Monday, September 24, 2007

Spinning my own dreams

I have always admired Richard Buckminster Fullerton and his designs. He was a man with an amazing imagination, deep spiritual beliefs and an awesome intellect. Buckminster Fullerton believed in making the seemingly impossible, possible. He once said, "There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly."

When my daughters were little I wrote them a story about an unhappy caterpillar who cried and cried all the time. A leaf fairy upon whom he'd cried a bucket. Awakened by his tears, the leaf fairy asked him what he'd rather be. "A rose," the caterpillar promptly replied and poof, she changed him into a beautiful red rose.

Alas, the rose was prickly and thorny. No one could get close to him. He wanted to be more accessible. He asked to be turned into an iris.

The iris, however was too blue. He was tired of being blue all the time and wanted something happier. Like being a bright, sunny faced daisy he pleaded with the leaf fairy.

The leaf fairy complied but even there the caterpillar was dissatisfied. The daisy had lots of arms to reach out and touch people with, but it was rooted to the ground. He wanted to be free to fly around like a butterfly.

He plead his case one more time and the leaf fairy promised to turn him into a butterfly with gossamer wings. The caterpillar closed his eyes and waited. The leaf fairy spoke the magic words, sprinkled leaf dust all over him and when he opened his eyes anticipating wings to fly free, the caterpillar wailed -- in dismay. He was a caterpillar once again.

"Inside you there is a beautiful pair of wings waiting to be free," the leaf fairy told him. "But first, you must learn to spin your own dreams."

Sometimes, I have not believed I could fly. Sometimes, I have clung to my disbelief in the possibility of change as I held steadfast to my resistance to dream. Sometimes, I have embraced the lie that I am not powerful enough to make my dreams come true, and sometimes, I have grounded myself so deeply in my fear of flying, I haven't even bothered to try to stretch my wings for fear of falling.

Ex nihilo nihil fit. -- okay, so I had to throw it in in Latin, just because I can!

Nothing comes of nothing.

Nothing ever could.

In the Sound of Music, when Maria and Captain vonTrapp sing this song to each other, they exchange confused examples of their wonder of what has happened to them to deserve such a blessing as the others love. We must have done something good, they sing, as if doing good begets good.

When my daughters were small I fought against using the oft heard phrase from my childhood -- what a good girl.


My dog is a good girl. For a child, the opposite of being a good girl is bad -- when I'm not good, am I bad?

Goodness does not beget good happenings. Sometimes, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Not because they deserve it, but simply because the world is a mystical place filled with happenings that sometimes simply do not make sense. What happens to me is nothing compared to what I can make happen for me when I stay focused on my dreams by continuing to reach my goals. When I am committed to my Be. Do. Have. I can move my world in any direction.

Ultimately, my dreams don't come true because I was bad, or because there's a giant scoreboard in the sky keeping track of my proceedings, tallying up the rights from wrongs to determine the cost benefit analysis of my 'deservedness'. Remember, The universe doesn't care. There is no quid pro quo to the universe. I 'do good' because I choose to and I 'do bad' for the very same reasons -- regardless of whom I try to blame.

When dreams don't come true, it's because the dreamer chose to spin cotton, not silk.

When dreams don't come true, it's because the dreamer spun in a different direction, changed their course, or simply gave up spinning in any direction at all.

Today, I commit to spinning my dreams in the direction of my goals. Today, I chose to tie another knot as I affirm, My dreams are mine to spin in every colour of the rainbow.

Today, I commit to spreading my wings. I don't know their full extent until I reach beyond the fringes of my imagination, out into the universe where dreams come true because I'm willing to spin my own dreams.

The question is: Are you spinning your own dreams, committed to making them happen? Are you spinning silk purses from sows ears regardless of the knots knit into the tapestry of your life? Or, are you rationalizing your defeat and blaming the universe for not delivering on your good deeds with your dreams come true?

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