Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Where love lives.

This is my 300th post since starting this blog on March 10 last year. When I first started this blog I had no intent of writing every day. And then, about a month after beginning, I committed to every day writing.

Goals are important. Without action, they are simply words with no substance.

I set a goal, for ten months I've been making my goal a reality by taking action every morning.

The odd time I have not written here, I have had a reason -- either a choice to take a break, or no Internet action.

Mid-December I went to the dentist and he told me I needed to start flossing twice a day. Since that visit, I have taken action twice a day and flossed.

In both circumstances, by consistently taking action everyday, I have created a new habit -- both fulfilling a dream -- one immediate -- to write every day and create a body of work; the other less tangible -- to have my own teeth when I am old!

Last night, as I sorted through papers and clutter in my desk I came upon an old 'Vision Map' ideas sheet I had created about two years ago. On it was an item I face in the mirror every morning -- lose weight.

Now, I have lost my first ten pounds and I am working on my second ten. Seeing that list, however, gave me pause for thought. I've been carrying this extra weight for awhile. What other excess baggage do I have?

The evidence is pretty clear in my house. In preparation for moving next weekend, I have been shovelling out closets and drawers, cupboards and cubbyholes. I've got a lot of stuff.

I know that's nothing too unusual. We all have lots of stuff. My stuff, however, has only been accumulated in the past four and a half years! On May 21, 2003, when I awoke from the debacle of the relationship with the psychopath, I didn't even own a fork or knife. Now, I'm giving away excess cutlery!

Where does all the stuff come from?

The answer is pretty simple. It comes from the world of excess around me. Why do I have so much of it? That's simple too. Because I am loathe to pass up on a 'steal of a deal', or pass on something someone gave me in the belief I needed it. I too often indulge in the bad habit of acquisition for no reason other than it seems like a good idea at the time, or I'm too lazy to ask myself the tough question: Do I really need this or could someone else benefit from it more than me? What would happen if I just walked away from buying it?

My daughters and I have lived in this little house on 15th Street for 3+ years. It has been a home filled with soothing love, laughter, tears and joy. It has been a beautiful home for us to heal in. To grow together in, to bridge the pain of those years of turmoil when I was lost on the road to hell. And now we're moving on. With our move, our lives are changing. Alexis leaves for Australia in February, Liseanne is completing her second year of college, and C.C. is taking up permanent residence in our midst at the new house.

Exciting times. Scary times. Times of change. Times of reflection. Times filled with new beginnings as endings complete a cycle from the past opening up to possibilities of tomorrow.

It is a time to flow into, flow with, flow through. Time to hang out, hang ten, hang onto those things which matter the most, and to let go of those things which have no value other than as dusty signposts collected in the past when they held much more meaning than they do today.

In this new beginning two lives are coming together, two families connecting. We are like two tectonic plates rubbing against each other. In the first jarring movements, we jostle for position, for comfort, for fit. As we settle into the new order of being, we create a new world order -- hopefully a world of order! New habits will develop, new ways of being together. New views of life as a couple and life as two parents of two separate sets of almost adult children.

One of the habits I am developing for this new world order is the habit of uncluttering. Rather than continually acquiring, I shall focus on disengaging from excess baggage by focusing on what I truly need and want to live a beautiful life. It's easy in a world filled with so much stuff to buy into the myth that my happiness depends on having all of it. I don't need all of it to be happy, I just need that which makes my life more serene, more graceful, more everyday lived in.

New beginnings begin with an ending. This weekend a moving truck will appear in front of this little house on 15th street, and the boxed up evidence of our lives will be moved to another place. In that other place we will begin the process of creating memories based on two lives joining together. Of children growing up and moving on, of adjusting to life as a couple.

This little house on 15th Street has been a happy home, a home filled with love and laughter. My commitment for today and tomorrow is to continue to focus on my habit of filling my home with the one thing that cannot be bought: Love.

The question is: If home is where the heart is, what is your heart full of today?

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