Every January 1 I choose a word that will be my meditation point throughout the year. Last year, the word was 'Redemption'. It was a tough word for me. A word I didn't want to embrace -- which is what made it so perfect for my meditation point.
Throughout the year I let 'redemption' rise into my consciousness, opening me up to what it means to be 'delivered from sin'. It wasn't actually the 'redemption' that got me, it was the idea of 'sin' and my existential being grating against my Catholic roots. Always hated the idea of being born sinful as a child. Never made sense to me. We are miracles of life -- how could we carry sin. No God would ever bestow upon an innocent child the sins of Adam and Eve.
Yet, through the year, I sat in 'redemption' and let it grate. And through the year I found myself moving deeper into that state of being, redeemed. Of being freed of my own sense of sinfulness, my own feelings of unworthiness.
It was a powerful word for me. Redemption.
And now, along comes another word. Equally as challenging yet not infused with the same religious weight for me.
This year, the word came more easily. It floated into my consciousness, settling in with grace and ease, awakening me without disturbing my peace of mind. Renewal.
Still a tough word. Perhaps it is that having centred on 'redemption' for a year, I feel more accepting of a word that doesn't grate so harshly against my spirit. In having braved the challenges of 'redemption', I am less resistant to this new words push and drag and pull. It is interesting to be chosen by this word. To feel it permeate my being with its sense of hope and purpose, its promise of spring, of growth, of constant evolutionary change.
It is this word's evolutionary aspect that has ruffled the still waters of my thinking. Renewal means so much -- in the Free Online dictionary, renewal is defined as, the act of restoring something or someone to a satisfactory state.
I struggle to find that state of being some days that satisfies me. That keeps me grounded in reality without lifting me up into some ozone layer high above the clouds where I don't have to worry about being satisfied with the state I'm in, I just have to find the peephole to get me back to earth.
Perhaps, that is the context of renewal for me. To be satisfied with my state of being without feeling the need to change it, move it, redefine it or escape from it. To simply be, in my state of being. Satisfied, exactly with where I am and how I am.
Hmmm.... food for thought.
But now, I must run as I have a 7 am meeting and the roads are slick and ice covered and I must drive slowly and carefully to ensure I make it without mishap.
In my renewal state this morning, I embrace the new life that awakens within me today, opening my world up to wonder and mystery and magic and the miracle of being alive in this place and time, exactly as I am meant to be, exactly where I'm at.