Monday, August 10, 2009

Hearts engage.

You can buy a person's hands but you can't buy his heart. His heart is where his enthusiasm, his loyalty is. Stephen Covey
A friend phones and asks, "Everything okay? You haven't posted this morning yet."

It's nice to have friends who care. It's good to know someone is listening. Thanks!

My youngest daughter comes home from a night out with friends that turned into a disaster. Two young men fight. Blood sheds and police sirens screech. In the end, everyone is 'okay'. Lessons learned. Hearts filled with fear. Hearts broken open in love. "You have to give D. a hug," my daughter tells me. "She sure kept it all together. She's learned a lot working at the shelter."

C.C. doesn't come home as expected. A friend in need has decided to shed his own blood. Sirens screech. The friend will live. His heart is broken. His wounds will heal. His heart will keep engaging him with life.

Hearts engage and disengage. Pound in fear. Beat a gentle tattoo of love. Minds tune in. Tune out. Turn off. Turn up.

Engage. Disengage.

What makes the difference between a heart connected? What makes one man fear living enough to seek a way out at his own hands?

C.C. is upset. He was there. He did the best he could. I shouldn't have let him go to the bathroom alone. He said.

You couldn't have known. I told him. Because you were there, he is getting the help he needs. He is alive this morning. Because you were there, someone's father, son, brother, uncle, cousin is alive today. You did the absolute best you could.

Engage. Disengage.

Long ago, I once believed there was only one solution. To end it. To stop the pain I had to stop my life.

And I couldn't do it. I believed I only had one truth left in my life at that time. I desperately wanted the surcease. Desperately. I loved my daughters and could not make a lie of that truth. I am grateful today that my love kept me from taking that final step. And still, I desperately wanted it. Death that is. Desperately wanted to end my pain. To make it stop. Desperately wanted my heart to quit beating. My mind to quit going around and around in circles.

I had love to pull me through. Love to sustain me.

Just as C.C.s friend had someone there last night who cared enough to pull him through.

For those of us in the light, it is hard to understand how dark it can get for someone who has lost their way. All we can do is keep casting our light to light their way back home to their hearts, where love and enthusiasm and trust and loyalty and hope live.

We cannot stop their pain. We can only be there when they call and be grateful when we get there in time to engage them in our heartfelt prayer that they will come out of the darkness into the light.


1 comment:

S L M Moss said...


It sounds like a pain-filled, yet rejoice-ful kind of weekend for your family. I am glad your daughter is safe and that CC was there in order to keep his friend alive. That is an amazing miracle that one day he will be thanked for. I want to say "thank you" on behalf of his family, because they probably do not know the kind of pain that CC saved them from today.

God bless you. I pray your lives are filled with love and joy today, I send you my love with hugs.