Monday, February 9, 2009

Angels' kisses

I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free. Michelangelo

Life is a series of sculpting classes. Every carve of the chisel a drive towards setting free the beauty of our birthright, the inherent perfection of our being. Like a block of marble, our lives are under constant discovery, forever working inward to reveal the truth of our magnificence.

When I was a child I loved to work with play-do. To see what I could sculpt from those malleable pieces of clay. Most often, I would create angels. Tiny winged creatures filled with all the possibilities of my quest to fly.

As I matured, I left the play-do behind. And my angels got forgotten.

Somewhere in my thirties, I started to reconnect with my angels. Not the play-do version of my childhood, but rather the ethereal kind. The powerful presence around me that lifted me up, carried me, supported me,protected me where ever I went.

I like angels. They are mystical, magical, wondrous.

And then I met Conrad, the man who lied from hello to good-bye. I cried to my angels throughout that relationship. Pleaded with them to 'make it stop', to make the craziness in my life go away.

I didn't think they were listening. I thought they had gone away. I thought they didn't care.

But they were always there. It was me who was blind and deaf to their presence. It was me who had gone away. It was me who didn't care. It was me who had quit carving.

As Alabama sings, I believe there are angels amongst us. Sent down to us from somewhere up above.

Yesterday, C.C. and I took Ellie for a walk along the river, in an area called, The Weaselhead. Quiet, serene, the sun shone down and birds twittered in the trees. We walked along the snow covered trails as Ellie pranced in front of us. The air was filled with light. It filtered through the leafless branches. Sparkled on the ice covering the river.

At one point, we crossed the frozen river. Beneath us, the ice lay think and silent protecting the waters below. As we slid across, we met a young man. He was dressed in black, skull bones and crosses adorned his hoodie. He looked, awkward. Suspicious. We were far from the main path. There was no one else around.

"What's he doing here I wondered?" as recollections of news reports of dubious characters attacking unsuspecting hikers flickered at lightning speed through my mind.

As we approached, he smiled, held up a hand and said, "Hi. I'm feeding the chickadees. Unsalted sunflower seeds. Watch."

We stood silent as he held his hand, palm upwards, in front of his face. Within moments, a tiny grey and white chickadee darted out from a tree, landed on his hand, grabbed a piece of unsalted sunflower seed and flew off.

The young man smiled.

"They love it," he said.

He didn't look menacing with his palm outstretched, laden with sunflowers seeds, the sun shining upon him. His face beaming with delight.

He looked more like an angel. A being sent to bring joy and laughter into our day.

I know he wasn't an apparition. I know he was a real live human being. But in his presence I was reminded that my perceptions are always filtered through my fears.

I have wandered the woods of the Weaselhead for years by myself with only Ellie as my companion. I have never been hurt. Never been accosted.

It has always been a place of comfort, solace, magic and wonder for me.

Yet, in today's doom and gloom tidings peppered throughout news reports and newspaper clippings, I carried fear with me.

Teddy Roosevelt once said, "Only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

It was a beautiful day yesterday. And in it, I carved away a little more of my fear that life will be unfair. That life will be filled with turmoil and angst.

I carved away fear and revealed my inner truth, setting myself free to spead my wings.

Life will be filled with what I bring to it. With what I create in it. Life will be my creation. A story of angel's wings spreading wide, protecting me, lifting me up, supporting me as I awaken to the beauty and joy of living in this world of wonder. Arms wide open in love.

The question is: How deft is your chisel? Are you carving today fear and turmoil into your day or are you releasing the joy and wonder that sees the beauty in every moment, open to angels kisses touching your heart?

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