Saturday, April 26, 2008

A story worth telling

This is a Choices weekend. Fast sleeps. Deep thinks. Heart beats talking together, creating harmony and joy.

Yesterday, I met with Mary and Joe Davis, the facilitators, to talk about a project I want to put together. While we were talking, I was telling Mary about Joe's question a few weeks ago after I'd told him about the family myths I've held onto regarding my birth. (I was supposed to be a boy. I was supposed to be born the day before = I am unwanted.)

Joe had asked me, "What has that [buying into the myth] cost you?"

I replied. "The intimacy and connectedness I wanted."

Yesterday, Mary asked me, when we were talking about the conversation and the power of Choices, "What has it given you?"

Yin/Yang. Balance and continual change.

The Tao of our Universal existence. All things are connected to one another.

I cannot deny that believing I needed to prove myself has undermined me in my life --it has also created great value. As an athelete I have never believed I was 'weaker' than men, just different. I've always held it's okay to 'run like a girl'. I am a girl! I may not run as fast as a man; I've always believed I can run as far. I may not do the same things, but those things I do, I do with passion and a commitment to doing my best. I've always believed I can out ski, out play and out cook a man! In my belief that I am not the weaker sex, I have embraced the song, "Anything you can do I can do better," and danced my way along corporate ladders and backcountry trails. The gifts are incalculable. The benefits profound.

In not believing I was part of 'the weaker sex', I always 'did it my way'. Maybe not always with grace, but always with the belief that I am worth fighting for. Because I believed I was supposed to have been a boy, I have fought hard to not be considered weak. Because I related well with men, I drew upon my masculine traits to balance out my feminine side. When it came to business, it was not the fact I was a woman that might have held me back, it was my own inner demons, unrelated to my intelligence, abilities and talents, that kept me from moving forward.

Create value in all things.

Once upon a time, I avoided telling the story of my life because I believed it made me less than who I wanted to be.

I was right and wrong.

It was a story not worth telling because it was punctuated with the lies I told myself about who I was when I was playing a part less than the sum of all my parts. In finding the value in my past, and mixing it with the incredible gifts I have been given, I have found my story worth telling. It is the one where I am the author standing at centre stage of my own life, living large, living fearlessly, believing in me.

Today, I create the story of my lifetime illuminated by the truth of all I'm meant to be, of all I am. This life is a story worth telling. A story that I create everyday. The ending is yet to unfold. Tomorrow is yet to be seen. In this moment, the story is my own personal blockbuster. My own superstar account of getting real with my life and living it for all I'm worth.

In creating value from the past, I have found my balance in the moment, poised to step into the next, confident in my ability to ride the waves of life's tides, committed to being my one true self, joyfully dancing through each moment of this one wild and precious life, free to be all of me.

On the other side of dark, is light. I'm standing in my light, balancing the dark with the wondrous truth of who I am when I tell the story of my life as I want, not as I fear.

The question is: Where do you find your value? On the darkside looking in, or on the lightside, looking out at all you've done, all you've achieved and revelling in the wonder and beauty of being you?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this post brought me to tears mom. Your words are really beautiful and your story even more so. I am so blessed to have a mom thats keeps growing and who inspires her daughters to do the same in thier own unique ways.
Love you, and you have to travel to Thailand. So far it has been one big wow moment for me.