sessions I have one major purpose. To listen.

I am not there to judge. To even try to change their minds. I am there to hear what is said, and to find a way to create openings for us to work together on common ground.

And, because the sessions begin so early, I must run!

Wish me luck. As we begin this round of talks, emotions can run high, extremes, intransigence, rigid backs can appear.

I must remind myself throughout the sessions to breathe, to open up to expansion, to be open. Their opinions are not 'about me'. Their feelings are not personal -- about me. They are, their thoughts, their words, their ideas. My job is to open up the common ground and let it begin with me.

Namaste.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

I'm not losing my mind!

I have been worried about my brain.

Thinking (at least I know I can still do that!)... maybe I'm losing my mind.

Maybe it's early onset Alzheimer or dementia that is causing me to forget the simple things. Like the name of a former co-worker with whom I spent a week at a conference in San Francisco -- how could I forget her name? Or, when I walk into a room with a purpose and that purpose is lost in trying to remember why I walked into the room in the first place.

Gotta find my brain. Gotta locate my dimming braincells. Have I lost my mind?

Gotta figure out where it's going, if only I could remember where I put it!

But..... now there's good news! Researchers have found out there is power in this 'ole middle aged brain. and man! Can it is a muscle of cognitive power!

Yup -- my cognitive abilities are at an all time high, even as my libido wanes and my waist thickens. how's that for mixed blessings?

The video below gives me hope, and encouragement. It also makes me feel a whole lot better!

For you middle-agers out there... don't give up. You're not losing your mind. You're just busy figuring everything out!

Happy Sunday!

Now... what did I plan on doing with my day? Oh right. I'm off to the Lilac Festival. We've got a booth and will be selling WHERE. Check us out if you're in town. If not, check it out here!

In the meantime -- get inspired by this RSA speak by The New York Times' health and science editor Barbara Strauch, author of, The Secret Life of the Grown-Up Brain (looks like a must read for this middle-age brain!). I discovered this gem at William Harryman's Integral Options Cafe blog. Watch it -- You'll be inspired and reassured! It's not you. It's just your brain! And all is well with the brain -- and it can be better yet!



Saturday, May 28, 2011

The best dang story (a poem)

It's a Short Story Slam over at Bluebell Books blog today, and I'm participating, just for the fun of it!

The prompt is this photo of John Wayne and the invitation is to write a short story or poem based on the prompt.

Here's my contribution. To read more -- ride on over to Bluebell Books and enjoy the Short Story Slam (week 2)!



The best dang story

They called him
Gun
Slinger
was his ride
He sat tall
and proud
eyes squintin'
into the distance
where she carried him
ore the plains
through many a stormy
night
sky
strewn
with pistol shot
stars
falling
through
whip
lashed winds
blowin'
tumbleweed
brambles
tangled up
in places where
the 'twain never
did meet
'em
on the wide open
prairie
of his dreams
blowin'
in the wind.

Gun
and
Slinger

Man
and
Beast

Ridin'
through a long
tall
dusty prairie
grass
tale
of the best dang
wild west
story
ever told.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Moments of grace

The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear. Aung San Suu Kyi
I visited the other day with a man who spent 23 years in prison for a sex-related murder he didn't commit. He was 16 when he went to prison. 39 when he was released though it would be another five years before he was exonerated and cleared of the murder for which he spent so many years behind bars.

He is not a bitter man.

He is not twisted nor hell-bent on revenge.

He is kind. Caring. Gentle.

I asked him, "How have you kept your... freshness."

"I like that word," he replied before going on to tell me of his struggle to find the light and how now, having found it, he will not, cannot step into the darkness again.

He has a philosophy for it -- the fire philosophy. "Every day you have to put something into the fire that will fuel your dreams. Keep putting things into the fire, no matter what, and eventually you'll get the future you dream of."

I am in awe.

For this man, giving people the opportunity to experience moments of grace is a calling, a quest, a necessity. "We all need to experience moments where we know we are special," he told me. And he is committed, read that, compelled, to help others find their moments.

And he does. Help others. It's in his DNA.

Not the DNA that was found in the semen on the dead woman's clothing. That belonged to another man who eventually was convicted and imprisoned for that brutal murder along with several other sex offences.

His DNA is one of truth and justice. Of helping his fellow human being find those moments of grace where they know -- they have significance, they are significant. They count.

He helps people shine and being in his presence I felt the glow of greatness. Of significance. Of truth and beauty of the human spirit in flight.

I am in awe.

And I am humbled by this gentle man who has found that state of grace to give back so that others can receive.

Here's to you David Milgaard. You are a true Canadian hero and I thank you for the light you shine with such grace and ease you illuminate the path for all of us to follow.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Let me. (a poem)

This morning over at Ruth's blog, synch-ro-ni-zing, she shares a prose poem, Skin, which was inspired by a photo she took of a deer skin left to wither on a fence post. It is a powerful photo and poem and as I read her words, the image of this poem started to form in my mind.

I'm not sure where it comes from (though I have an idea) but that is for more pondering. As always though, when the muse calls, I heed her voice, giving room for her to express what must be released. And as always, I am grateful for her presence inspired by someone else's words connecting me through the flow of creativity. Thanks Ruth!

Let Me

Let me
peel
back
time
exposing
flesh against flesh
pressed
tight
red and blue
veins flowing
arteries pumping
beneath
skin
hot
desire
scraping
bone against bone.

Let me
dig
deep
into sinewy
flesh
strung like telephone wire
linking cells
flush with life
pulsing
pushing back against
your tourniquet
bound heart
beat
trembling
in fear
of being touched.


Let me
peel back
the layers of your
skin
revealing
skeletal matters
of who you were
before time
exposed you
on a bed of
black on white truth
lying
beyond the pale
of dreams lost
running cold
against your flesh
pierced by a warriors arrow
long before
time
could heal
all wounds.