Holding on to keep from moving forward

The average age in the room was well north of sixty. Approximately 20 people, predominantly men who gather together once a month to socialize and to talk about projects they can undertake in the community. All members of a service club that over the years has done many 'good works' throughout the city. A co-worker and I had accepted their invitation to participate in the meeting because a review of our satellite shelter next door to their facility requires their input.

We got more than we had bargained for. More than we could have imagined.

"We used to come to your shelter and put on a huge dinner a couple of times a year," said one of the group's members as we wound up a discussion of our services. "But someone there told us we could pay for the food that you would buy, but we couldn't cook and serve our own. We quit coming."

"I'm sorry to hear that was your experience," said my co-worker. "We used to have some employees who perhaps didn't have appropriate human relations skills. What can we do to re-build the relationship?"

Breakdowns in communication. Misunderstandings leading to misgivings to turn up and help out.

For this group of men, it was apparent that the loss of the relationship had affected them grievously. It's almost ten years since last they came to the shelter to cook, and their discontent and disappointment was still apparent.

"It became very," and he paused as another member of the group jumped in to explain what happened, ".... uncomfortable. We thought we'd just bring down leftover foods from other events, but it really wasn't all that comfortable to come there."

Righting wrongs is never easy. Changing the past always impossible.

For this service club, the past has affected the present in a such a way that they are uncomfortable with the reality.

Their purpose is to serve. Not serving brings them grief.

We talked about ways to build a new relationship.

"Have you ever had a tour of our new facility?" I asked.

They all responded no.

"Why don't we begin there? No expectations. Come in for a tour. Let's see how we can reconnect."

It was a first step. A positive step forward.

In my life I have areas of discord based on past experiences that continue to create furors of discontent. Maintaining status quo keeps the discord alive. Avoiding confrontation builds higher walls.

To change the dissonance of disruptive or disturbing events, I must either let go of the experience and all its ancillary discord, or do something different today to create a new pathway to tomorrow.

The choice is mine.

How I proceed is up to me.

In the case of the group last night, we didn't know the discord existed until one courageous man brought it up. Conversation opened the door to possibility.

The question is: Where in your life do you hold back on stepping forward because you're afraid to open up to the possibility of change? Where do you hold onto unease to avoid letting go of discontent?