Monday, April 14, 2008

Turning up for me

Learning to love myself, all of me, beauty and the beast, has been a journey into the unknown, a journey fraught with perils -- and a journey I am so grateful and blessed to be taking.

Learning to love myself is a daily adventure.

I still do things that undermine me -- and when I do, I acknowledge myself for having tripped up and make amends.

I have a situation in my life today that I have to fix -- it is part of my achilles heel which is all about me and money.

LOL -- I've always struggled to manage money. There is a pattern here that I need to identify and change.

The best way I know how to do that is to pull the thread, to ask myself tough questions and follow the answers back in time to their source.

One thread I know, have always known, stems from when I was about five and my mother was missing money from her purse. She accused me of stealing it. I remember at the time denying it -- the possibility exists today that possibly I did do it. I can't be sure because my mind has always denied that I didn't. Today, I get to ask myself the tough question -- what if I did steal it?

Does that mean I have to do penance for almost 50 years? Isn't it about time I let myself off the hook for that child's misdemeanour? Whether I stole it or not, I'm paying a fearsome price today -- poor money management.

Money was always an issue in our home. My parents fought about it alot. It's time for me to quit the battle. To put down my weapons of self-defeating games and take up the banner of courage and love to change my own behaviours.

Cool -- I'm liking this. I can do this!

I'll write more tomorrow! Because I am a fearless woman, sharing her unique gifts to create a mystical world where spirits soar free to dance in love, peace and harmony.

I can't create that world if I am holding myself back from turning up for me 100% accountable for every aspect of my life.

The question is: What tough questions are you refusing to ask yourself? what self-defeating game are you playing to keep yourself from being 100% accountable for turning up for you today?

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