Don't let the Whying get you down!

This morning my mind is blank. What will I write? Why do I write. I'm tired. Grumpy and in a victim's mood. I turn on my computer, it's slow booting up. I log into my account and rather than 'remembering me', as it's supposed to, I have to type in my account name and password. I know I'm thinking like a victim when my computer not remembering me makes me frustrated. When the first thought in my head is, why does this always happen to me, my victim's role is alive and well and living inside me!

I take a breath. Remember my coffee brewing and grab a mug.

Ahhh, that's better.

Sometimes, a mini 'me' break is what I need. When my thinking is out of sync with my life and what I want to create in it, what I need to change is my thinking -- not the world.

Why is a weird question. Last night a girlfriend and I were talking about her fear. "If I could just understand why I feel this way I know I can get over it."

I remember times when I've felt like that. For the four years nine months I was in an abusive relationship I thought, if I could just understand 'why' this is happening, I'll be able to take action.

Truth is, I had no idea whether or not answering the 'why' would make a difference. I was stuck in a relationship that was hurting me and behaving in ways that were causing me harm. "Why" did not hold my answers. What can I do to change my life? How can I make a positive difference for me today? -- those were the questions I needed to be asking, and never did. Even after he was arrested and I was set free, asking Why did he do that? did not heal me. It only kept me focused on him and kept me off the hook of turning up for me.

For me, staying focused on 'why' kept me from having to look at what I was doing to cause myself harm. Why is a question I asked as a little girl when the world was big and I was trying to find where I stood in it. Why is the sky blue? Why do dogs bark? Why do you hurt me when you say you love me? Why is the question no one ever answered.

As an adult, staying focused on 'why' lets me off the hook of focusing on me.

In story writing, answering 'why' is important -- you need to know your character's motivation. In life, understanding the power of 'why' is important. Because the 'why of the why' can make the difference between being a victim or a victor in your own life.

Next time you feel like the world is picking on you or that you just can't do anything right, if you find yourself asking, "Why does this always happen to me? Why can't anything go right?" STOP! Take a breath. Lovingly wrap your mind around yourself and say, loud and clear. "Why don't I change my thoughts to empowerment? Why don't I say, What can I do to change my thinking right now!"

And then DO IT!

If your goal is to live your life like a victor, DO IT!

Let go of the whying (and the whining) and turn up for yourself.

This morning when I started to write, my victim was right there inside my fingers, beating my creativity into submission so that I would not type. I typed anyway and in the process I've lovingly embraced her with ACTION. With DOING what I set out to do.

I've created a page from nothing. I've stepped through my fear of nothing and written.

Rather than being stuck in the 'why do I have to get up and do this when I don't feel like it?' mode, I've taken action and kept my commitment to myself.

I feel like a victor!

Very cool!

Yesterday, a girlfriend called and asked me if I'd written a poem. Yes, many, I replied.

Did you write one that started, Born free but when fear invaded.

Oh! I laughed. He Set Me Free. Yes, I wrote that about a month after the abuser formerly in my life was arrested and I got my life back. I sent it to Dr. Messina who is the co-author of this amazing sight (check it out, www.coping.org ). He wrote back and asked if he could publish it online.

Well, my girlfriend said. I just got an email from a friend who sent me this poem and said, 'This poem has changed how I think about my life. It has really moved me.' I saw your name on it and wondered if it was you.

It is, I replied.

Well, you've changed someone's life. You've touched them and made a difference. How does that feel?

Really, really good, I replied.

I was smiling when I hung up -- I'm still smiling.

When I wrote that poem I was still very, very broken. And yet, I took action. That action has had a ripple effect -- and it keeps moving outward.

What a wonderful feeling.

I feel like a victor.

What about you? What can you do today to be a victor in your own life? What questions can you ask yourself that will inspire you to move forward, to take ACTION, to take that step through your fear, outside your comfort zone so that you can embrace the amazing, awesome and beautiful life you deserve?

And if your questions begin with, Why don't I......? Why don't you? As the saying goes, Just Do it! Take action! and don't let the whying hold you down!

Here's the poem I wrote. On the www.coping.org website, I've put the date as May 20, 2003. Rather weird. The abuser formerly in my life was arrested on May 21! I wrote this poem after his arrest and yet, dated it as if it happened before. Getting my life back was a miracle. I knew it then and believe it still today! Perhaps in writing it as if it was the date before his arrest, I was tapping into the miracle and giving credit where credit is due!

He Set Me Free

Born free, but when pain invaded,
I retreated behind my smile
pinned in place by time and memory
dark with the fear that hid me from the beauty of the life
He had created, just for me.
Here He found me.
Trapped behind the mirror of my confusion,
surrounded by the lies I had created
to protect me from the pain inside my battered heart,
tormented by the agony of my sins.
Blinded to the beauty of His love,
I held my spirit captive.
Here I am, said the Lord.
But I could not hear Him through my fear
I was unworthy.
Here I am, he called again.
Let My love guide you to the light
beyond the darkness you have reflected
on your soul.
Here I am.
Frightened, I held my mirror high.
My arms grew weary. My heart was hungry.
And I could no longer defend my sins
against the undying truth and beauty of His love.
I could not speak.
I peeked from behind my defenses
and saw His brilliance
reflected in the world around me.
And the eyes of my heart were opened to His light.
He set me free.
Free to sing His praises, dance His joy.
Free to walk His path of beauty.
Free to be. Me.
Here I am.
He set me free.
My love for Him will keep me free.
Forever and a day.

Nameste!

May this day be the best day of your life. And if you wonder why your computer can't remember who you are, remind yourself, I am awesome!

May you walk in beauty.