I'm excited. Tomorrow, both my daughters and I will begin coaching together at Choices (http://www.choicesseminars.com/). Looking back over the past four years, I am in awe of where we are together today. As the saying goes, "We've come a long way baby!"
Four years ago, my daughters were angry, hurt, confused, lost. Four years ago we were not speaking. They knew that I had been found alive after having disappeared for 3 months with the conman. They knew where I was. But they didn't want to speak to me. And, I was so bruised and beaten down, so weary I knew I was not strong enough to speak to them, to withstand their anger.
The conman was arrested May 21, 2003. It wasn't until June 11, 2003 that I spoke to my daughters on the phone for the first time since his arrest. I had held back from phoning - everyone agreed they both needed time to get through their anger, and that I wasn't 'well' enough to talk to them. Finally, on June 11 I thought, "This is crazy. My daughters need to hear from me how sorry I am, and how much I love them. They need to hear from me that what happened with Conrad had nothing to do with my love for them and everything to do with my lack of love for me." And so, I got up, picked up the phone and spent a beautiful hour and a half speaking with my eldest daughter. My younger daughter wasn't home, but she called me later that evening. It was heaven to hear their voices and to be able to begin the process of healing together.
This week, the three of us will share the coaching experience. Our focus is on helping other people break through their internal resistance that is keeping them from embracing their magnificent selves. Last year when my youngest daughter went through the program she said, "I always knew people like my mom loved me. I never knew how important it was to love myself." At eighteen that is a powerful lesson. She 'got it'! And with it, she has the courage and strength to fearlessly leap into life, no holds barred, no stone unturned, no door unlocked. Loving herself, warts and all, gives her the awesome power to step onto centre stage of her own life, fearlessly exploring all that she is meant to be as she becomes her one true self.
It will be a busy week of long days, lots of learning, growing, stretching. This is the third time I have coached at Choices and every time I experience it, I receive these amazing continuous WOWs! exploding throughout my being.
I don't know what adventure awaits me in the days ahead, (I never do 'cause the future is yet to unfold!), but I do know that whatever opportunity of learning opens up before me, I will eagerly step into the unknown. With confidence and grace, I will step into the mystery unwrapping itself from the nether regions of my mind as I unravel the secrets of what was holding me back from embracing my shadow with my light. I am always richer for its unfolding when I flow with the current of wisdom within me, rather than swimming against the flow.
In my experience, resistance to exploring my internal space has trapped me into believing that I am better off not knowing the mysteries inside me. When my vision was clouded by my belief that inside me was a dark and scary place, my world outside me was filled with fear and trepidations. As I've grown, I've cleared away the foggy tendrils slipping through the crevasses of my mind. I've opened myself up to the awesome truth within -- "We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience that is unfolding perfectly from a Cosmic perspective - with no accidents, coincidences, or mistakes." Robert Burney
When I look at the bumps in the road of life as 'happenings', not accidents, coincidences or mistakes, I accept my power and responsibility to create a more loving, joyful life. Rather than blame an unknown Fate, or unseen powers for what's happening in my life, I accept full responsibility. Life is filled with growth -- and every day is filled with choice. To create harmony. To create discord. To create joy. To create sorrow. To create laughter. To create anger.
The choice is always mine what I create in my life. In those moments when I am resisting life, I am pushing against my internal wisdom by giving into my internal angst and discord.
Sometime ago I had a recurring dream about being in a deep, dark forest. Where ever I looked, long viney tendrils of dark leafy fronds and tree branches blocked my progress. I tried slipping through the stalks, but they were too dense. I tried going back, but my way was blocked by the forest around me. Finally, I picked up the sword that had hung useless by my side as I stood in fear of the dark woods around me, and began to hack through the cloying forest arms impeding my progress. With each mighty heave of my sword, the forest fell away. And with each step forward, each vine chopped back, light began to filter down through the canopy above me, lighting the path before me.
That is my journey through life. Before I could move forward, I had to chop away the toxic emotions holding me back from experiencing the limitless joy of my being here on earth. When that dream first slipped into my awareness, I was awed by the power of my sword to cut a swathe through the vines that were clinging to me, keeping me from moving forward. As my awareness grew, I would meditate on the image of me and my sword breaking free of the dark cloying tendrils of the forest. Each vine became a negative thought holding me back. Each slash of my sword broke me free of my resistance to change, my aversion to seeing my light before me.
This week I will spend five days working alongside my daughters. Our time will be filled with joy and laughter mixed up with tears and sorrow, happiness and love. As we move through these days I know one thing is for sure. Whatever adventure appears, we will be united in the bond of love that sustains us, nourishes us, and carries us joyfully through whatever life unfolds.
In love, we are powerful beyond our dreams. In love, we become all that we are meant to be.
May your day be filled with the awesome truth that you are all you're meant to be. May you joyfully embrace all that you are and all that you can be when you walk with grace, ease and dignity, in love.