Acceptance

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake-up somebody. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When I was married I spent an inordinate amount of time knocking at the gate of my husband's heart. I wanted, desperately, for him to see me, hear me, even become me. And all my knocking increased his fear of the very thing I wanted, intimacy.

In time, I grew weary and quit knocking at his door. I went in search of other doors, other openings and found, myself. For in my knocking I did awaken somebody. Me. I awoke myself to turning inward. To quit knocking on a door, out there, and start opening the doors within to find the treasures buried in the darkness of my soul and the lightness of my being.

My darkness is an absence of light. the 21-day consciousness cleanse. Debbie Ford

The darkness within me is the absence of my light shining inward to uncover my essence.

In my meditation this morning I drifted into that space where I could see and hear my 'guide' without fearing what I would discover. A realization floated to the top of my mind, illuminating my past. I have been kind to strangers. Not always so kind to me or those I love.

At the shelter where I work, when someone talks about the things they have done which they are not proud of, or regret, or wish they could change, I always ask, "Can you forgive yourself and let it go?"

Sometimes, someone will say, "There's no sense talking about that, or looking at the past. It's done. Over. Finished. Gotta move on."

And we do, 'gotta move on'. But we cannot move on, light of heart and free of spirit, when the past draws us back to repeat the same mistakes over and over. And the past will always draw us back if we do not acknowledge what we've done we are ashamed of, or sorry for, or wish we could do over. The past is persistent.

In looking at my past, I have done some great things, and some not so great things. I have forgiven myself for many -- and yet, vestiges of regret linger, undermining my peace of mind, disrupting my flow. In the past, in those moments when I've encountered an area of unease, I've told myself, "Okay. It's over. Move on." What I haven't done is move the events outside of myself, into that clean, clear space where I do not own them, they simply were events that happened. Events that I can learn from, grow from, but never run from.

I cannot run from the past. I can release it to the infinite flow of the universe around me, surrounding myself in the waters of life as I swim clear of the flotsam that would pull me under. There's nothing to be gained treading water in the past. There's everything to gain swimming freely today.

This morning, I began the process of letting those events drift away, outside of me, into that space where I do not 'own' them. They were lessons, stepping stones on my journey that brought me to this moment right now, this place where I want to be, in love, free, living life with grace and ease, shining my light upon every moment, every facet of my being the best that I can be.

This morning, I wrote down the things I regret I've done, the steps I wished I could reverse, the actions I wished I could redo. I wrote them down and gently unhooked the thoughts that kept me attached. These things, they are of little consequence today -- as long as I love myself enough to give myself the gift of light.

When I shine my light on my regrets, the darkness eases away and I am revealed, beauty and the beast, a wondrous being of light on the journey of her lifetime.

I invite you to shine your light on your regrets, to open yourself up to the wonder of you. I invite you to say The Serenity Prayer with me:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

The question is: What's in it for you to hold onto the past so firmly it keeps you from living with grace and ease today? What are you holding onto?