Monday, May 9, 2011

My Mother's Day


My daughters came to join me yesterday at the hotel where Choices is held so that we could have Brunch together. It was our last chance in a long while to do that. Alexis, my eldest, left later that day to move back to Vancouver, a city she loves and a place where she believes she will be better able to pursue her acting career.

It was a bittersweet moment. We had a couple of hours to connect and then she was off. I am so proud of her.

I can't remember a time when creative endeavours from painting to acting to costume design and writing and singing and dancing were not a part of Alexis' life. When she was two I would line the railings of the deck with craft paper, put out pots of paints and brushes and she would spend hours 'painting the walls'. She wrote funny little poems for the dog that she tried to teach her to bark and plays for her sister to act out with her -- being the eldest, she felt it her duty to direct. Her sister always acquiesced. She made costumes for each of them, along with their friends and they would re-enact the Titanic. Alexis could make a short black crinoline into a fancy turn of the 20th century hat as quickly as the cat could disappear when he saw the little miniature superman cape appear -- he just knew intuitively where it was intended to go.

And now she is moving away.

And I shall miss her.

Alexis is a woman of great heart. Beautiful and talented, it is her inner beauty that shines out, illuminating the world in love and joy and laughter and tears and smiles and hugs and heartfelt words that warm hearts and set spirits free.

She sings like a nightingale, dances with the grace of a dolphin flowing through water. She paints and writes and touches the world with her incredible talent, always making it a better place, always creating a more loving glow to everything she touches.

I am so blessed to call her my daughter.

And now, she's gone. West. She's meeting up with her boyfriend in Vancouver who just flew in from Halifax where he's going to law school and on Wednesday, they are off to South Africa for a month and then, returning to Vancouver. And then, she will begin in earnest the task of building her career. Agent. Auditions. Writing. Connecting. Doing what it takes to make it in the world of acting.

"I'm going to give it five years," she said. "And then, I'll probably go back to University to take a psychology degree."

She wants to change the world. She wants to create a better place for children to live and learn and grow. She wants to make a difference.

She already is.

The ripple effect from her kind and caring ways, the waves of laughter and joy she sends out, already resonate in places far flung as her love rolls out across the universe like a ripple effect from a butterfly's wings in Africa.

It is just her sister and me at home now. C.C. is in Saskatoon for a long while, returning every second weekend. Ellie, the wonder pooch, Marley, the Great Cat, Liseanne and I are adjusting to the quiet and the absence of Alexis and her mercurial moods, her deep feelings and open conversation, and did I mention, her constant clutter around the house? I miss her already!

I will miss our late night conversations in my bed, her probing insights and powerful questions. I will miss sitting with her talking about books and life and love and fears. I will miss her phone calls asking me "Have you seen my..., or, Where's the vacuum? (She didn't ask that one very often but when she did, I always told her where it was!)."

I will miss her physical presence in my life, but I will never miss her love in my heart. I carry her with me.

I carry her with me where ever I go, where ever I am. She is the warmth of sunshine caressing my face, the lightness of gravity supporting every step. She is the beauty of a butterfly flitting in the garden, the joy of a child laughing at the park.

She is my daughter and I love her, more than all the good-byes that will ever be spoken, more than all the tears that will ever flow at a farewell. I love her more than all the heartbeats that will ever pound across the universe, more than all the wind that will ever blow. I love her more than all the grains of sand that will ever shift, more than all the blades of grass that will ever grow.

I love her with all my heart and am so blessed she is in my life. Through the gift of my daughters, Alexis and Liseanne, the circle of love can never be broken.

May your day be blessed with the love of those you hold dear. May your day be filled with the joy of knowing the circle of love into which you were born can never be broken.

Namaste.

7 comments:

Maureen said...

Wishing Alexis a wonderful time in South Africa (it's an extraordinary country) and much success in her pursuit of an acting career.

Hope said...

didn't expect to have tears in my eyes this morning. Beautiful write!

sounds like you reared very strong women! A strong mom does that. :)
best of the best to all of you!

Claudia said...

your daughters are lovely louise...and sounds they make their way in life..you can be proud

S. Etole said...

what a gift you have in your beautiful daughters ...

Vivek said...

You are blessed truly having such lovely daughters , so versatile in life , yes they will be near you every-time ..they lives in your heart , distances are there but the connection of heart to heart is so close it seems , they are sitting next to you.

They are blessed too of having great Mom like you.

My Mom is back home , she was with us this winter , since its summer time so its hard to for her to be in DELHI she had left to native place , where weather is pleasant.
This mother day I along with my younger bro has a telecon with her , and it was raining there and weather was awesome..I wish ..if I would be there ..I miss my birth place so much .. :(

Take care.
Keep smiling.

Fiona said...

You have gorgeous daughters both inside and out,all products of their upbringing and environment.

You have every right to be proud!

Wouldn't trade my boys for the world but I often have a small moment of dismay that I will never have the mother daughter relationship that I share with my mother.

:-)

Anonymous said...

Great photo! If I had daughters, I would want them to be like Liseanne and Alexis, they make me proud! Loving, giving and caring wise women, that they are. Happy travels Alexis and cheers to making your dreams come true in Vancouver! Let's get your Mom out here for a visit!

Mother's And Daughter's
By Nicholas Gordon

Mothers and daughters
were daughters and mothers
not so long ago.
We give and take
and take and give
along time's endless row.
Love is passed
and love received
to be passed on again:
A precious heirloom
twice, twice blessed,
a spiritual cardigan.
I'll put it on
And treasure it,
The me I have received,
And when the roles
Reverse again,
I'll have what I most need.
So may our love
go on and on,
A hundred thousand years;
Mothers and daughters,
Daughters and mothers,
through joys and other tears?

Love,
BA