Sunday, February 10, 2008

A woman of worth

Every morning when I awake I take a moment to breathe in the quiet of the house. To breathe in the beauty of the morning. I go downstairs, fill the kettle, grind coffee beans. Ellie paddles her way into the kitchen, sniffing out the possibility of breakfast.

There is a quietness, a routine to my mornings that comforts me, wraps me up in a warm blanket of well-being, of peacefulness.

It is a feeling I want to carry through my day, and sometimes miss as I hustle about trying to 'do' what needs doing without always staying grounded in being all that I am meant to be every moment of my day.

Yesterday afternoon Alexis, Liseanne and I spent a couple of hours browsing through IKEA. I always think of these times spent together as a gift. They are times of joy, of laughter, of sharing, of being connected.

Yesterday I had an email from an amazing woman who, like me, once upon a time was involved with a man with a disorderly personality. Something she wrote struck me deeply. "I've come a long way and I've still got a long way to go."

How far will I go to happiness?

Happiness, like life, is not a destination. It's a state of mind, a sense of well-being, a choice. For my friend yesterday, she has spent a year healing from the after-shock of that relationship. She's come a long way.

How far does she have to go? How far do any of us have to go to find the happiness we seek?

For me, it's right here, right now when I make the commitment to see my blessings in the gifts of everyday.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my daughters, enjoying the moment, thrilling in the time we shared. We weren't 'doing' anything profound, simply living the moment together.

That's happiness.

On those days when I look behind and see how far I've come, I am often tempted to try to discern how far I have to go to get to where I want to be. My emotions are not a destination -- how far I have to go is not about living my life fearlessly and passionately in the moment.

I cannot see the future.

I can live in this moment right now and know, I am giving it my best. My best is good enough.

To be happy tomorrow, I must choose what makes me happy today.

To be peaceful tomorrow, I must choose what makes me peaceful today.

To love tomorrow, I must be loving today.

Once upon a time I fell into the arms of an abuser and lost my way. Freed of his deceit, I am free to fall in love with who I am, right now, in this moment and love myself, exactly the way I am, beauty and the beast, perfectly human in all my imperfections.

A very courageous woman often reminds me, "I am a woman of worth".

She's right. I am a woman of worth. Today. Right now.

It is my choice to believe the truth today, rather than wait in anticipation of it dawning on me tomorrow somewhere down the road.

I awoke this morning and was embraced by the joy of my blessings today.

They are many because I know my truth. I am a woman of worth.

The question is: What's your truth today? Do you recognize your worth, or are you planning on getting to it someday in the future when you're far enough down the road to step away from the past and into the beauty of this moment today?

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