Doin' what needs to be done

Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. Wayne Gretzky

I have this thing about forms. I hate them. Loathe them. Avoid them. That includes things like the forms I need to fill in to declare my taxes.

Yesterday, while I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, feeling yucky, I got a phone call.

"Hello," I croaked into the phone.

"You owe the government almost ten thousand dollars. And they want their money," the voice said.

"I do?" I stammered. "How on earth can that be? I know I paid the taxes."

Well, it can be because even though I'd paid the taxes I had omitted to file one of the necessary forms to indicate what I'd paid the taxes on. I had all the paperwork compiled. I just hadn't put the information onto the prerequisite form and sent it in.

Within a short period of time, the form was faxed in, the owed monies down to zero. And, because when I paid, I overpaid, they now know how much they owe me.

Cool.

I could have saved myself the angst had I just filed the right forms at the right time.

But there's that fear thing. That aversion thing. That procrastination thing.

See, I wanted to pay the taxes without having to touch the paperwork. I figured I'd at least get the 'important' part done. But it wasn't just the money that was important. It was keeping the money in order, connecting the dots to where it belonged that mattered.

For me, what mattered most was keeping the angst going -- even though I told myself it was becuase I was afraid of the 'paperwork'. That's my excuse. Truth is, while I tell myself paper work creates angst in my life, the reality is, I am the source of all my angst. My avoidance of paper work created this particular angst. -- I used to be one of those, I work better under pressure kind of students too!

Had I just done what needed doing when I needed to do it, I could have saved myself the angst.

Sometimes, I know what to do as I stubbornly refuse to do it.

Knowing I avoid paperwork is great knowledge for me. When the discomfort arises of filling it in, I can remind myself what a joy it was to have it out of the way this morning.

What we know and what we do are sometimes polar opposites.

I know letting unfiled paperwork hang around my office does not get me more of what I want.

But I did it.

I know the anxiety it creates ('cause when does the government ever give up?) is not worth the turmoil. But I kept putting off filing the papers until tomorrow, that ethereal place where nothing ever happens.

Maria Nemeth writes in, The Energy of Money, "Remember, pain is a great teacher. Knowing who you really are -- what you value and what gives you joy -- can help you face whatever discomfort arises on your journey

This morning, my paper work is filed. I've got a cheque coming back to me, and while my cold still clogs my thinking, my mind is clear -- the details have been taken care of.

This morning, I read my daughter Alexis' blog and felt the warm glow of love permeating my being. What a beautiful woman she is. What a loving heart she shares so graciously.

This morning, while sitting at my desk, looking out the window at the world beyond, I laughed as I watched two giant bunnies, their white coats mottled in anticipation of spring's transformative grace, chase each other around and around in circles as they played tag beneath the sweeping branches of a bush across the street.

This morning, the sun is shining. Snow still covers the ground but spring is awakening just around the corner of tomorrow. It won't procrastinate in its arrival. It will come, like the ebb and flow of the tide, never wasting energy on thinking about what it would rather be doing, how it would rather the world spun. It will come because that's how its energy flows, year after year; day in, day out.

And I am in a positive space to let my energy flow freely. Unburdened by details I haven't taken care of, by forms I haven't filled in, I breathe deeply into the beauty of the morning and greet my day with a loving heart and open arms as I throw my hands up into the air and exclaim, "How fascinating."

I fell into one of my own self-defeating traps. I've been released. I move along my journey joyfully leaping into the freedom to explore all I can be.

The question is: Are you focusing your energy on how you could change the world if only you were in charge? Or, are you putting your attention on creating the life of your dreams and living your reality with a joyful heart and accepting arms?