Look at me and my human foibles!

Notice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, 'I have failed three times,' and what happens when he says, 'I am a failure.' S.I. Hayakawa

I cannot remember a time when I was not fascinated about my human foibles. A time when I did not wonder, "Why do I do that?", "Is doing that what I really want, getting me what I want?", "What makes me tick?"

In my fascination with my human foibles, I have also been fascinated with my fellow humans. The people I meet upon my journey. We are fascinating beings.

In my journey, my human foibles have been my strength and my weakness. My joy and my sorrow. My triumphs and my failures.

Yesterday, I hit up against one of my foibles and kept bumping into my self-defeating games. I kept tripping over my core belief, "I am helpless."

It took until this morning's meditation for me to see the root of my distress. It took tears and fears and woe is me's before I got clear on what is driving my angst and pushing me back into silence.

And that's the joy of my human foibles. They're just 'foibles'.

Nothing new. And definitely getting old. The benefit of their aged status in my psyche is, I'm no longer willing to hold them up to defend myself against their limiting beliefs. They're beliefs are keeping me stuck in self-defeating games. They're not serving me well anymore. Like a tired out pair of running shoes, they've seen too many miles to offer effective support against the hard pavement of life beneath my feet.

I'm tired of tripping myself up on silence and playing small. I'm tired of listening and not giving voice to my beliefs. Of letting myself off the hook when someone else is beating me down with words that try my spirit and drain my heart. I'm tired of playing the victim to my belief, 'there's nothing I can do to change this or that', 'there's nothing I can do to be heard'. And I'm tired of believing I have all the answers to right the world.

I don't.

Now, don't get me wrong. I got answers. Man, do I have answers. But they're really just my answers. Neither right nor wrong. They are my perceptions of what the world needs to do to right itself, to shift the balance from stress and distress to peace and harmony.

My answers won't work for everyone -- but when I'm playing small. When I'm giving into fear. When I'm giving up on being heard -- I'm part of the problem and 100% accountable for my role in creating whatever situation is causing me angst, whatever is causing stress and distress in my life. And when I keep my answers about me to myself, when I do not speak up against injustice to me, or believe that 'you' or 'you' have the right to treat me 'wrong', then I am the voiceless victim of my own creation.

It's time to quit looking at where I've 'failed' and start focusing on how I've succeeded again and again to create and participate in the magic around me.

Yesterday, I saw miracles happen. Yesterday I participated in magic. In voices rising. In the wonder of listening and watching my youngest daughter shine. Yesterday I learned about her journey, her beauty, her fearless walk through life and her fearful cries in the dark. Yesterday, I was part of the miracle of Liseanne giving voice to her truth. And I was in awe.

Yesterday, other miracles happened too. I read my daughter Alexis' blog on My Secret Canada and felt the awe of her incredible spirit lighting the world. I breathed into her beauty touching someone else's heart, her truth shining on the path of a stranger's journey. And I was in awe.

Yesterday, I received a phone call from someone who I thought was lost. He isn't lost, and still, I have judgements about his journey. His journey is his journey. What I do with my 100% is up to me. Do I stay silent and 'pretend' what he has done is okay? Do I speak up and hold him accountable for his 'stuff'? Do I run away? Ultimately, I am not responsible for forcing someone else to be accountable for their stuff. I am accountable for how I act, how I respond.

In my arrogance, I believe I know what is the right thing for him to do. As one friend asked, "If he's okay with living with the knowledge of where he's at, is it your duty to make him confront it and deal with it?"

Good question.

Last night, I drove a group of homeless women to a meeting about housing. Afterwards one of the organizer's thanked me for my help and said, "The stories are so heart-breaking. I wish there was something I could do."

"You are doing something," I replied. "You are giving them a place to find their voice. For some of these women, this could be the first time in their lives they have felt heard. Where they have spoken up without being beaten down."

For all my angst yesterday, it was a day of wonder. A day of coming up against my foibles and acknowledging, "Look at me. Aren't I amazing! How fascinating that I do that."

May your day be filled with wonder. May you discover your incredible self waiting to shine upon the road of life, illuminating a path so bright, no one can miss your presence, including yourself.

Nameste.

And the question is: Have you counted your blessings today? Go to Gratitude Log, sign in and create a daily reminder of all you have to be thankful for -- in a day of stress and distress, peace and harmony, gratitude is the path to abundance.