Friday, May 9, 2008

Getting up

I woke up angry. Annoyed. My mood a reflection of the snow outside -- unwanted, uninvited and definitely not something I want to cling too.

Life is serendipity.

I logged on. Opened my email and found an email from a woman who has just finished reading my book, The Dandelion Spirit. She writes, "My turning point/healing journey began in late 1997 when he walked out to be with his new 'soul mate'. I prayed to the higher powers to 'please let me learn this life lesson - I didn't want to have to go through this life lesson again' and 'let me make good from [what I perceived at the time was] bad'.

Looking back, I know I was 'used'. I had fallen for the promise of fulfillment of my dream to have my own family ~ I married the dream ~ not the person ~ I didn't really know the person I married ~ not the true person he was."

That dream of 'happily ever after' can be deadly. It doesn't leave much room for living real, being real, finding real value in the opportunity to grow from differences and disagreement. Disagreement does not equal rejection.

Last night, C.C. and I had a disagreement. In my sometimes, all or nothing thinking, I was feeling all washed out, all used up. What more can I do, I wondered? (Did I mention that is my victim's voice whispering?) I didn't sleep well. Spent part of the night writing a letter to him, trying to get clarity on my thinking and feelings. This morning, when I logged onto my site, the header of my post yesterday greeted me, "Falling down is an opportunity to get up."

Last night, there was a whole bunch of falling going on. Just take a look outside!

When we fall, it doesn't mean we have to stay mired in the muck. Just as the snow doesn't wash away the calendar date and the fact this is spring, a fall doesn't break the back of love -- unless we keep doing the same thing again and again, repeating the behaviour that brings us down and refuse to let the new growth of spring sprout up to bring renewed life and passion into our lives.

This morning C.C. and I have the chance to get back up and find the courage to forgive and the power to grow from this misstep.

This morning, snow covers the ground. Above, fluffy white clouds float across the sky, the spaces between their edges filled with blue.

The snow will melt, spring will rise and the air will be filled with the sweet scent of blossoming flowers and the twitter of birds again.

C.C. and I will grow beyond the edges of the anger, the hurt and the misunderstanding -- and as long we stay focused on the love we share and what we need to do to keep growing together. Closer through intimacy -- In-to-me-see.

I can't change the weather. I can change my mood by focusing on the kind of day I want to have, inside me, where the weather does not determine how I feel or what I do. That's my choice and today, I choose to see the brighter side of life, the zone outside my discomfort where I can grow and learn and love and be all I'm meant to be when I have what Susan Scott calls, Fierce Conversations. Those conversations that open the doors to truth. That place where reality grows in love, and commitment and intimacy abound.

The question is: Where do you go when someone you love falls down? Do you storm off into a cloud of anger or are you willing to step into the seas of forgiveness and find the path to where love grows and spirits expand to become all they're meant to be?

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