The Gift I See In You

For some weeks, my daughters and I have shared a nightly ritual, "The Gift I See In You." (Thank you Choices -- www.choicesseminars.com) To give a gift, we take each other's hands, look into each other's and say, "The gift I see in you..." For example, my gift to my eldest daughter last night was, "The gift I see in you is your willingness to learn and grow and to challenge yourself." For my youngest daughter, my gift was, "The gift I see in you is your participation. You continually do things that create a harmonious environment in our home." In turn, they each give me a gift. For A., her gift was, "The gift I see in you is your commitment to being an awesome mother." For L., her gift was, "The gift I see in you is your willingness to do nice things for me that make me feel special, like washing my car today. Thank you."

Since we've been exchanging daily gifts, the atmosphere in our home has moved gracefully into a state of gratitude. I am reminded everyday, as I prepare to give my daughters a gift, that they are awesome human beings. Gifts are not adjuncts to a conversation. They're not throw-away comments. We each think about our gifts. We look into each other's eyes and focus on the other person and what they mean to us. Gifts are the brush of angel's wings touching our hearts and encircling us with love.

Someone once said, “If we fill our hours with regrets over the failures of yesterday, and with worries over the problems of tomorrow, we have no today in which to be thankful. " When I give my daughters' "The gift I see in you..." I am placing myself in the moment, putting away regrets and worries and focussing on what is most important in my life -- my family.

When I move into "The gift I see in you..." I step away from the busy-ness of my day and embrace the joy of being part of a circle of love that can never be broken. Even when we're angry with each other. Even when one or the other of us is ticked off about something the other did or didn't do, "The gift I see in you..." brings us back to gratitude as we embrace each other In Love.

Gratitude is a powerful state of being. This morning, as I awoke, I thought about my life today. How vastly different it is than it was just 4 years ago when I was first coming out from under the weight and pain of an abusive relationship. How different it is than even before I met the man who promised to love me 'til death do us part and then tried to hasten the death part.

When I was released from that abusive relationship 4 years ago, I regretted every moment of the journey that had brought me to be the walking, breathing, living dead. I regretted every word, move, action that I had taken or contributed to that caused my daughters pain.

Four years later, I accept the past cannot be changed. What happened to me back then is history -- I learn from it, grow from it, embrace it, make amends where I can, but I cannot change it. To label it, to put it in my regret folder holds it static and keeps its hooks embedded in my psyche, limiting my freedom today. Regretting it says that I wish it had never happened. To hold onto it in that way means I am not letting it go, not letting it become a natural part of the warp and weave that has created my beautiful life today. Sometimes, the knobbly threads are the one's that create the most texture in my tapestry. Pulling them through the framework of my life can hurt. Pain is transistory and when true healing happens, once the events that caused the pain are woven into the design, they form part of the rich and meaningful mosaic of who I am today.

And while it's easy to say had I known nine years ago when I first met that man, what I know today, I would not have ventured into that relationship, I didn't know then what I know now. When I know better, I do better. In knowing what I learned and experienced through that relationship, I have become a stronger, more vibrant, more authentic woman. I have become a woman capable of apologizing for her actions and the harm she caused those she loved, a woman capable of making amends. And that is what I have always wanted to be. I got what I asked for -- can't change the route I took to get here!

When I look at the tapestry of my life today, I see a life filled with challenge, with opportunity, with reward, success, pain, sorrow, grief and loss, joy and gratitude. I see a rich life.

I am grateful for my journey because it brought me here today. I am grateful for my daughters forgiveness, for their amazing hearts and their awesome spirits. I am grateful that in stepping into my life, in accepting and loving myself exactly the way I am, I have become who I am meant to be -- a wondrous human being on the journey of her lifetime.

May your journey be filled with gratitude for all that you are, and all that you mean to those who love you. May your day be touched by the brush of angel's wings and your heart be filled with The Gift I See In You...

In Love and Gratitude