Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Breathing into the space around me

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.

Elaine Maxwell.

Last night I had dinner with one of my dearest friends. He is a man of quiet humour, a devilish smile and deep compassion. He is courageous, adventurous and curious. He is a man of quick wit, deep insights and quirky traits. He is perfectly human.

Our friendship dates back to a time when we were both married, both believing our lives as they were determined our lives as they would be today. We were both right -- but not in the way we thought at the time. Our marriages, relationships, choices, issues determined our lives today -- in our minds, back then however, we both agreed, we thought we'd still be married today.

That's the thing about the future. It is not something that can be corralled like a calf, lassoed up, tied down and held still for 7 seconds until the flag drops, the judge nods it's safe to let it go and we step back to see what happens. There is no point when it's safe to let go of today so we can unleash tomorrow. Tomorrow happens in its own sweet time. Today is all we've got. Whether we live fully in today, or skate into tomorrow knowing we left unrequited moments behind, tomorrow happens without our intervention. The value in tomorrow lies in the value we place in today. When we find value in every moment of today, tomorrow becomes a reflection of all we've given to making today the best day of our life to date. Every second counts.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm going to fill every second up with the wonder and joy I feel when I awaken to a brand new day waiting to unfold in all its exciting mystery and adventure. I won't tie myself up in knots waiting for the day to happen, I'm going to release myself into the moment and let myself run free.

Years ago I thought I'd be married forever. Today I know that's not true. Doesn't make the past or my decisions wrong and my choices bad. Simply means that in the passing of time I made choices that brought me to where I am today -- there were a thousand choices I could have made, I made the ones I did. My responsibility is not to judge past choices to prove myself wrong -- but to find value in the journey taken. My responsibility is to ensure that my choices today strengthen me, bring me closer to my goals, add value to my life and fill my heart with love, gratitude and grace.

When I chose to separate from my husband years ago, I was not coming from love, I was thinking through fear. My fear of who I wasn't, who he was, who we were in comparison to who I wanted to be, who I wanted him to be and how I wanted our marriage to be different. I couldn't find the right words to make it happen the way I wanted, so I walked away. In those steps I changed the direction of my life -- and the lives of my daughters -- it is my responsibility to make each of my steps count so that the space between us is not burdened by the past, but filled with the love that supports us in the present.

Today, I know I cannot make anyone or anything act in ways that conform to my truth. I can only act in ways that honour what is true for me while honouring what is true for you. When I allow room for your truth to co-exist beside mine, without having to make mine yours and yours mine, I breathe life into the space between us. In our truth we share what is our best and let go of the rest.

For today, I breathe into the space around me and know that I am perfect, just the way I am. My choices are perfect for me because they are a reflection of all that I am and all that I am meant to be when I live each moment filled with grace, dignity and love.

May your day be filled with the wonder of you as you reflect upon your beauty, grace and love.

May you find joy in this moment knowing that your are perfect, just the way your are.


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