Shaped by my environment.

"Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them." W. Clement Stone

When I was with Conrad, the man who lied and cheated, I became like Conrad. I lied to my daughters, my family and friends about what was happening in my life. I lied to myself about what I was doing, what was happening, what was going on. I let go of my integrity. I became like Conrad.

Free of him, back in the clear, clean air of freedom, I am able to reclaim my integrity, to reclaim my right to live with truth, with grace, dignity and ease.

Recently, I heard from a woman whose daughter's friend is involved with Conrad. Tragic. Sad. Sorrowful. Those are all words to describe what this family and the woman involved with Conrad is going through. Fortunately, the woman who contacted me was courageous enough to listen to her intuition. She knew the environment of her home was being poisoned. She just didn't understand why. Rather than focus on the victim's question of "Why is he doing this?", she took action. She got him out of her home. She rid her family of his disease.

For the woman still involved with Conrad, her life continues to be poisoned by the lies and deceit. She continues to believe he is all she deserves.

I remember those days well. Those days where every breath I took was filtered through my fear and self-loathing. Where every step I took was away from the life I once knew as I sank deeper and deeper into the poisoned well of his deceit.

On the weekend at Choices, Thelma Box, founder and facilitator of the program, told her story about having once been in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. "I told myself I was to blame. I told myself it was all my fault." she said. And then she added the kicker. "In taking on all the blame, in saying it was all my fault, I made myself feel like I was powerful."

Like Thelma, when I was with Conrad, I told myself, "It's all my fault." That was my victim's voice. The voice that would hold me down. If it's all my fault, then I must be powerful enough to create the entire situation.

"All my fault" was my way of avoiding accountability. All my fault let me off the hook of having to do anything to change what was happening in my life. It let me off the hook of having to accept any responsibility for what was happening.

American writer and feminist Erica Jong wrote, "Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.”

Once upon a time I blamed a man for all that was wrong in my life. In freedom, I accept I am 100% accountable for what happens in my life. He is 100% accountable for what he did and is doing. In stepping clear of his deceit and lies, I clear my path of the insidiousness of the web he wove to block the sun from breaking through the F.O.G. of his deceit. The Fear. Obligation. and Guilt. that kept me stuck in abuse has evaporated and I am free to live my life of beauty, with joy and passion.

In freedom, I surround myself with wonderful people of integrity. I surround myself with beauty.

It is the gift of having awoken to the truth of my life. I am a wonderful woman of worth, living up to my magnificence.

The question is: Where do you blame others to avoid taking responsibility for what is happening in your life? How is your environment shaping you?