I choose my experience

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. William Blake

A friend called to see how I was doing. "I heard about you and C," he said. "I'm so sorry. You must be feeling awful."

"Actually, I'm not," I replied. "I feel wonderful."

"Oh. But your heart must be aching," he said.

"Only if I choose to believe it aches."

"If it were me I'd be curled up in a ball crying my eyes out for days," he said.

"And that would be your choice. And that would be okay."

My beliefs create my experience today.

And my belief is -- I am exactly where I am meant to be. And C.C. is exactly where he is meant to be and all is well with my world. All is well with my soul.

I can choose to feel hurt and sad. I can choose to feel joy and peace.

It is a decision. Pain and suffering are not immutable laws of the universe. Neither are joy and happiness.

I choose how I feel. I choose how I express my feelings. I choose my expression of life.

I pulled the Fire Medicine Card from my Sacred Path Cards yesterday. "You are being asked to acknowledge the Fire within... Any old fears of intimacy or commitment can act as limitations to relationships. If this applies to you, clear the fear. As the fear leaves, so will the coldness of past hurts, and you will be ready for more rewarding future relationships.... Fire Medicine insists that we use the Fire within to fuel our lives with energy... When we are in balance, this Divine Union sparks our natural desire for experiencing life."

I desire to experience life in all its technicolor hues, in all its rainbow shards exploding across sunlit valleys glistening in the rain. I desire to dance in the rain. To sing in the sunlight. To run naked through wildflower strewn meadows. To embrace all that is and all that I am. Alive. Free. Unfettered by fear and limitations. Leaping for joy in this moment of now -- whatever it may bring, however it may appear.

I choose to be open to my experience. The past is not the present. My beliefs of what happened do nothing to change where I am in this moment. And in this moment, I am joyful for this expression of life within and all around me.

It is not C.C.'s fault. It is not my fault. He is not to blame. I am not to blame. We are exactly where we are at, in this time and space, experiencing what we are experiencing, free to choose how we express our experience.

It is what I experienced at meditation the other night. I am not my ego. My ego does not become me -- unless I make it so.

And I choose not to make it so. To choose otherwise would be to disavow my Divine expression of the magnificence of my being. It would discredit my belief in the Divine expression of C.C.s magnificence.

And I desire to celebrate our expression of our uniqueness, our soul essence alight in the glow of Love. Magnificent. Whole. Beautiful in flight.

It can be no other way -- unless I choose to make it so. And why would I want to do that when I can fly as high as my wings will take me, regardless of the tethers that would tie me to a past where I believed my heart was broken?