Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Stop. Think. Assess

Every path hath a puddle. George Herbert
Six years ago today I was in the final throes of the relationship that almost killed me. I didn't know at this time six years ago that this would be my last night of living that horror. I didn't know that the next morning a blue and white police car would drive up and set me free. I only knew, I couldn't live like that any longer. I didn't believe the angels heard me anymore. I didn't believe God even knew I was already dead. I didn't believe.

And then, I awoke and life took on a brand new day perspective.

What a miracle. What a gift from the Divine.

My path away from that pain filled place has not been smooth sailing -- but it has been joy filled. Because no matter where I was stepping, my heart was filled with gratitude. Gratitude for my life. For my knowing. For my being able to make amends and reclaim all that was lost, and so much more.

Throughout the course of these six years I have journeyed with a grateful heart. A heart filled with thankfulness for the many blessings on my path -- including the puddles.

For it is in the puddles that I often come face to face with my reflection. With the self-defeating games I play to keep me stuck in the mud of resistance, denying the truth of my freedom -- to choose, to be, to become and to have all of this and anything better.

My puddle right now is filled with over commitment. I've had to back out of one commitment I made simply because I wasn't doing it justice and was letting the other person down. No sense in pretending I'll 'get to it'. I don't have the time to devote to give it what it needs to be done properly.

I'm quite familiar with the over commitment puddle. I've muddied these waters before. And every time, I promise myself to stop, think, assess before committing.

My commitment is to do that now. To stop. Think. Assess -- my time, my resources, my energy, my ability to achieve the desired outcome given my other commitments.

And for now -- I commit to not committing to any new projects until I complete the one's already on my plate. I commit to re-visiting my passion card and realign myself with my top 2 passions to ensure I am not over-extending myself.

I am grateful for the love I carry on this path of joy and healing. I am grateful for the limitless opportunities... and the puddles. They remind me to stay grounded in the reality of what I have right now, to the bounty of my life, the joy of my existence -- and to the reality of the time I have to give to others. To accept surrendered moments are passe. The only time I have to be grateful for and joyful in, is right now.

It is up to me to spend it wisely. To surrender with grace.

The question is: Are you over-extending yourself by committing to too many projects? Are you keeping yourself stuck in the muddy waters of filling time with things you don't want to do, or can't get to, because you are not stopping to think and assess before you commit?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Elgie (a.k.a. puddle jumper),

I've known you for 2 of those last 6 years little puddle-jumper! . . Seriously, milestones are good for remembering if we don't mis-spell them as millstones.

As time goes on the left behind is truly left behind so we can see what is right ahead.

And, when it rains, it is always fun to stomp through puddles ..not for the mud but for the fun of stomping . .

The next will go by like two heart-beats because the first six just flew by, didn't they?