Monday, March 26, 2007

Time passes and I flow with it

I was in Vancouver for the weekend and did not have web access. But, I did keep my commitment to write every morning. I couldn't post what I wrote and am catching up and posting now!

Saturday, March 24

Funny how every morning begins with, I’m so tired. I flew to Vancouver last night. My plane was an hour late. An hour to kill. An hour to fill. To waste. To get through. To put up with. To enjoy.

Late plane. Airport bar. I sit by the window. I order a glass of wine. Why not? Time’s flying and I’m grounded for an hour. An hour filled with no expectations other than to wait for time to pass by. I watch the world outside the warm enclosure of the restaurant. Jets come and go. Land. Take off. Taxi in. Taxi out. Baggage trucks pull up to their silver hulls. Empty bellies. Fill bellies. Baggage handlers scurry to and fro loading suitcases for other travelers going places unknown to me. Expected by them. On time. They move out of the periphery of my world. Everything bustles with energy, activity, purpose.

I sit and wait. And watch.

An hour with nothing to do. Unscheduled. Unplanned. Unaccounted for.

Is the world passing me by while I waste an hour or is the world simply passing by while I indulge in the joy of doing nothing but sit and watch it pass by for an hour?

Time is a continuum. There is never more, nor less time. An unscheduled hour does not need filling. It will pass. I can be frustrated. I can pass it with my peace of mind intact. An unscheduled hour fills me with the possibilities of doing nothing. It is an unexpected gift filled with the possibilities of reveling in the joy of one hour to sit and relax, to drift, to breathe.

Does the world pass by, or, pass me by?

The latter is the victim’s voice. The world is busy while I am inactive, inanimate, ineffective. In both cases I’m watching. Yet when I state, pass me by, the voice is passive, yearning, mournful.

I watch the world pass by with me in the flow of time. An hour to enjoy the panoply of life played out before me. I am the centre of my universe as the world revolves around those who are the centre of their own universes. I am in a world of personal universes touching briefly, moving on, in and out constantly moving in the flow of time.

I sit and watch and breathe and enjoy the moment to not have any demands, no responsibilities, no emergencies. The world passes by as I pass an enjoyable hour in its thrall. As I release the switches holding my mind in check, I begin to feel ideas floating into the periphery of my thinking. I pull out my notebook, begin to write. Ideas flow as I surrender into the moment. The outline for The Dandelion Garden: Cultivating Joy In Every Day Occurrences begins to take shape.

I am in the flow, connected to the collective whole from which inspiration flows through me. It ignites my imagination. My fingers fly and I feel the angst of time passing without me getting caught in the anxiety of having to track each passing moment. I ease into the joy of being in the moment. Alive, I surrender, and fall, in love with the moment where right now is all I have, all I need, all I want.

2 comments:

Josie Two Shoes said...

Have you noticed that when you were in an abusive relationship you felt guilty about stealing a little down time for yourself? There was always something else I should have been doing, was supposed to be doing. Relax? Let life flow for a moment? Relish the time to just be? I do that now, and I enjoy it and feel no guilt! Sometimes we get way too caught up in the busyness of life!

Louise Gallagher said...

So true Josie -- with 'him' I couldn't be within myself. I couldn't be comfortably with me. I knew, deep within me, that something was amiss within me and my life -- and I couldn't face it. Being still, being with me might have left room for.... well, who knows what!

So glad both of us are far beyond those painful days! So glad we're both in a place where being with ourselves is a gift!

LOL -- as to the busyness of life -- yup. Been there -- still do it!!!! :)