Healing

I have a couple of girlfriends who are like, healing. We take care of each
other. They know when I need to be taken care of. Maggie Gyllenhaal

I am truly blessed. Over the course of the past week, as I've mostly laid in bed, foot elevated, napping and reading then napping some more, I have been blessed by my friends and family who have phoned and visited, dropped off flowers -- and wine -- and simply given me a supportive hug or ear. My friends and family are my healing circle.

I am, as C.C. will tell you, not a very patient woman. Particularly, when patience is needed for myself. Being constricted by having to hobble around on crutches is a pain! I'm learning to balance myself on my crutches, and I'm learning patience.

Russian novelist, Leo Tolstoy, once wrote, "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

I know that in time, my foot will quit hurting and I will be able to walk without crutches. It's getting to the 'in time' part that I lose patience with! I want it now. And I know that in my 'wanting it now' I am undermining my healing. Short circuiting time's gentle passage and its ability to heal all wounds.

And so I breathe.

The only way to 'speed up' the healing cycle is to give into my bodies need to rest. To keep my foot elevated as much as possible and to stop trying to do more than I need to do in this moment.

Time is a powerful warrior! And a powerful tool.

I was very fortunate while I was in the hospital. I had a semi-private room -- and no one in the other bed. Until the next morning after my surgery. A young pregnant woman arrived and needed surgery. I apologized after the nurse left her bedside and told her, "I couldn't help but over hear your conversation. Are you scared for your baby?"

"Yes," she whispered, her voice filled with tears. "I'm scared what the anesthetic will do to my baby."

Sometimes, we don't know the value of our experience until many years later. When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, Alexis, 23 years ago, I had to have surgery at the 14 week mark of my pregnancy. Serious surgery. They told me I wasn't pregnant. I said I was. They gave me drugs anyway. A week after the surgery, they came back and said, "Oh look. You are pregnant." I spent the next six months terrified the drugs would have an effect upon my unborn child's development.

If it did, I'm grateful. From birth, it was pretty evident that Alexis was an amazing human being.

Lying in my bed, the curtain drawn between us, I shared the story of my surgery during pregnancy and my fears for Alexis' health. I told her about my amazing daughter, about her intelligence and talent and incredible spirit.

"Really?" the woman asked me. "She's okay?"

"She's more than okay," I said. "She's incredible."

When I left the woman stopped me and said. "Thank you for sharing your story. You've eased my fears."

We don't know what we don't know.

I never knew that one day my experience would give hope to another woman in the same situation. I never knew that I would be able to ease someone else's fears through sharing mine.

I am healing. I didn't know before I had this surgery how frustrating it would be -- I also didn't know what a gift of time it could be.

I'm starting to feel more clear headed. Less fuzzy-brained. The anesthetic and drugs are easing off and while I remain somewhat hindered by the crutches and the need to keep my foot elevated, I am free to read and write and sleep and think and enjoy the beauty of this day.

Life is a gift. Each moment a precious drop of beauty waiting to expand into joy and love and laughter and healing.

Each day is an opportunity to live it up -- no matter your circumstances.

I'm living today as if it's my best day yet. Thank you everyone who has emailed or commented. Thank you for your well wishes and your love and support. You make a difference!

See you tomorrow!

Nameste.

Louise