A fire in the belly doesn't light itself. Unknown
The universe is filled with serendipity, synchronicity, and just plain old-fashioned luck. This morning, I received an email from a woman, Margot van Sluytman, who has offered to come in and give a writing workshop at the shelter where I work. Margot gave this workshop last spring to the delight of every participant, clients and staff. She is a remarkable woman. To have her come back is a gift.
As Margot and I spoke, she mentioned an organization she works with here where she often offers her courses, Spiritual Directions. Go visit their site, she said. They've got some wonderful programs and you might even want to think about offering a course or two there.
I went and visited their site. How fortuitous.
Recently I have been feeling an undefined ennui. A sadness that felt like it was bubbling up from my roots. I have been resisting it. Pushing it back, admonishing myself with words to shore up my flagging spirits. 'Why should you feel sad, look at all you have going for you right now.' 'Get busy. Get doing. This too shall pass.' 'You're just feeling sorry for yourself because you're in a cast and feeling stuck.' 'Quit wasting your time. Get busy.' 'Seriously Louise, what have you got to feel sad about. Push those feelings away and get yourself in gear.'
What I resist persists.
Reality is, the sadness is bubbling up from somewhere within me. Pushing it away, stemming its flow doesn't change its need for release. I can't go around it, under it, over it. I must go through it. Let it wash through me. Give it space to release itself.
This too shall pass.
Naming the sadness isn't necessary. Giving it air. Letting it breathe in the light of each new day dawning, flames the spark of my creativity, burning up the sadness from where ever it came.
We all have moments where our eyes cloud the rosy dawn of new possibility awakening with every morning. For me, acknowledging that it is my eyes creating the clouds, and not the sky above, gives me the grace to acknowledge that I choose to feel these feelings, I choose to let them flow -- and in their flowing, the lava of my inherent attitude of gratitude is allowed to flow as well.
I am embracing these feelings this morning. Letting them flow freely so that I can dance in the fires of my belly sparking new ideas, new beginnings, new possibilities.
I am not these feelings. These feelings are not me. They just are.
When I allow them to hold me back, knock me down, then I have a problem. In trying to force them back, I was forcing myself into a dark and narrow corridor where I was not free to be all of me. Where I was denying the feelings, and thus, denying my power to move through them with grace and ease, no matter how uncomfortable or tight they felt.
This morning, the sun is shining. The fire in my belly is alight and I am flowing freely.
This morning, I embrace all of me, sadness and sorrow. I can't go around it. I can flow through it as it flows through me, out into the river of my life unfolding under the morning sun, flowing into the sea of my possibilities.
The question is: Are you willing to let your feelings flow without forcing the tide of their unruly nature? Are you willing to let yourself flow freely, no matter the name or label of your emotions?