This is the first chance I've had to write online since last week. On Tuesday night, the violent thunder storm that ripped through the city toasted my modem. The technician couldn't come fix it until this afternoon -- not having Internet was interesting to say the least!
However, with or without it, I had very little time to write over the past five days. My daughters and I started coaching at Choices together last Wednesday. Last night, the course ended and we all agree -- it was an incredible experience. My eldest daughter, Alexis, says it was the most amazing experience of her life!
As a mother, in particular, a mother who betrayed the sacred trust of parenting when I deserted my daughters 4 years ago, this was the most powerful healing we could ever have experienced. To go through the Choices processes together as coaches touched each of us in profound ways. For me, it was an awesome gift to watch these two amazing young women shine. To witness their growth, their incredible hearts and their beauty.
As the youngest members of the team, they brought a unique element to coaches circle. Their vibrancy, and their depth were amazing. I would listen to some of their comments, their questions and sit back in awe -- could these really be my daughters. At no time during the week did I feel like I had to race over and ensure they were doing it 'right'. And they in turn did not feel inhibited by my presence. The love that was evident between the three of us inspired everyone in the room -- I am blessed.
Along with sharing the experience, I was also able to grow personally. At one point, a friend who had taken the course at my suggestion, came up to me to tell me how angry he was with me. My response came from my own fears, my own tapes, my own disquiet with anger. In my response I was able to uncover my core tape -- the voice inside that whispers, not matter what the circumstance -- It's all my fault.
My mother's sadness, my father's anger. Starving children in Africa. It's all my fault.
Identifying this tape is a gift. In its labelling I can move myself into a place where I affirm 'it is not my fault' when other people respond to circumstances from their own place. I can affirm that I am not responsible for every bad thing that happens in the world -- I am not that powerful.
Identifying this tape is my opportunity to stand in my own light while letting others stand in theirs without feeling, it's my fault if they don't.!
It's my chance to let go of control of others so that I can turn up for me without fear that I am not enough.
This past week I got to experience being a whole woman. A mother. A coach. A friend. A confidant. A wondrous human being.
What a gift.
May you experience yourself as the awesome human being you are.
See you tomorrow!
In love and light,