Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I've come a long way baby

It's one of those mornings. A blank screen glares in front of my eyes. My eyes stare back blankly. It's one of those mornings to trust in the process. To begin writing and be surprised by what happens.

Like life. Full of surprises. Full of unexpected challenges, some not so unexpected. Like love. Full of possibility. Full of hope. Full of opportunities to grow, to retreat, to hunker down, to open up. Full of life in all its wild and precious moments.

C.C. and I have come to a conclusion. We would like our relationship to last the rest of our lives together. Actually, it can't help but last the rest of our lives together -- because as long as we're together, it will be because of love.

"It's what I'm working towards," he said when I told him that I want him to be the last man I fall in love with.

I always wanted to be a Virginia Slims kind-of-gal, without the cigarette. Witty. Worldly. Accomplished. And grounded in reality. When it comes to love, however, I've never done reality well. Like a gumshoe sleuth searching for hidden clues, I've always ventured into love looking for the answers that will fit the pieces of the puzzle that is me together.

Once upon a time, I would have wanted to define love. Pull each facet of it apart to examine it under the microscope of my curiosity. Not one moment would have been safe. I would have sniffed out every ounce of magic to figure out where I fit in the grand scheme of things.

I've come a long way baby.

Falling in love is part mystery, part chemistry and part reality. The mystery part comes when you try to figure out how two people who have known each other for a few years can get together and discover that being together is where they want to be. Stacey Charter wrote, "Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience. Wait it out. It's all about timing."

The chemistry part is that fissure of energy that flickers between two people, like a filament in a lightbulb, sparking tingly sensations through every nerve ending in each other's body. Sometimes, chemistry is one-sided but when it's not, possibilities explode.

The reality part is in knowing, nothing lasts forever, unless you choose to work at it, keep it vibrant, keep it alive, keep it relevant to your life every day. Love endures. People grow weary. They grow apart. They change directions. They grow distant.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love. Being in love. Being committed to loving and being loved -- that takes courage. My full attention and my honest intention to be the best that I can be.

Yup. Definitely a long way.

In acknowledging I want C.C. to be the last man I fall in love with, I am acknowledging my responsibility in making that happen, every day of my life. I am acknowledging it's up to me to give my part of this relationship a chance to unfold, in its own time. To 'have the patience'.

To do that, I must stay grounded in reality of who I am, what I want. I must continue to be who I am and work towards making my dreams come true, reaching my goals, building my beautiful life, one day at a time. I need to live up to my highest intentions, and not get down to playing into my lower instincts which would have me run away whenever adversity lurks, or differences appear on the horizon. It's up to me to let the mystery of love do its magic without my trying to force it, bend it, or contort it to fit my expectations. It's up to me to be true to who I am, and to give room for C.C. to be true to who he is without my trying to force him to fit my expectations. I gotta give love a chance to grow.

In C.C. I have found a man who makes me laugh, who makes me think, who hears me, listens to me, sees me. He is a man I want to grow with, learn with, explore and adore. In acknowledging our desire to build an enduring relationship, we have opened ourselves up to love.

What an exciting adventure! What a wonderful day to be surprised by whatever happens.

The question is: Where in the world are you letting adventure slip by because you don't trust yourself to know, the answer is in the leap?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


congrats on being 'in love' and putting it out there . .

I find that love is not a noun; not something I have or hold or fall into . .but rather that love is a verb, an action word; the state of 'being in love', in my view, is reflective of the behaviour of oneself and the reciprocal actions of the other party

giving and getting are a delicate balance, a delicious balance, we all seek

I'm so happy for you that you've found that . .

with every good wish,