Walk in Wonder

It is the morning of a new day.
All that is needed is before you.
Awaken to the possibility of love everywhere.
Julie Redstone, Calendar of 100 Days

In the short film, The Butterfly Circus, the Master of Ceremonies states, "All this world needs is a little wonder." It may not be all the world needs, but wonder is essential to living the life of your dreams.

This morning, I got lost in wonder following links. Scott Sheppard dropped in yesterday and I took a stroll over to his wonderful site, Rekindle Your Heart.

Maureen over at Writing Without Paper, wrote a piece on poet Debra Cash, and I became entranced by Debra's words and followed their trail to her blog, Dancing in the Present Tense.

From there, I wandered over to Ted.com and immersed myself in a couple of talks on Compassion.

And then, I wandered back here.

Now, you might think I'm ADD or perhaps just hyper-active with a really short attention span to my fingers on my keyboard. In reality, I have a curious mind and can easily get immersed in 'learning' more. (At least, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!)

As Sendhil Mullainathan suggests in his Ted Talk, I want to start my day "a little bit dumber", aware of how much there is to learn about this amazing planet upon which I live and all the people's who make up this incredible world.

His talk is compelling, and provocative. By knowing I'm a 'little bit dumber', I want to start my day 'in wonder', asking questions, open to possibilities as I move into motion, out into the world. I don't want to hold onto the belief I have the answers or hold all the questions even. I want to hold myself open to finding our more, experiencing more, being more than I could ever imagine possible.

In his Ted talk, Sendhil asks some very big questions, one of them being, "What are the irrational choices we make that perpetuate poverty, corruption, discrimination?"

Yesterday, I read a paper on the causes of homelessness in Canada and while I didn't learn much I didn't know, the author did provoke a couple of thoughts. 1) the causes of the current homeless 'crisis' are based on good intentions from the past. 2) We can't solve homelessness without first acknowledging we created it.

And I wonder, where do I spend inordinate amounts of time trying to solve problems in my life without first acknowledging my role in creating them?

Take, for example, my recent tiff with C.C. that I wrote about yesterday. When I focus on fixing 'him', I'm not open to learning more. I'm not open to looking for new directions, or even to using what I know to find a different path. I'm focused on his issues, his problems, his stuff. Which is rather convenient for me -- it means I don't have to look at my stuff and find my answers in me.

So, in keeping with my wondering mind, I asked myself the questions this morning:

What do I want in relationship with C.C.?

And then I listed the attributes I want. Those core values that are important to me, such as, Openness. Honesty. Communication. Intimacy. Passion. Truth. Connection...

And then, I did the tough one. What do I bring to my relationship?

And that's where it got interesting.

What I want and what I bring are not the same.

See, I want some pretty global and yet important things in relationship.

What I bring is this complex being with a history, with some patterning that isn't always healthy, with a past that isn't always quiet. And all of those things affect what I bring and how I bring me to this relationship.

And that's when it hit me. What I bring is nearly always focused on the 'how'. How am I feeling in this moment. How am I seeing him -- through eyes of love and wonder, or, through eyes of criticism and frustration? How am I seeing this situation? Through eyes of love and wonder, or, through eyes of fear and sorrow?

It gave me pause to think. What if....

I did it differently?

What if I focus only on what I bring to the relationship -- so that what I bring becomes the fulfillment of what I want?

What if I quit focusing on the how and become my 'what'?

What if, I quit focusing on 'how' I'm feeling, from sad to happy, glad to mad -- and instead, step back from my feelings to become what I want?

Rather than saying, "I'm frustrated" or" I'm feeling sad" or even, "I'm feeling happy", what if I changed it to:

Frustration is present.

Sadness is present.

Happiness is present.

What if...

I become present to each moment and choose to acknowledge my emotions as present, and choose to not make my emotions become me acting badly in the moment?

I wonder what in the world could happen in my day? In my work? In my relationships? In my life?

Good wondering for me on this cloudy -- and not snowy -- April morning.

In a quote by poet Antonio Macado I read at Debra Cash's blog, I found a wonderful way to enter my day. Macado wrote, "we make the road by walking."

May I walk in wonder. May we all walk in wonder throughout our day.

Nameste.