Risking other people's opinions

People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust. E. B. White

I am often quoted in the newspaper or appear on television speaking out against homelessness, speaking about the shelter where I work. Last week was one of those weeks. One of the local tv stations interviewed me about happenings around the shelter due to construction work in that part of the city and I was on radio several times.

I don't like watching myself on tv. When I watch myself, I can't hear myself. I get caught up in criticizing how I appear. My expressions. My movements -- I have a very mobile face. On television, every movement is magnified and I appear to be overally dramatic. Nope. Don't like watching myself on tv.

The thing about tv is that other people do watch you. When someone tells me they saw me on tv or heard me on the radio my first question falls in line with E.B. White's quote above: Did I sound intelligent?

My worst fear: To be thought stupid.

What's with that? I'm not stupid -- but I fear people thinking I am.

It's a good question for me to ponder. I'm sure it affects me in ways that I haven't yet imagined!

When I was a child I was very good in school. It came naturally to me. I loved learning. Loved the challenge of picking up new ideas and examining them from every different angle. I was inquisitive by nature and was always asking questions about everything. I remember a family friend who used to time me to see how long I could go without asking a question. It wasn't long.

Asking questions has served me well in my life. In my twenties, my family and I had a disagreement that put a rift between my brother and me for at least a year. I couldn't understand why he behaved the way he did one night -- he was visiting with my parents and spent several hours criticizing me while at my home. I went to bed but they kept on talking about me. When I told them they could stay if they quit talking about me, or leave if that was what they wanted to do, they left. I felt abandoned -- and yet, it was a wonderful gift. It forced me to start looking inside me. To start examining who am I. What do I stand for, and, as Brian Willis suggests, to ask myself, What's Important Now. W.I.N.

That evening was a seminal moment for me. It inspired change that has become lasting and enlivening. It inspired me to start roto-rooting through my soul, examining my values and beliefs, unearthing my hurts and bruises and to start growing into myself.

Growing has been a continuous process for me. In my journey I have fallen into some very dark places. I've fallen far from where I want to be. But, in those falls, I have learned to fly -- and that is what the journey has always been about. Learning to fly free of limiting beliefs so that I can fly freely in being all that I am meant to be.

My fear of people thinking I'm stupid limits my wingspan. It keeps me tethered to the belief that other people's opinions of me create value in my life.

I care about people. I care about whether or not people 'like' me -- but... and it's a big but... whether or not they like me doesn't give me my value. I can only be me. I can only do what I believe is right and true for me. I cannot determine how someone else will take value from what I say and do. I cannot pre-determine their response.

When I stand true to my values and beliefs, and share my beliefs in love, I am creating a world of value around me. We can differ in our opinions without having to fight for the right to be right. When I speak from my heart about what is important to me, how someone else responds is based on their values and beliefs -- sometimes we share common values. Sometimes we don't. But, when I place my value on whether or not you agree with me -- or think me stupid for having the belief I do -- I am not grounded. I am at risk of being pulled from my path by my insecurities.

And that is unsettling.

Being grounded in my truth, standing up for myself, standing true to my values and principles leads to a disciplined and courageous journey.

Letting myself become uprooted by someone else's opinion, someone else's sense of value, leaves me fluttering in the winds of change howling around me.

I believe in the human spirit's ability to rise above life's traumas. I believe we are all capable of living noble lives, free to be all we are meant to be. I believe some people need more help than others. I believe some people get so lost, so caught up in the winds of change, they lose their footing in their own values and lose sight of who they are as they search for themselves in addictions and other self-debilitating places. I believe everyone deserves the opportunity to change, to find themselves where ever they're at so that they can live free of the past, inspired by the joy of being in this moment living it up for all they're worth.

I believe I'm worth a lot.

And I believe worrying about whether people think I'm stupid is a stupid thing to do!

I believe I deserve more. It's up to me to give it to myself.

The question is: What do you believe? Are you willing to stand in your truth and speak up for your beliefs? Are you willing to risk other people's opinions of you?