When I quit doing

One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

The world is serendipity. I had chosen the above quote for today before I read my friend Maureen's blog. There she posted two thoughts about questions, one of them from Dawna Markova's book, I Will Not Die an Unlived Life

What is too soon for, too late for, just the right time for?
When you are very still in a place without words, steeped in silence,
when the world is elsewhere with its noise and motion, what are
the sacred hungers that echo inside of you?
Who am I when I stop doing?
~ Dawna Markova

Who am I when I stop doing?

Last night I packed up Christmas. A poignant and sad affair at the best of times, it contained added drama as I had to divvy up, his and hers ornaments into separate boxes.

My heart was heavy, my eyes bleary as I appraised each item. Most were pretty simple. The majority of Christmas ornaments scattered throughout the house are mine. I love Christmas. I love the special feeling of dressing the house in festive attire and so, have accumulated a fair amount in the past few years.

Which is no small feat. I lost all my Christmas paraphernalia in the debacle of 'the man whose name is no longer spoken' passing through my life. Okay. Okay. I'm just being dramatic. The Conrad experience left me devoid of many things -- including a lifetime's accumulation of Christmas 'stuff'. In the past six and a half years I have steadily rebuilt my collection and am on the brink of 'too much' already! But no matter how much I've acquired, what I've got has great meaning for me.

And that thought played through my mind as I carefully disrobed the tree. These decorations don't have a long history, but they do have meaning. They contain wonder and joy for my daughters and me. We've chosen these decorations. Chosen the theme. The colours. The textures just for us. In fact, our tree is, as we like to call it, the girliest tree ever! Pink and rose hued balls adorn it. Glass ballet slippers and ballerinas, tiny birds and pink bows trim it and on top, a beautiful china doll angel in a white gown.

As I disassembled and packed away last night I thought of this Christmas and Christmases past and Christmases to come. I don't know what next Christmas will bring. It will be different. Other than what it was. But then, with or without this relationship, it would have been different.

Time does that. Make things different.

And so, I closed each box and carefully labelled it. His. Hers.

I closed each box filled with treasures and knew, regardless of the circumstances of next Christmas, the love and joy and wonder of what is within will still be there.

I am the one who creates the wonder. I am the one who bestows the meaning upon each item, each event in my life.

A chapter closes and another opens.

The book keeps writing as I keep living my life, one day at a time. It is not too soon nor too late for this ending to come. It is not the right time nor the wrong for this beginning to begin or end. As I live each day open to my heart beating a tattoo of love, I listen to the quiet of the world around me and hear my sacred yearning for Oneness. For Wholeness. For love. I feel my sacred calling me to awaken to the beauty of the moment, in its many coloured wonder.

Fro today, I commit to making it my best day yet. I commit to bringing my best to each moment. To adorning each moment with the shining truth of who I am when I live fearlessly unattached to the moment of my doing my best.

Who am I when I quit doing?

I am me. In all my feelings and emotions awakening to the joy and the sadness of a naked Christmas tree standing in the corner of the room knowing this season is over. Confident there are more to come. But, for today, this day is done. In my completeness, I am confident in the truth that when I live each day to my fullest, whatever next season brings, it will be a continuation of the Love that sustains me every day in every way.

Who am I when I quit doing?

I am the Love I give freely. I am free. I am in Love.

For in Love I give without wanting. I give without needing. I give without holding onto anything other than the truth of who I am when I quit doing anything other than being, Love. And in Love I receive the beauty of all the wonder of the world around me, in its many shapes and forms, in all its glorious adornments.

In love,

there are no questions.

There is no doing.

There is just being,

In love.