Be utterly humble and you will hold the foundations of peace. Lao Tzu
This morning, I began my daily meditation of one word for the entire month. The divine feeling upon which I will meditate for the month of January is "humility".
The 1964-1983 Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary defines 'humility' as: having or showing a consciousness of one’s defects or shortcomings; not proud; modest.
In the Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language humility is defined as: freedom from pride; humbleness of mind; a modest estimation of one’s own worth. It goes on to provide the theological definition of the word as meaning lowliness in mind; a deep sense of unworthiness in the sight of God; self abasement.
Humility is filled with contradictions.
Humility was a tough swallow this morning. I didn't want to meditate on humility. Where's the fun in eating humble pie and choking on my pride?
As I meditated on humility, on its divine relevance, on its spiritual essence, my mind skittered and slid around finding stillness. It took side-trips into pockets of pridefulness, snuffed out discontent like a pig unearthing truffles. My mind didn't want to focus on being humble. It wasn't interested in divine feelings. My mind wanted to maintain its track, to journey into corridors where it could create images that spoke to my powerfulness, not my humility.
And then the thought slipped into my mind with the gentleness of a spring rain pattering upon the ground, nourishing sleeping seeds to break through the ground and awaken. "The Buddha casts no shadow."
The Buddha is enlightened. In his enlightened state he stands in the light, he is the light. He can cast no shadow for the light is all he knows and the light is his enlightened state of being. The Buddha is peace of mind. The Buddha creates peace in a world of turmoil.
I am not the Buddha. I am not enlightened -- though I am on a path of enlightenment. On my journey, I cast a shadow. It is ever changing as I struggle to find myself amidst the clutter of my thoughts blocking my view of the light that is the essence of being human. My shadow lengthens when I create turmoil. My shadow shifts when I step into discord. My shadow lightens when I am mindful of the steps I take to create peace in my world and the world around me.
To be human is to live in the shadows seeking the light away from the darkness of living small in a world of greatness.
Lao Tzu wrote, There are many paths to enlightenment. Be sure to take one with a heart.
This morning, I am of good heart. A New Year has begun. Another day turned upon the calendar. Another day in a year. The first of many more to come.
When I open my heart to greeting this day with joy, I lighten my load and enlighten my journey.
When I stand for all I'm worth in the light of being true to myself, I cast no shadow upon the path before me. I become the light illuminating my way into living with integrity, grace and ease.
When I search for compliments, when I seek out other people's reassurance that I am okay, that I am 'doing good', I step outside the truth of my humility. I am okay just the way I am. Stepping away from the centre of my being light-hearted, my shadow lengthens and I slip once more into that place where I unconsciously seek approval from the world around me. In my seeking, I become boastful, prideful, insecure.
To be humble is to be free of pride, secure in my knowing that I am okay, just the way I am.
Humility cannot be faked. Humility means to be proud of my human being doing everything I can to stand in the light, not blocking the sun with my neediness to be reassured that I am on the right track, wondering if anyone can see me.
To be humble I am proud of being all I'm meant to be living from my heart this one wild and precious life in love with all of me, Beauty and the Beast. I acknowledge my imperfections as I walk my perfectly human path into my heart, a human being on the journey of her lifetime, sharing her magnificence with an open mind, loving heart and joyful spirit.
The question is: Am I willing to stand tall and not block the light for others to see how great they can be when they follow their own path to their hearts?
4 comments:
Thank you for this reminder of humility!
Its so difficult at times. Right now I am struggling with the feeling of justice from a couple of workplace bullies that I had the misfortune to run up against after the relationship with the sociopath had destroyed my self esteem and confidence. Yesterday, the one remaining bully that still is at my place of work showed his colors to my supervisor and although I could not actually hear his words as I was on the phone, I could feel the rage, tone, and volume as he raged at my colleague. This isn't the first time I've heard this from him although with me at least it was on the phone. Anyway, I found myself shaking like a leaf once again in terror and my supervisor knows a little of what happened previously and as she had to leave the office she insisted that I leave and my other female colleagues as well.
Anyway, today I find myself still reminded of various similar events with this particular bully, the other supervisor bully, and particularly the similar events that happened over the 10 year period that I tried so hard to have a relationship with the sociopath that I loved. These reminders are coming in the form of unwanted night terrors, and mental visual replays of events and I find myself feeling guilty for wishing for the justice that did not happen for the current bully when I went through the grievance system at work that basically handed him a slap on the wrist. I feel guilty for this as I truly strive not to wish harm or discomfort to anyone. Its just not healthy for me!
Yet, a part of me that discovered that its likely the previous workplace bully has recently suffered something at work, we both work at a big university, that has resulted in what seems to be a professional setback, seems to revel in the karma justice of it all. AND that same part of me longs to see this type of justice meted out to the current bully, and my dearly loved sociopath and sometimes I find myself actively searching for information that these individuals have suffered as they made me suffer.
I find myself greeting this New Year as a rebirth as I am so much happier and healthier than the beginning of 2008 when I was still recovering from the results of a dis associative event that when I came to myself I realized that I had severely cut my wrist. This was a reaction to the 2nd workplace bully's abuse.
However, I do not want to continue on this path of wishing for Karmic justice for these individuals. Do you have any suggestions on how to stop these thoughts?
Thank you for anything that you could offer, but most especially for reminding me that there is the spiritual growth happening within all these trials.
dee
Happy New Year Louise! May it be a blessed one for you and yours.
Thank you Sarak -- Blessing to you and yorus as well.
Hello Dee -- I know that feeling of wishing, wanting, hoping karma settles on the sociopath like a blanket of oil, smothering him in feathers and slime!
One of the things I did was I let my mind have it's little victories. I'd allow myself a 'mental temper tantrum' where I meted out all measures of justice -- my favourite was pouring oil of the sociopath, dousing him with feathers and then wrapping him up in a persian rug he'd loved so much and flattening him with a steam roller, like Wily Coyote of cartoon fame.
Whenever any other thought of him would enter my mind, I'd remind myself of the steam roller version, and let him be flattened. It always left me smiling, and gave me the grace to carry on with my day without disturbances of the sociopath interrupting my peace of mind.
Thank you for your post -- you have inspired February's meditation -- which will be on the word Discipline, I think. Self-discipline is critical. Controlling my rampant thoughts of him was essential to my ability to feel grounded and serene throughout my day. I had to bring my will to bear, to discipline myself to keep my thoughts away from thoughts of him -- for example, in your post you called him your 'dearly loved sociopath' -- is there something less emotional, less connected that you can use when writing of him. What if you didn't use any descriptors and simply called him, The sociopath. Sometimes, when we connect loving words with someone who treated us so badly, we are denying our psyches need to feel safe, and inhibit our ability to disconnect, to break all connection with the one who lied and cheated and bullied their way into making us feel less than who we truly are.
I am glad to hear you are doing so well -- breathe deeply. Remind yourself constantly -- that was then, this is now. And today, I am a powerful, fearless, ..... (your descriptors) woman.
Hugs and Happy New Year!
Louise
Thanks Louise!
That is a wonderful suggestion. Although, I was referring to my ex sociopath as "dearly loved" as a kind of tough-in-cheek manner. Not that I did not dearly love him, but rather that I learned that no matter how much an individual loves they cannot make or help another to learn to love in return, nor appreciate being loved for that matter. *smiles*
At any rate, its a great suggestion to indulge in a "mental temper tantrum" occasionally to help dismiss these unwanted mental replays of the past.
Thank you so very much!
dee
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