Rudeness on both sides of the street.

I was having coffee with a girlfriend when our conversation was interrupted by a woman's voice. It was loud and grating. She wasn't speaking to us, but to the man sitting at the table on the other side of us. She was waiting to pick up her coffee at the counter which was just beside our table, in between her and the man she was yelling to.

My friend and I tried to continue our conversation but it was hard. The woman's voice was too loud, too raucous, too invasive. Finally, after we'd both commented that it was distracting, I turned to the woman and asked, "Excuse me, it's very hard for us to have a conversation with you speaking above our heads. Would you mind going over to the table to talk to the gentlemen?"

The woman paused, looked at me and said, "This is a public space. Deal with it."

"Yes, it is," I replied. "That's why it's important to respect the rights of everyone in it."

The woman huffed, looked at the man she was yelling to, rolled her eyes and quit talking. I achieved my goal -- not sure how gracefully.

Later, on my way home, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few necessitites for the dinner party C.C. and I were having last night. As I loaded my groceries into the back of my car, a young man came up, leaned into the back of my car. He pointed to my wallet in my left hand and asked, "Can you spare some money so I can get a piece of pizza?"

Now, I don't give to pan-handlers. I work in an agency that supports homeless individuals. For me, giving to pan-handlers is counter-intuitive. It reinforces two things, 1) the thought that all someone is worth is to ask strangers for money, and that's okay; and 2) I work hard for my money. I contribute daily at the place where I work, both as an employee and as a volunteer. I know there are lots of facilities for people to go to for food. Pan-handling is not a necessity. It's not something I support.

"I don't give to pan-handlers," I told him.

He motioned towards my groceries, "How about giving me some food?"

I thought about his question. "I just bought these groceries for my family," I replied. I looked at the bag of nacho chips. I could give him that bag, I thought. But he didn't give me a chance to even consider it further.

"F*** you. You're lucky you've got a family." And he walked off, his body rigid with anger as he approached the next car where a man and woman were loading their groceries.

He was right. I am lucky and blessed to have a family to buy groceries for, to come home to, to share meals with, to share laughter with.

What struck me with both these incidents was the rude behaviour. It didn't matter what side of the street -- both parties were oblivious to my rights to also share in public space without being hassled, or condemned, for stating my boundaries.

The fact the woman was incensed I asked her to carry on her conversation in a way that respected others, is not my 'issue'. I'm proud of me for having the courage to ask for what I wanted and to speak up about her behaviour.

The fact the pan-handler was angry that I wouldn't give him money or food, is also not my issue. I am proud of me for having the courage to tell the truth when asked to give him money.

It's a challenge. To not give-in, to not give.

When the woman's conversation first started interfering with ours, I wanted to just ignore her, to sit with my friend and role my eyes and grumble, just loud enough for her to hear, that she was rude. I chose not to complain but to draw her attention to how her behaviour was affecting the world around her. For me, that's a huge difference than what would have happened in the past. In the past, I would have silently bore her rudeness and seethed inwardly about how stupid, inconsiderate, yada yada yada, she was. Yesterday, I chose to respectfully ask for what I wanted, and to let go of an expectation that she would see it my way.

When the pan-handler came up to my car, I was tempted to give him money. I knew I had coins in my wallet. I knew I could afford it. But that isn't the issue for me. The issue for me is I don't give to pan-handlers, not because I don't want to help, I do. I don't give to pan-handlers because it's my choice. It is a personal choice. And no one has the right to judge me on my choice. If he chooses to pan-handle, that's his choice. I don't condemn him, or call him out for making that choice. I don't have to play into his choice by compromising mine.

I believe it is our responsibility to treat each other with decency and respect. I believe we each have the right to respectfully state our boundaries, and our needs.

And, as yesterday demonstration, we can be rude on any side of the street. The important thing for me is to not cross over.

The question is: Are you willing to stand up for your rights and ask for what you want?