Some mornings there is no more welcoming place than where I'm at -- lying cocooned in my blankets. But, time flies and morning beckons and no matter how comfortable I am, I must get up. How I do it is up to me.
I love the quiet of the morning. My daughters are asleep, the dogs continue to snore (on my bed) and I have the entire house to myself. The smell of freshly brewed coffee permeates the air as I turn on my computer and get ready to create something out of nothing! Some mornings, the blank page can be intimidating. That's when I have to really trust in the process and simply begin to type.
Like this morning. As I awoke the tendrils of a dream drifted through my rising consciouness. My daughters and I were in Banff, taking a cruise on a lake. We were high in the air, the cruise ship had this weird ride that let you hang in the air so that you could see the mountains and lakes and trees and valleys from above. The chairs we sat in didn't feel very safe and my hands were full with my purse, my daughters purses and other objects. Beside me a man with a wooden leg had to perch himself on his seat as his leg couldn't bend to fit into the chair. He had a coat that he was terrified of dropping and I couldn't help him because my hands were full. Somewhere on the ride, someone else had a bunch of tennis balls they kept throwing at the water below us. They made a huge splash falling from that height. In the distance the sky was green and pink, very end of worldish, very beautiful. Suddenly, sparks flared and the forest in the distance burst into flame. We had to race back to our hotel to pack our belongings so that we could leave the mountains before the flames consumed us. As I was packing my mother called and I had to quickly tell her we were being evacuated, I'd call when I got home. But she wanted to chat. Can't chat, I told her and hung up. The flames were licking at our heels as we raced towards Calgary. We reached the safety of the rolling plains of the foothills. And that's when the dream ended.
Gotta love dreams! Have no idea what that one meant but it stuck with me after I awoke and now I wonder what my subconscious was trying to tell me. (If you have thoughts about that dream, please share them!)
The subconscious is a powerful force. Psychologists suggest it controls over 80% of our thinking. The conscious mind, linear in its processing, simply is not large enough to hold all the information, sights, smells and thoughts we incur during a day, so the subconscious files it away for future reference. One of the challenges is, we don't often call upon the subconscious for the information.
Now, I'm writing all this because I'm avoiding what I really wanted to write about this morning. Losing weight.
I've made a commitment to lose 10 lbs, and it's going slowly. In fact, the weight loss is not happening at all. There are moments when I feel like it's just not going to happen, but, given that I have been able to accomplish so many other things I've committed to, I am confident this will happen. As long as I take appropriate action.
Perhaps it is that my subconscious believes I can't lose weight -- I have Irish peasant blood and I'm always subconsciuosly waiting for the next famine. Maybe what I need to do is dig into my ancestral roots and feed them the truth -- I've landed in the New World. Famine's over.
I want to say that 'no matter how hard I try, I just can't lose the weight'. Truth is, I haven't been trying very hard.
Time to get real with losing weight.
One of the most insidious elements of being overweight is the toll it takes on my self-esteem. I don't like the way my body feels. I don't like the way I look -- and that isn't healthy for me. My little beast of negative self-talk is in its hey-day. Spewing forth gobbled up self-condemnations about my favourite person -- ME.
Time to rein in the beast and take back control.
Yup. Definitely time to get real about losing weight.
So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going public. I have thirty pounds that need shedding. My goal for the next month is to lose 10 of them.
And this is where I'm going to come every day to stay on track. My blog will be my conscience. Here is where I'll keep the memory of losing weight on the surface, rather than letting it drift below the waters into my subconscious mind, I'll keep it up front and centered here on this page.
It's my public outing.
There are 101 reasons why I have recognized the need to lose weight but not embraced the action of doing so -- and all of them are related to subconscious activity. I have many unhealthy notions around food, weight and body-image -- and what I've been finding recently is that while I consciously know I'm attempting to lose weight, I continually sabotage my efforts with thinking such as,
"I'll start tomorrow."
"No sense throwing out that (fill in the blank)."
"One cookie won't hurt me."
"I was so good today. I deserve a treat."
"Losing weight is boring."
"Why bother?"
The thinking goes on and as it goes, I continue to eat what I shouldn't. I continue to let myself down with action that is contrary to my desired outcome.
Time to get real.
For today, I commit to taking action.
For today, I commit to eating only those foods that provide energy -- not empty calories.
For today, I commit to eating sensibly, and to not desensitize my feelings with food.
For today, I commit to being a healthy, well-balanced, conscious me.
My goal for today is to do what is caring and loving of me. For today, I am committed to taking care of me, of treating myself with love and of filling my body with foods that nourish, honour and support my efforts to be the best me I can be.
I'll report back on my success tomorrow.
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