Last night I gave a presentation in Banff on my experience of having moved from Victim to Victor in my life. I love it when I feel I'm doing it on purpose. When I am in the flow of life, moving gracefully and with ease through each moment. At the end of my presentation several people came up to me and thanked me for having provided them insight, and inspiration. For me, those are words of joy. My purpose is: to touch hearts and open minds to set spirits free. When I inspire people to check out the other side of their comfort zones, to explore the border zones that separate their metaphysical being from reality, then I am on purpose, and loving myself, my life and everyone in it.
After the presentation, I went for a walk around the townsite, revelling in the crisp mountain air, the soaring peaks towering above and the quiet charm of Banff. I walked past a friendly looking pub and decided to take myself out for dinner. The bar was crowded, filled with tourists and locals enjoying companionship and laughter. The hostess asked if I wanted to sit in the bar and I declined. "I'd prefer something quieter," I told her and she led me to a corner table at a window that looked out at the mountainside across the street where pine trees marched up its spine in silent solidarity. Summer solstice has just passed and darkness does not descend in these northern climbs until late into the evening, not much before midnight. I sat and sipped a glass of wine, breathed deeply and read more of the book I mentioned the other day, The Energy of Money, by Dr. Maria Nemeth. Great book!
One of the exercises Dr. Nemeth gives is to write your 'money autobiography'. She lists 20 questions and asks you to answer them honestly, completely. To let yourself be surprised, and edified by your responses. Answering these questions truthfully and lovingly, she says, will give you the tools and power to 'be willing' to create the changes necessary to ensure you use the energy of money effectively in your life.
I sat and read and answered the questions. It is a powerful exercise. She asks you to think about your first memory of money -- when did you learn about it, what did you learn, who was it from? I started writing about my experience and was surprised by my answer. My first money memory is about being told my father lost a case of beer and $20 when I was born because I was not a boy and how my mother was disappointed I wasn't born December 8, the Day of the Immaculate Conception but rather, 2 minutes later on December 9. Subconsciously I've always equated that memory with not being good enough, not being enough, costing too much and to being a disappointment and purposefully difficult! In my family, the two stories were always told laughingly -- but subconsciously the words wormed their way into my psyche as I worried a flap of memory around them protecting myself from their ragged edges like an oyster engulfing a grain of sand with a flap of skin. Only difference is, the memory didn't form a pearl of wisdom within me, it created a lie that I have subconsciously held onto all these years. I am unworthy.
So much of my thinking eddies up from that pool of darkness -- the feelings of being unworthy, less than, not good enough. Dr. Nemeth calls it Monkey Mind. Those thoughts that eat away at clarity, disturbing our ability to take authentic action that will lead us to living our life's intentions.
Last night I tapped into the power of doing it on purpose and knew the freedom of being exactly in the moment where I'm meant to be. Today, my world is unfolding with all the beauty and serenity and joy each moment can hold as it burbles like a brook dancing under the sun.
This morning, I awoke, went down to the restaurant, sat by a window over looking the bright colourful gardens, the sun a streak of light dancing earthward from the mountain tops beyond, across the multi-hued rainbow of wild flowers strewn across the lawn and onto my face and arm. I felt like the Cheshire cat, the warmth of the sun lulling me into a restful place where everything felt right in my world as I sat looking out at the world and revelling in its beauty.
When I returned to the city I took Ellie for a walk at her favourite park, a vast rolling expanse of hills that stretch out along the northern edge of the city. The air was fresh and clear. A breeze rustled through the prairie grasses, the leaves of the trees whispered the stories they've gathered from the winds passing through their branches. Ellie pranced and raced about in the sunshine, her tail a swishing metronome of joy as she darted through the long grasses chasing new and enticing smells, following the scent of some long forgotten gopher's journey. I wandered behind her, the air tickling my skin, my heart at ease, my mind at peace, in love with my world and everything and everyone in it. I don't know what tomorrow may bring but in this moment I am content, confident that I am living my purpose, exuberantly and fearlessly.
What a joyous day to be alive, living it on purpose!