I carry you in my heart

Reflecting on Downtown Vancouver.
There was a time, not so long ago, when broken-hearted, I closed myself off to love. There was a time when I feared love. Feared breathing. Feared living.

I feared.

And then, a miracle drove up in a blue and white police car, and I got my life back.

And fear subsided. Fear abated. Fear hit the road and I spread my wings and learned to fly.

Free of fear. Free of broken hearts and worn out dreams.

A broken heart is an open heart and an open heart is a loving heart.

And my heart is loving.

Some days, my heart loves so much it hurts.

Some days, the air is so thick with love and beauty and wonder and joy, I feel myself vibrating to a new song, a new world, a new way of being in this world.

That's how I awoke this morning. Feeling like I couldn't get enough of this beautiful morning. Feeling like my skin was too confining.

I smile.

Silly me.

How does that saying go? God never gives you more than you can carry.

The Universe never gives me too much joy and wonder to contain.

I am a radiant woman igniting joy in a world of wonder.

Last night, my daughter Alexis and I walked down Lonsdale Avenue to a tiny, hole-hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant where we sat on a rooftop deck, the only patrons courageous enough to eat outside.

"It's very cold out," the waiter told us.

"That's ok," we both chimed in together. "We've brought our shawls."

We at on the deck, and shared and laughed and sipped a glass of wine each, and watched the sunset over the Coastal Range, the evening light sparkle on the waters stretched out across the bay leading out to the sea, out into the distant ocean.

Earlier, we'd left C.C. at the "Canada Line" terminus to catch the metro to the airport where he was grabbing a 6pm flight. We'd had a late lunch on the patio of Scoozis', where proprietor Michael, greeted me like a long lost friend -- as he greets everyone -- and treated us to a dessert of apple filled phyllo pastry with a to die for sauce and fruit. One of the secrets of Michael's success is his charm and sincerity -- and the food too! It was a relaxed and fun filled afternoon. We three were joined by BA my lovely and beautiful friend here in Vancouver and Tim, a friend from Calgary and his friend Kelly. Tim's eldest daughter Vicky and Alexis have been best-friends since they were 2 and a half. When Tim sat down he immediately turned to Kelly and said, "Alexis was with her dad when Vicky made her famous comment, 'my daddy doesn't say that when drivers cut him off. He always yells and says, 'you f*&#ing azzhole!''

Which is a true story. It did happen. Just like that. Out of the mouths of babes...

C.C. and Alexis and I wandered around Canada Place. We oohed and aahhed at the Olympic Torch statuary -- which is beautiful in the daylight and according to Alexis, even more beautiful in the evening.

I snapped photos on my iPhone (because I hadn't brought the camera) and we people watched and played tourist in this city by the sea.

It was one of those days where the sun could not shine brighter, the air could not feel warmer, the breeze could not caress your skin more tenderly.

It was one of those days.

Today, Alexis and I are going for a tour of Covenant House and then, we'll wander along Main Street and meet up with my new friends, Don Bray and Alyssa Wright who together make up the incomparable musical duo -- The Brights. We'll come back to my sister and brother-in-law's home, pack up the car, have dinner and then head to bed. (FYI -- staying here is bliss. My brother-in-law actually brings me my coffee in bed so I don't have to interrupt my typing! How sweet is that? Sweet. Sweet. Sweet!)

Tomorrow, I drive east. To home. To my youngest daughter who wishes I'd come home early - to feed me -- she said. But I know she misses me as I miss her. And Ellie, the wonder pooch and Marley the Great Cat too!

Tomorrow I will drive home (I won't be blogging as I will be heading out early) and with me, I will carry my heart. And in my heart I will carry the most precious gift of all, Love.

I feel it within me. Carry it with me. always. For no matter which direction I go, no matter where I turn, I carry my heart with me and you are in my heart. Now and always. (Thank you e.e. cummings)

i carry your heart with me
by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


Namaste.