Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Days of miracles and wonder

From wonder into wonder existence opens. Lao Tzu
I am off for five days of wonder. Five days spent serving people in the discovery of the wonder of their lives.

I'm off to Coach at Choices, the personal development program my daughters and I took three years ago -- the program we have each gone back to coach at as often as we can.

It is a wonder that I still keep going back. Given that my mindset when I first stepped into the training room was one of 'knowing'. I already knew whatever I needed to know about myself. I already knew what I had to do to live the life of my dreams. I already knew everything there was to know about me -- I just needed to keep working hard at life. At living. At being.

Ahhh, the things we don't know when we don't know what we don't know.

I didn't know three years ago in April when I first stepped into the Choices training room that it was my knowing that was standing in my way of being.

I didn't know that I was a complex, complicated, convoluted system of wires and messages and tapes and decoder rings waiting to be lit. I didn't know how stubborn (read that 'scared') I was of truly dipping into the wonder of me. I didn't know how simple life could be when I let go of scurrying down the rabbit holes of my creation in fear of creating my life without fearing who I am, who I was, who I can be when I live in wonder of the wonder of me! I didn't know how much wonder of me (read that 'YOU'!) there could be!

That's the beauty of opening up to wonder.

In wonder, the wonder of my existence became clearer. The wonder of the world around me lit up. In wonder, I let go of what I was determined to hold onto -- my fear, my angst, my sorrow, my regret, my self-doubt, my opinions, my judgements, my obstinacy, my.... Get it?

I let go of what I knew and gave into what I don't know -- how incredibly amazing I can be when I simply let myself be... REAL. Be ME -- in all my fear, angst, sorrow, regret, self-doubt, opinions, judgements, obstinacy... Get it?

Holding onto who I was kept me from being who I'm truly meant to be when I love all of me, darkness and light, shadow and brightness, yin and yang, beauty and the beast, open and closed, in and out...

Holding onto who I was when I told myself I was frightened, scared, sorry, envious, insecure, opinionated and stubborn... Holding onto those things kept me from stepping through the shadow into the wonder of being free of what I feared the most -- being me.

I thought the world saw the pretty picture I presented. What I didn't think about was how poorly I was disguising my fears, my regrets, my shadow self.

It has been a wondrous journey of self-discovery. Of digging into my psyche and unearthing all the bits and pieces, darkness and light, wonder and joy of me that had been jettisoned, or tucked away, or covered over or buried deep as I journeyed into my life from back then into the here and now.

In this journey, I have breathed into the truth of my life -- This is my life. To live it up, or down. To dance in the rain or cower under the eaves. This is my one and only life.

I get to choose being frightened or fearless.

I get to choose being closed off or opened up to the beauty all around me.

I get to choose -- what will I do with this moment, right now. Will I hide in fear about what may or may not happen, what is meant to be, or not to be. I get to choose -- being a dull little penny hiding my worth, or the brightest I can be, making my worth have the greatest value I can in my life right now.

Today, I choose worth. Being a Woman of Worth -- a real WoW :)! Valuing every bit of me, polishing up my shadow, lighting up my day finding value in every moment.

I'm off to coach at Choices today. I'm off to live in the wonder of seeing miracles open up before my eyes!

May your day be filled with love and wonder. May you see the miracles dancing all around you.

Nameste.

2 comments:

Maureen said...

Wishing you another wonderful Choice experience. Have fun!

S L M Moss said...

I hope you have a fabulous five days! Actually, I know you will because it is what you make of it. One day (hopefully soon!) I will join you in that room. :)

Perchance I'll see you this weekend. I'll keep you and the rest of the team in my prayers.

Love,
Sarah