Something has changed in how blogger notifies me of comments, and I keep finding comments in my notifications that I thought I'd approved but somehow didn't get posted! My apologies if I seem to be ignoring comments. It's more that I am slow to adapt to Blogger's new ways of doing what they've always done and suddenly changed!
Which, is what got me thinking about inner-speak. When I discovered this morning that there were several comments not posted that I had thought I had posted, my inner voice got busy.
"How rude, Louise."
"Seriously, you are such an.... idiot, fool, incompetent... Pick your favourite word, my inner-judge likes to pick many.
The affirmation for the week in an online "Soul Coaching" course I am taking is, "My evaluation of myself is not who I am."
Hmmm.... it's not?
You mean, I'm not really who my inner critic tells me I am?
That's right! You're not your judgments!
Being self-critical does not serve me well. Judging myself as a loser, incompetent, or any host of negative feedback the critic likes to deliver, does not strengthen, nourish or nurture me.
In any self-assessment there is that place where absolute honesty is essential to growth and healing.It feels at times like an oxymoron. Be honest. Be kind. -- what if in my honesty I find myself lacking? Is it kind to point out my areas of lack if I'm being honest?
Don't judge how you judge myself.
When I know I've acted out, being kind means that in my honesty I must name what I've done. It does not mean I have to name myself as less than, or other than, who I am as a human being.
Behaviour and my human essence are separate. Behaviour can be changed, worked on, modified. My human essence is fundamentally 'good'. It is light. It is beauty. It is life.
Where I am in my life is not as important as the judgments I make about where I am, or how I am in my life.
Judgments hurt. Me. Those I judge outside of me. The world around me.
Judgments limit my experience of being all I am meant to to, all I am when I let go of judging how I'm doing and moving into accepting that in this moment, I am doing my best.
When I honour my intention -- to be a kind, caring, loving human being -- and accept that sometimes, my actions turn up on the dark side of the curtain -- I love myself in all my complexity, light and dark, yin and yang, beauty and the beast, shadow. When I let go of judging myself, I step into the sea of healing that is all around me.
I discovered I missed posting some comments on my blog this morning. I didn't intend to miss them. My intention is that I honour the people who connect with me here.
And I do.
My commitment is to continue to do my best, to figure out how to work with Blogger's new way, and to continue to honour those who share their thoughts by posting and commenting and engaging in the conversation.
Thank you everyone who posts a comment. Thank you everyone who reads. I appreciate your presence and your light on my journey.