I'm worth it

On Thursday, I gave a course in self-esteem at the homeless shelter where I work. The attendees are part of a program called, Career Training Initiative. They earn certificates that will help them get jobs on construction sites and warehouses and they learn about computers as well as life-skills.

The ages ranged from 25 to 50, two natives, 6 caucasion, two of whom are women. Each person in that room has been defeated in some way by life. Each person wanted to find a way to leave the past behind and step into a different future.

At one point, I asked the students if anyone could think of a time, in the recent past, where they had let bad news, or a difficult situation, pull them from their path. "Joe" sitting to the right of me, said, "I've got a good one."

He'd sent out his resume in response to a job he'd read about in the paper. He received a reply and immediately read it to mean, "You've got the job." On closer examination, he realized they were responding to ask for more information.

"I thought, screw them," he said. "I sent them my resume and answered all their questions. If that's not enough, who needs them?"

"You want the job, right?" I asked trying to understand why he'd be so upset about a potential employer asking for more information.

"Yeah. But when I read the email the first time, I thought I had the job. So I felt really bummed when I realized I didn't."

"What was the additional information they wanted?" I asked, thinking that perhaps the information might have been invasive.

Turns out, it was what they wanted that caused him the most angst.

They wanted to hire him. They needed a couple of references.

"I don't have any references," he said. "It really brought me down to realize that my history is so messed up I can't call on anyone to give me a good reference."

He then went on to describe some of the reasons why.

A long history of trouble with the law. Lots of jail time. A rapid-fire temper. A violent home-life. A dad who believed the best way to teach him a lesson was to beat it into him and a mother who drank.

I asked him if there was something he could do to not let the need for references get him down or stop him from pursuing the job.

"I don't know. I'm just really bummed out," he replied.

"Well, what about this course? You're taking a course, you're getting the certificates you need to get work. When you applied for this course, you had to do an interview. Couldn't you get the administrator to write you a letter on your behalf?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," he said. "It's just frustrating that I messed up so much in the past."

"Do you want to keep messing up in the future?" I asked.

"Absolutely not," he vehemently replied. He thought for a moment and then smiled. "I am doing something about my lack of references. I'm taking this course. I've got to at least get some education so that I can be qualified."

I asked the group. "Can everyone see how powerful this is? He's not letting his past bring him down today. He's taking postive steps to create change."

The guy looked at me and said, "I am?"

"Absolutely," I replied. "You've changed your glasses. What was a difficulty is simply an obstacle because you're not letting lack of references become an excuse to not pursue this job."

"Yeah," he said. "I guess I am."

"Look what you've learned about yourself," I told him. "You're courageous. You're willing to learn, to keep taking steps forward to create the life you want. You're able to acknowledge your past, and know it is not your future."

"No kidding," he said. "Being in jail felt like a life sentence. I sure didn't want it to be my future forever."

What a powerful statement.

Regardless of his past, regardless of how much time he spent in jail, it was never a life sentence.

Time to start living outside the comfort zone of my limited thinking. In my quest to continually search for the 'right' answer, I've given myself a life sentence of never being satisified with the answers I've got.

Life isn't in finding the answers. It's in exploring all my options and opportunities and living it up with absolute passion because, the only answer I need to find is my truth today -- I'm worth it.

The question is: What kind of prison cell are you living in? Is your thinking keeping you confined to a narrow corridor where black is black and white is white with nary a colour between them? Are you treading furiously in the backwaters of life, or are you living it up in a sea of passionate colour, floating on the joy of knowing your bliss?