Monday, May 17, 2010

I choose my experience

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. William Blake
A friend called to see how I was doing. "I heard about you and C," he said. "I'm so sorry. You must be feeling awful."

"Actually, I'm not," I replied. "I feel wonderful."

"Oh. But your heart must be aching," he said.

"Only if I choose to believe it aches."

"If it were me I'd be curled up in a ball crying my eyes out for days," he said.

"And that would be your choice. And that would be okay."

My beliefs create my experience today.

And my belief is -- I am exactly where I am meant to be. And C.C. is exactly where he is meant to be and all is well with my world. All is well with my soul.

I can choose to feel hurt and sad. I can choose to feel joy and peace.

It is a decision. Pain and suffering are not immutable laws of the universe. Neither are joy and happiness.

I choose how I feel. I choose how I express my feelings. I choose my expression of life.

I pulled the Fire Medicine Card from my Sacred Path Cards yesterday. "You are being asked to acknowledge the Fire within... Any old fears of intimacy or commitment can act as limitations to relationships. If this applies to you, clear the fear. As the fear leaves, so will the coldness of past hurts, and you will be ready for more rewarding future relationships.... Fire Medicine insists that we use the Fire within to fuel our lives with energy... When we are in balance, this Divine Union sparks our natural desire for experiencing life."

I desire to experience life in all its technicolor hues, in all its rainbow shards exploding across sunlit valleys glistening in the rain. I desire to dance in the rain. To sing in the sunlight. To run naked through wildflower strewn meadows. To embrace all that is and all that I am. Alive. Free. Unfettered by fear and limitations. Leaping for joy in this moment of now -- whatever it may bring, however it may appear.

I choose to be open to my experience. The past is not the present. My beliefs of what happened do nothing to change where I am in this moment. And in this moment, I am joyful for this expression of life within and all around me.

It is not C.C.'s fault. It is not my fault. He is not to blame. I am not to blame. We are exactly where we are at, in this time and space, experiencing what we are experiencing, free to choose how we express our experience.

It is what I experienced at meditation the other night. I am not my ego. My ego does not become me -- unless I make it so.

And I choose not to make it so. To choose otherwise would be to disavow my Divine expression of the magnificence of my being. It would discredit my belief in the Divine expression of C.C.s magnificence.

And I desire to celebrate our expression of our uniqueness, our soul essence alight in the glow of Love. Magnificent. Whole. Beautiful in flight.

It can be no other way -- unless I choose to make it so. And why would I want to do that when I can fly as high as my wings will take me, regardless of the tethers that would tie me to a past where I believed my heart was broken?


Maureen said...

You are your own best example. Hugs.

Joyce Wycoff said...

Louise ... there are so many cliches that can be spouted at times like these ... and, damn, most of them are true ... and unfortunately most of them don't help a whit. But, you've come far, Pilgrim ... and you will gather the basket full of lessons you've gained and journey on to your next adventure.

with love, joyce

Anonymous said...


it seems to me, as somewhat informed observer of you for several years now, that you are nowhere near a destination

it appears that you are on a journey - possibly a dead-end side road, or plowing new ground for a super highway

rivers make crooked paths as tributaries build a river's flow; sometimes those turns are sharp, sometimes meandering wide shall and the river deep, sometimes wide shallows where we risk running aground on the shoals

reading your column, it would appear you have your oar in the water, steering where you need to go - not celebrating, or mourning - because there is no big victory or loss involved - but rather the flowing of events and people

your consciousness of what is going on is your greatest asset right now .... it will get you through whatever choppy water is ahead


Brandi said...

Louise - I just got finished catching up on your blog. I'm sorry to hear of your relationship changes...but I know bright days are ahead for you. Chin up and keep lovin yourself!
Hugs, my friend - Brandi

M.L. Gallagher said...

Thank you everyone -- how lovely to have such warm voices near!

n. davis rosback said...

"Something's lost but something's gained in living every day." (joni)
...the only part of the song that is really good.

for good or bad, loss is loss, and it is hard for humans to process loss, i think.

but, i thank God for the gain, for there it is and will be.

and i am thankful for His Love, which He sends to us in so many strange and wonderfully surprising ways.

you have it in you...much Love.
and i have it for you...much Love.
you are not alone...not at all.

katdish said...

I like to think we don't just have one life, but many. Old paths give way to new ones and we can choose the ones we walk upon. May you walk boldly on whatever new path this life take you on.