Friday, June 17, 2011

A rude awakening

It was a rude awakening. A friendship built on two people new to a city, finding a common ground only to discover, one of them was lying. There was little truth in their story.

And in the wake of their passing through, destruction, pain, anger, disbelief.

"You won't believe what I discovered about A.J.," C.C. text me from where he was watching the hockey game Wednesday night. "I'll Skype when I get home."

And then the mayhem ensued and I was mesmerized by the drama unfolding on the streets of Vancouver while C.C. was driving the streets of Saskatoon, searching for a man he couldn't believe would lie with such aplomb. He had to admit that even the father and brother-in-law he believed had been killed in a car accident were probably sitting drinking a glass of wine in La Belle Province, or maybe at a sidewalk cafe in The City of Lights.

C.C. was devastated.

"I can't believe I could be so stupid," he said when we later connected.

"You weren't." I told him. "He is a subject matter expert in human manipulation. He's spent his lifetime perfecting his craft. You weren't suspecting deception. You were expecting what you were giving. Your honesty. Truth. Care."

"But how could he do so many kind things and be a liar?"

"Because the things he did were based on creating the effect he needed. Your confidence. Trust. Respect. He'd do anything to get those. And that includes lying."

In the wake of A.J.'s passing through the lives of several people C.C. knows there has been much destruction. Jobs lost. Bank accounts slimmed down. Items stolen.

And yet, in the wake of A.J.'s rampage through trust and hearts and minds, there is left behind an awareness no one ever had before -- this could happen to me. It could happen to anyone.

And in the end, it isn't about closing down trust, it's about opening up to intuition. Fine-tuning our hearing to our inner voice.

It was there.

I heard it when I first met A.J. But, pushed it aside. It's just me being my suspicious self, I told myself. C.C. is enjoying this friendship. You're just being difficult.

But each time C.C. told me of something else, some other promise -- that didn't materialize (yet, he said), some other missed event that didn't happen (yet, he insisted), I wondered.

But I didn't stop to listen.

Last night C.C. said, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true."

So true.

I learned that the hard way. In a relationship with a man who promised me the world, who promised to 'love me 'til death do us part' and who then actively set about making the 'death' part come alive so that I would be out of this world.

And now, a police file has been built. A warrant issued. Somewhere, out there, is a man rioting through people's lives. Sure, it isn't of the magnitude of the destruction in Vancouver, it isn't of the dark and lethal nature of a Jeffrey Dahmer, but it is deadly.

A.J.s brand of rioting kills trust. Kills spirits. Kills hope and belief in humankind. It kills.

If we let it.

And we can't.

For in the end, the A.J.s of the world can only survive with our collusion.

and we don't have to do that.

We can fight back.

We can't stop the A.J.s of the world from being who they are. We can stop them from being who they are in our lives.

I can't change an abuser. I can stop abuse in my life.

By waking up. Opening up. Living up to all I'm meant to be.

It's been a hard go for those who got caught in the web of A.J.s deceit. But they will survive. They will grow and thrive and flourish.

Sad thing is, the A.J.s of the world seldom do. Trapped in the lies of their creation, floundering in a world of little conscience, they continue to create mayhem where ever they go, moving on when the heat gets too hot to stay. Spinning their web faster and faster.

The A.J.s and Conrad's of the world seldom find what they're looking for. they can't because there is no truth in lies. No beauty in deception.

But you and I can.

Because what we're looking for is right here. Inside each and every one of us.

Truth. Beauty. Honesty. Integrity. Joy.

It's all there, waiting for us to claim our gifts. Let's do it!



Anonymous said...


we are ALL duped, often

we all MISS that we are duped, often

sometimes, we dupe ourselves

better, I think, to risk and trust and take chances on people than to refuse simply because some are bad

there is much good in most of us - which is a good reason to keep trusting that most people are mostly real most of the time, mostly


Louise Gallagher said...

Absolutely Mark! Well said.

Maureen said...

Once trust is destroyed (and who hasn't experienced that, on some level?), the most difficult thing is to continue to trust. As Mark notes, the risk is always there and preferable to the alternative of going through the world cynical and closed. said...

I agree -- it's very hard to trust again once trust has been broken. And important to risk that.

At the same time, we need to be careful to listen when our radar begins to hum: the times I haven't listened, and should have, always proved painful: growth-filled, but painful.

Hearts go out to CC and all the others who were betrayed... and there's that darkness again. Sigh.

trisha said...

read my today's poem and you know how alike our thinkings are.

i am happy really happy that we share the same point of view.

by trusting a person is never a fool, by cheating a person is vile, evil.

trisha said...

glad to know that everyone voted for "trust"

i cant imagine living a life without it.

Claudia said...

oh my - think it's absolutely horrible if you trusted someone and then everything turns out to be a big lie. there are way too many A.J.'s out there..

Josie said...

Trust is such a fragile thing. Once betrayed it takes great faith to trust someone new. But something in our nature drives us to take that risk, we want to believe, and thankfully most often that faith is not misplaced. You are right though that we tend to ignore the small warnings that flash in our brains telling us something is not quite right. We don't want to address them, but we must learn to if the AJ's of the world are to fail in their mission to betray us. This post was a good reminder to listen to to our inner voice and to trust it.