Sunday, May 6, 2007

The focus of my thoughts creates my world

Jack didn't turn up yesterday. The money did though. He left it with one of the supervisors. The outcome works. Need to accept the outcome without thinking about the things I could have, should have, might have done if only...

I do not know what lives in someone else's heart. I do not know what goes on in their heads. I can pretend I do. But I cannot truly know for sure.

When my book, The Dandelion Spirit, A true life fairytale of love, lies and letting go, was published, many people asked, "What will he (the abuser) think about it?"

I suggested that were he to read it he would most likely deny everything in it while puffing up like a peacock, strutting around saying, "See, I'm so important she wrote a book about me!"

Truth is, whatever he was thinking, saying, doing, being, it was none of my business. Thinking about his response kept my light off of me. It distracted me from doing, being, becoming all that I am meant to be. Thinking about him meant I wasn't thinking about me. And I have so many more important things to think about than someone who lies, cheats and manipulates to get what he wants!

Friday night I went to a friend's 60th birthday party. Wow! Somedays I find it hard to believe I have friends turning 60 -- then I remember, I have friends turning 20, 30, 40 and 50 too! My life is filled with wonderful people of all ages. People about whom I care. Who mean the world to me and make a difference in my world just by being here.

I don't need to waste my precious time thinking about someone who is not thinking about me with loving care. Yet, I get emails every day from women and men who struggle to quit thinking about the man or woman who abused them.

Abuse hurts. Stop it. It will only hurt you -- and you deserve so much more than the pain of remembering what an abuser did to you.

I cannot stop an abuser from being who he/she is. I can stop abuse in my life by being who I am meant to be. A magnificent human being living life fearlessly with joy, passion, love and integrity.

I cannot change what someone else is thinking. I can change what I focus my thinking on.

Imagine, you've got a big event, a company party where you are receiving an award for top performer in your department. In anticipation, and to celebrate, you bought a new pair of high heeled shoes. A beautiful bronze colour, with peek-a-boo toes and a slim stiletto heel that make your legs look soooo sexy. They are a perfect match for the new strapless bronze and green silk dress you bought for the occassion. As you get ready, you notice the lift on the bottom of the heel of one shoe is loose. It pulls off in your hand. You have to be out the door in five minutes. You don't have time to run back to the store, and you don't have what you need to fix the heel. What to do? What to do?

Finally, you grab a pair of black shoes sitting in the back of your closet. They're no where near as perfect for the dress, but you can't be late for the evening's events -- you're one of the stars.

When you walk into the reception area for the party, the first person you see is the one woman you cannot stand -- neither can most people in your department you remind yourself as you notice her feet. She's wearing your bronze shoes!!! At least, the identical pair to yours because you know she can't be wearing yours -- they're at home in the box.

What do you do?

Do you spend the rest of the evening telling everyone about your misadventure with the shoes, about how the black one's don't quite make the outfit but, what were you supposed to do and laughingly making disparaging remarks about the women who everyone agrees looks like a tart -- especially because she's wearing your shoes! Do you focus your attention on what isn't working for you? On being the victim, garnering sympathy from your friends because, well, as everyone now knows since you've just spent the last 45 minutes telling them, without those shoes you're not quite all together!

Or, do you not say a word, greet the woman, and everyone else with a warm smile and sincere welcome, and focus on being present. On graciously accepting the congratulations and admiration people are showering on you because you did such an amazing job -- and you deserve it. Do you use the opportunity to inspire people to be great by being your greatest self?

Let's be honest, the story about the broken shoe will get you more miles. I mean, really, how dare she? And how could the manufacturer make such shoddy product? Just wait until tomorrow when you have a chance to give the salesperson a piece of your mind when you return those shoes. And as if not having the perfect shoes isn't bad enough, 'the other woman' is also up for an award and she gets to strut to the podium wearing those amazing shoes!

Sound familiar?

How often have you lost an opportunity to experience the moment by focussing on what isn't working versus what is?

I know I've done it.

That was then. This is now.

My commitment today is to being present in my life every moment. Of focussing my attention on what is right with my life, not what's wrong. On keeping my thinking centered on being the best me I can be and on creating more of what I want in my life, and less of what I don't. I'm committed to Be. Do. Have. -- be committed to do what it takes to have what I want.

Focussing my attention on someone else, does not keep me committed on creating a life filled with more of what I want -- Love, joy, success, community...

Focussing on what's gone wrong, keeps me from embracing what's going right.

And using my mishaps as an excuse to gather up pity bouquets, keeps me from being accountable, and present, in every moment.

Today, I commit to embracing every moment, squeezing every ounce of joy out of every step I take. I commit to leaping into the unknown, expecting the unexpected and being surprised by all that I can achieve when I fearlessly let go of my limitations. Today, I surrender and fall into love -- with me, my life and everyone in it.

Care to join me? I'd love to have your company.

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