Friday, November 27, 2009

Holding onto nothing

Our hunger to belong is the longing to find a bridge across the distance from isolation to intimacy. Everyone longs for intimacy and dreams of a nest of belonging in which one is embraced, seen and loved. Something within each of us cries out for belonging. We can have all the world has to offer in terms of status, achievement, and possessions. Yet without a sense of belonging it all seems empty and pointless. John O'Donohue
I read the 'wise and beautiful words' above at my blogger friend Joyce's blog, Peaceful Legacies. I read these words and was entranced. Curious. Thoughtful. "A bridge across the distance from isolation to intimacy."

I wondered about intimacy. At Choices, we spell it "In-to-me-see". I can't be intimate with you -- on a spiritual, emotional, physical level without your seeing into me. And I can't know intimacy with you without seeing into you. And first, my story begins with me. And your story begins with you.

Intimacy is a two-way street. The road across that bridge goes in both directions both of which begin and end in our selves.

In-to-me-see. My happiness in life is determined by how open I am to being all of me -- and being open to your seeing me as you see me, not as I want you to see me or fear you see me.

In-to-me-see does not project the image of who I want you to see. There are no projectors of ego-defense in In-to-me-see. I peel away the veil concealing my 'self' and open myself up to being real, a three-dimensional being. In In-to-me-see I am not worried about who you see me as. I am not busy being the person I want you to believe I am. My happiness and contentment is dependent upon my being happy and content with myself, exactly the way I am, without fearing you will find me less than, other than or wanting if I show you 'me' just the way I am.

When I accept me, just as I am, and open myself up to being myself, just as I am, I cross the bridge of my own fears. I cross the bridge into being accepting of me, myself and I, knowing -- who I am is all I need to be to create the life of my dreams today. And on that bridge I meet you as you are, accepting your gifts, your talents, your wondrous nature exactly the way you are, judgement free. In my acceptance of our unique selves, there is room for all beings to be free to be exactly who they are.

There was a time when I believed if I just knew more about 'why' I was the way I was, I would be happier with who I am.

There was a time when I struggled to understand how I fit into the world.

In truth, the why of my fit is not important. Knowing I fit exactly the way I am is what makes my life full and valuable and exciting today.

I don't have to be taller, thinner, fatter, shorter. I don't have to dye my hair, pluck my eyebrows, or even worry about where I wear my heart. To be happy, content, accepting of where I am in my life today, all I have to do is breathe and be willing to be open and.... vulnerable.


A word I struggle with. A word that challenges my ability to be intimate in all my important relations.

Being vulnerable frightens me. What if.... I get hurt. What if... they take away my pride. My purpose. My passion. What if.... they don't like me?

And there's the contradiction.

I can't be truly vulnerable when I'm holding onto all the words I use to define myself. All the ideas I hold about myself.

To be vulnerable means to hold onto nothing. Holding onto nothing, no one can take anything from me.

It is in being vulnerable that I am free.

It is in being vulnerable that true intimacy arises, deepens into the core of my being and settles in as my worth.

I am a vulnerable woman.

I am vulnerable.

I am.

Arms wide, embracing the world, heart broken open in song, I dance in the light of being my most amazing self and invite you to dance. With me. Alone. Together. Apart. We dance and create a wondrous rhythm of feet pounding a beat of freedom.

The freedom to Be.

Who we are. How we are. What we are when we claim our right to live this one wild and passionate life free of fear that someone else can take away who we are.

No one can take who I am away from me.

Who I am is all I am when I hold onto nothing but who I am.

Who I am is nothing compared to my being all I'm meant to be holding onto nothing.


Happy Thanksgiving to our friends south of the border. May this day be filled with abundance. Love. Joy. Beauty. May your hearts be open wide. Your table filled with bounty. Thank you for your presence on my path.


Maureen said...

"Who I am is all I am when I hold onto nothing but who I am."

Wonderful words today. . . for everyone.

Joyce Wycoff said...

Louise ... I love the interplay of our words and thoughts and how something I say becomes something even more when projected through another prism. This is truly a gift.