Saturday, March 22, 2008

Hindsight. Foresight. Insight.

Saturday awakens with bright blue skies soaring above, searching for infinity's end. Last week's snows have melted, the earth is warming up and buried beneath its surface, spring struggles to break through frozen ground.

Inside, my home is warm and cozy. Spring flowers blossom on table tops, gentle aromas of fresia and lavender permeate the air in breaths of wonder.

My life is a vibrant garden blossoming with promise.

Last night, C.C. and I made dinner for a friend of his and his ladyfriend. Earlier in the day, we went to the market and wandered amidst laden stalls searching for the perfect ingredients for the repast. At one point, I got very excited about a grocer's display of eggplant. Purple, plump and shiny, they glistened in the early afternoon sunlight streaming from the windows high above. Nestled between a bright red bed of vine ripened tomatoes and a frothing display of leafy green lettuce, they teased my senses with their beauty. Lele, who had joined us for the market outing, laughed along with C.C. at my rapturous, and vocal, appreciation of the beauty of those eggplants. I wanted to buy a basketful, but settled for just the prerequisite one I needed for the vegetable dish I was preparing.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. To me, those eggplants were the perfect mix of colour, texture, shape and contextual contrast to the vegetables beside them. Had I purchased more than just the one I needed, some of the beauty would have been lost because it was in context to their surroundings that they took on such incredible awe-inspiring delight.

Sometimes, a day may seem just a day, until one moment is lit by the hindsight garnered from what just happened providing foresight to what will happen next. Through the juxtaposition of the past, enlightening the future, we have the rare opportunity to gain insight into the profound beauty of the moment we're in right now.

This morning, I awoke before the dawn. The house was bathed in moonlight. Shadows edged the room as I quietly slipped out from beneath the covers and padded my way downstairs with Ellie silently following. I turned on the fireplace, lit a candle, put a favourite CD in the player and sat in the half light soaking up the sensations of early morning. Laughter and conversation and smells from last night's dinner lingered in the air. I looked back upon the evening, relished future get togethers and sank into the joy of the moment I was in.

I take great pleasure in entertaining. At one point, the lady guest asked me, What have you learned about C.C. that you didn't know before since moving in together? I laughed. Everything, I replied. And nothing. He is who I knew him to be. He is the man I knew him to be. What I'm learning most, is about me -- about how in relationship I am challenged to be all of me without fear that I will be judged, found wanting, thought to be not enough, or too much over the top or too little under the surface.

I see the past. I relish the future and in this moment, I revel in the joy of being me, in love with my life right now, in love with who I am, right now. This is my one precious and wild life. In hindsight, I cannot do anything different. In foresight, I can do everything different, or not. The future is yet to unfold. With my insight of what was and what can be, I delve into the now and live this moment with joyous abandon, revelling in the power of love to break my heart wide open.

The question is: Are you stuck in your hindsight fearing the future? Or, are you willing to let hindsight guide your foresight into lighting your path inward?

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