Thursday, August 12, 2010

I am pleasantly disturbed this Thursday.

At Duane Scott's blog today there's an invitation to enjoy, Pleasantly Disturbed Thursdays. Now, I hadn't intended to participate -- I mean really, random thoughts on random what?... But, then I read Glynn's blog over at Faith, Fiction, Friends this morning and thought -- what? it's almost too hot to bike?

After I got off the floor from laughing, or perhaps those were tears of sorrow, I put my fingers to the keyboard and started to type.

Hot? Outside? The only reason it's hot here in my office is because I've got the heater on. Here in 'sunny' Alberta we seem to have missed summer. I think I saw it one day in June. Not sure. It looked remarkably like a hot, sunny day but alas, it's been so long and it didn't hang around long enough for me to verify its pedigree.

The leaves on the tree outside my window are starting to turn. When I brought the paper in from outside this morning there was a decided feel of fall in the air. And it's supposed to rain today.

Oh, but it was nice enough for awhile last night to sit outside in the garden. Playing dodge the mosquitoes is fun! Right?

And then yesterday at work one of my co-directors opted to take the low road on an issue. "I always feel we're best to do the right thing," I said when he explained his plan and he replied, "Me too except when it's more fun to get even."

Getting even is never a good idea. There is no 'even' when it comes to getting back. Especially when it pertains to 'you hurt me, I'll hurt you back.'

Take C.C. and me. I was angry the other evening because of something he had done and decided to take it out by saying something I immediately regretted but couldn't take back. Now, in the moment, I didn't 'think' about anger or why I was saying what I said. But, as soon as the words were out, I knew, they had come from that 'lower' place in me. You know, that place I'd like to pretend I'm always above but all too often find myself sinking into when I'm feeling off-balance, off-put, off-kilter.

And living with someone you love while disengaging your lives can be challenging. It can also be a tremendous opportunity to grow.

So, grow I did. I acknowledged that what I had said was designed to hurt and apologized. While C.C. may not have been ready or able to hear the sincerity of my apology, I know in having done the wrong thing, I held myself accountable and took the opportunity to learn more about me.

And ultimately, learning more about me and how I respond, react, relate is a pretty awesome gift when I'm travelling this road of being authentic.

Maybe that's why I'm so tired. I've been taking myself too seriously. Again.

I've also been immersed in Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. Great book! While it's a book written about women and their relationship with food, it's also a book written for anyone who has an obsessive thought, or simply wants to be 'clean' in all they're doing and thinking and being.

On the fly-leaf it says, "... you can be free. Just look down at your plate. The answers are there. Don't run. Look. Because when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we contact the part of ourselves that is fresh and alive. We touch the life we truly want and evoke divinity itself."

I love the idea of evoking divinity and touching the life I truly want. And sometimes, having that life means taking the time to do something that simply 'feels good'. Something that nurtures and nourishes and feeds my soul, rather than my body.

One thing I did yesterday to 'feel good' inside and out is I went for a long walk with Ellie and played in the park with her. Oh, and I took the stairs and not the elevator... except once when I was with someone else and they didn't want to walk up six flights. Oh, and I finished my proposal for funding for the Possibilities Project at the shelter where I work. Now, to go out and find the 'funder'! Oh, and I listened to the final class in my Feminine Power course -- what an amazing journey. Anyone wishing to participate there is a new course starting soon. Check it out. It is a wonderful course and very informative.

And... let's see... well, I have a meeting at 8:30 this morning and it's now 7 so I've got to think about running off and getting ready. Traffic is still light because of summer holidays -- which is a nice thing. My 'rest of the year' drive to work takes me 25 minutes on average. At this time of year, I only need 15!

I know. I know. I should feel lucky to only need 25 minutes to get to work at any time of the year as there are thousands of people for whom the journey to work is an odyssey in itself. And I do, feel grateful. It's just... well... I find that in traffic my 'little self' sneaks up and bites me some days. and do you know how difficult it is to stop a car just to apologize after you've cut someone off or not let them merge? They don't seem to get the concept you're standing at their window tapping to say, "I'm sorry."...

And did I mention? The tree outside my window has yellow leaves appearing. Really. Yellow leaves in the middle of August. What's that all about? Probably because it's roots are water-logged!

And I did find a 'wicked awesome' blog yesterday. Thxthxthx - a thank you note a day -- is one woman's way of showing gratitude everyday -- and it's beautiful and inspiring and fun and funny and just plain lovely. Leah Dietrich's mother told her to write thank you notes, so Leah set out to write thank you notes to the universe and the unknown man on the bus and the stranger across the street and the turntable she bought when she didn't mean to...

In keeping with Leah's inspiration.... I'm grateful for the opportunity to clean up Ellie's poop at the park yesterday. Thank you for my dog I love so much and the off-leash park where I get to romp with her everyday -- a place where other people take the time to pick up poop too!

Take a peek -- maybe you too will be inspired to fill your heart with gratitude and give thanks for the little and the big things in your life. I know I was.

Have a pleasantly disturbed and/or undisturbed Thursday!



Anonymous said...


Thanks for the chuckly. Your 'title' this morning immediately reminded me of the cover on one of John Callahan's cartoon books ... it depicts the doors to the psych ward in a hospital; the title of the book appears on a sign, hung on the door handle, which says 'DO NOT DISTURB ANY FURTHER' ...

any time I hear or read the word disturb, I am reminded of Callahan's humor and incredible struggle ... that frankly makes all my troubles miniscule by comparison

have a great 'disturbed' day



Glynn said...

Well, "Gween" here decided when it's 100 degrees and a heat index of 120 at 5 p.m., it's too hot to bike. We would really like to have one of those "Alberta clippers" (that's what the weatherman here calls them) come visit right now. Actually, I would settle for an Alberta dinghy.

Maureen said...

My day began deeply disturbed but I refused to go with that and came here. Disturbances gone!

Amazing what a post can do.

M.L. Gallagher said...

Oh dear -- I gave myself a laugh Gween! Glynn! My apologies -- see, even my brain was waterlogged and under the weather!

Glad I could undeepen your disturbance Maureen and so happy you stayed and visited Mark!

Hugs everyone -- From Louise who can't see what she types in the morning some days! :)

M.L. Gallagher said...

Oh -- and Mark -- my daughters gave me a sign for my office/bedroom door several years ago. It reads...

Already disturbed.

I love it! and hang it proudly :)

Joyceann Wycoff said...

Dear Louise ...
Thanks for taking me to a place I've never been and reminding me to be grateful for this day that has been cool enough to bike (even though I didn't) and warm enough to sit outside (which I did).