Monday, October 24, 2011

Home to the heart

Yesterday, there were some fabulous comments made on my post, Give 'Em Back. I appreciated the perspectives shared, and take delight in their ability to enrich my experience and understanding.

It is true -- we want for our children all that is good and beautiful in the world when we know, there is much that is not good and beautiful. And so, we instill in them the understanding that they are capable of handling whatever life has to offer. The good. The bad. The beautiful and the not so pretty.

And still, we their parents, yearn for that childlike state of believing -- it should be easy.

As everyone said -- it is good that there is more good than the bad, and as Joyce so sweetly asked... if they give back those bits, do they also have to return the courage, creativity, and fiercely loving nature they also got from you?

And the reality is... No. Those things they should keep.

And the reality is... all things must they keep for in the darkness the light shines brightest.

I remember when my daughters were young and I would say, "I want you to grow up to be strong and independent and fulfilled, with unique minds and confident to express yourselves as you are, not as you think the world wants you to be... but can you wait until you move away from home to do that? 'Cause truly, I'd like you to do what I want until then."

Life doesn't work that way and raising children definitely doesn't allow much room for children to be exactly they are if we're constantly working on making the way we want them to be.

I am blessed. My daughters are amazing. Beautiful, inside and out, intelligent, creative, independent, kind, empathetic, incredibly loving and incredibly open to being loved. They are my greatest blessings.

And when I see them struggle, my heart breaks and I know, all I can do is love them, exactly where they are, where they're at.

I remember once when Alexis and I were driving along shortly after she'd participated in Grade 9 in the PARTY program -- they take students to meet youth who's lives have been adversely affected by DUIs and reckless actions they never imagined would leave them paraplegics or limbless.

She was very affected by the activity and committed to call me, no matter what, if ever she needed. "You know honey, if you don't and something happens I will know that somehow I failed you."

"That doesn't make sense," she replied. "If I chose to drink and drive, or get in a car with someone who's been drinking, that's my choice."

"True," I replied. "But if you do it because you are too scared to call home, then I have not instilled in you the belief that no matter what you do, being safe is more important than being afraid of telling the truth."

I never had to test my belief. Both girls always felt safe to call me, no matter what, where or when they needed me to come and get them.

And always, I felt grateful.

For in their call was the knowing -- they trusted me enough to do the right thing.

And that is my greatest learning as a parent. Trusting my daughters enough to know they will do what is best, what is right, what is loving of them.

I struggle with that belief sometimes. I want to wave a magic wand and make the world 'perfect' when in fact, it is perfect, just the way it is. All I need to do is trust the universe to turn up and let life unfold, exactly as it's meant to do.

And in it's unfolding is the gift of the moment, the gift that is sometimes unseen until after life unfolds and we are left breathless with the wonder of its beauty shining in the light and the darkness of the path opening up before us, leading each of us home to the heart.



Tulika Verma said...

What a beautiful post Louise! You've been a great mother and I learnt a thing or two about parenthood reading your post.. :)

Jennifer Richardson said...

....feeling this
with every molecule
of me.
well done, mom:)

S. Etole said...

Wonderfully said ... and done.