I surprise myself

It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated...it is finished when it surrenders. Ben Stein

I surprise myself sometimes. Yesterday I felt the ennui, the sadness of one man's passing and let myself feel it. I slept in, worked quietly in my office, didn't answer the phone, left early. I had decided to not fight the sadness, to simply let it flow as I got done what needed doing without too much muss and fuss.

That was a surprise to me, the eternal optimist, the Pollyanna in the face of doom. To simply feel the emotions, but not be controlled by them or to try to control them.

I like surprises. I like surprising myself.

Julia Cameron, author of The Writer's Way (a book I highly recommend) once said, "Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise."

It was no mystery to me Sunday that a client should die. It is inevitable in a world of Listerine consumption and self-abuse. The mystery is, how do so many people who are living beyond the edge of reason, who every day abuse their bodies and their minds, hang on for as long as they do? What is it that makes their will to live, to survive, overcome the abuse they heap upon themselves every day?

It is the mystery of life. That we live in spite of life's pressures to give in, give up, surrender.

A man surrendered his will to live on Sunday. Around him, thousands more continue their fight. It is a good fight, no matter how it is fought, when they continue to live.

In life, there is hope. In death, there is only the sorrow of one man's passing.

Today, I am lighter. I have crested the wave of sadness. Ridden the trough of sorrow. I am once again riding upon the waves of life's eternal mystery awakening in this moment.

Surprised, I smile. Surprised, I embrace the moment and dance in the sunlight of this new day full of surprises.

A man passed away on Sunday. There is much to do today to make a difference in the lives of those who continue to fight against defeat. Who continue to refuse to surrender.

There is much to do to surprise myself.

The question is: Are you moving freely through the ebb and flow of your emotions? Are you caught in the updraft of a feeling you will not let go of, or, are you surprising yourself by letting your feelings flow through you as you flow freely into your day in love with all you are and the mysteries of the world around you?