I cannot heal or change what I do not acknowledge.

Morning breaks and with it a new day rises. Somewhere in the city, a man wanders the streets, looking for breakfast. Alcohol soaks up what little memory he has of his night wanderings. It permeates his skin, clouds his vision, rises in foggy dampness from his clothing. He searches for answers and comes up dry, with anger, fear, confusion. Where am I? How did I get here? Somebody make it stop.

Nothing happens. The world moves along and he stumbles down the road.

I cannot heal or change what I do not acknowledge.

When I was clutched in the death throes of an abusive relationship, I wanted it to stop. Silently I would sit in the seemingly safe, dark quarters of a closet and pray that somebody would make it stop. Make the craziness, the fear, the pain. Make his lies go away. Make him go away. Make me stop thinking, feeling, seeing, knowing. Somebody please make it stop.

Nobody else could make it stop for me. I needed to come out of the closet of my fear and speak up for myself. I was too frightened, too lost to make different choices and so I sank.

I cannot heal or change what I do not acknowledge.

Everyday I have a chance to change. I have the opportunity to take a step towards my goals or away from them. I have the opportunity to leap into the unknown, to soar above the mundane, to swim against the current of lassitude into the open waters of freedom.

It's up to me.

When I am busily stringing myself along, not doing what I need to do to take me closer to my goals, I am willfully taking steps away from what I say I want.

Sure, I can appear to be busy. I can appear to be involved in 'other things'. I can appear to be 'doing' what I need to do to be getting on with my life.

If I am not, however, working towards my goals, spending the time every day that I committed to get something done, doing at least one thing everyday that will bring me closer to achieving my goals, then I am taking steps in the opposite direction.

It's up to me. It's my choice.

I've been coasting. I haven't been spending time everyday working on my book. It's up to me to get on track. To stop my slide further.

With every step I take away from my goals, I put greater distance between me and the habit of achieving one thing everyday that will bring me closer to what I want. As the distance grows, my habit of doing one thing every day, weakens.

Today, I reverse direction. I stop. Make a different choice and turn around.

In acknowledging where I've been going, I acknowledge what I need to change to get to where I want to go.

Today, I turn around and take a step towards my goal. Today, I commit to building-up my muscle memory. today I commit to stepping successfully towards my goals and turn my back on things that take me further from where I want to go.

Today, I commit myself to being all that I am meant to be. Today I commit to being the best me I can be.